Citation
Marriage

Material Information

Title:
Marriage
Portion of title:
Bridal Tour
Creator:
Boucicault, Dion, 1820-1890 ( author )
Language:
English
Physical Description:
82 numbered leaves : plans : ; 24 cm

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
Promptbooks -- Manuscripts -- 19th century ( lcsh )
Genre:
fiction ( marcgt )

Notes

Summary:
A promptbook for the play Marriage in 5 acts with extentsive notes.
General Note:
Promptbook includes typed pages with extensive notes from the stenographer and minor notes from the author.
General Note:
Includes cast list of performers.

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of South Florida Library
Holding Location:
University of South Florida
Rights Management:
Open for public research.
Resource Identifier:
033805331 ( ALEPH )
926064573 ( OCLC )
B16-036 ( USFLDC DOI )
b16.36 ( USFLDC Handle )

Postcard Information

Format:
Book

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This item has the following downloads:


Full Text

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ACT 3 CE NE .-A Lctwyer' s Office. Law Libran1 and Eng_ravings of Judges Law Almanacs etc agctinst the walls Door f, H in Ji'. M,.e lace R JI 2 E. Window L JI 2 E. Clerk's high Desk L H 2 E agninst Window. Un each side oj" door shelves holding Jnpanned tin cases, lettered: "JoHN PERSIMMONS, EsQ." CAPTAIN BARNACLE. 'HAGAR ORPHAN L ABORDE T RUST. ''MR. & MRs. CONSTANT Trn'E, l\1R. ARCHIBALD MEEK, Esg. Marriage Settlement." "W1nows' AND ORPHANS' "HEIRS OF Jos. BusTER." IN RE "Ex' ORS OF T A.RBox." "THE EARL OF MULDOON." MAGDALEN REFUGE. "THE EsTATE." (MuoGEON discovered seated o n a h igh stool at t h e rlesk L H.) MuoGEON, l_writinfll. There, that is done I (He folds and endorses a deed) Marriaise settlement of John Persimmons-Silas Auldjo, trustee That is another responsibility added to our burthen. (Rises and crosses to table R ill_flJohn Persimmons, aged 52, marries Miss Virginia Cud lem, aged 44. This aged pair have been engii:ged for twenty-six years! -he settles on his mature bride a handsome income for her separate use and the whole of his estate at his death. (He fctkes 'll:P et deed from the tableJ ::\Ir. A rchibald settlement on Miss Fanny Tarbox.-This young couple met each other only two months ago I l\IalTiage settle ments should be made a year after the wedding imtead of a few days \

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/ ___ lercdued k /Jdl: > CkdWe 1-o hd VZA: A? r t0t.-de 'J ..:__,

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1-;;:. Iv 2 before it. There is no 'equity in these contracts. A husband. has a right at common law to object to a bargain where the article when de livered is found not up to the sample. Wives should be held like some estates-on lease, to be revalued from time to time. id gong bell is heard outside.) Enter BmnLEs. /J_.t.. ;J; s ir, here's two coves as wants the governor. Enter PERsafuoNs and ,,O,,C. J-. PERS. Is that the way you announce clients in this office? MunGEON pointi-ng at Brnnr.Es. _What is that? Mun. That is omnew boy, sir.-He is one of Mr. Auldjo's specimens -raked out of the gutter and sent 1lo one of his Orphan Asylums, where they could not make a Christian of him, they turned him out. And Silas Auldjo took him in? just like him !-that old fool is the byeword of the town He is an amateur in rogues, thieves and vagabonds, as another man takes to antiques or rare old china. Now, I will wager this whelp has been in prison. Bm. (cryinq.) It worn't no fault of mine. PERS. Of course not-whose fault was it? Bm. Mother's. You were brought to jail by the bad exalllple of your parents, you mean? Bm. Please sir-it worn't her fault neither. PERS. H ow did you get into jail then? Bm. I was born there! Ancu. Poor boy !-Uncle John, where should we be now if our parents had given us such a start in life? I'll give him a sovereign. PERS.,J.tQ Bm.J. Get out-there's a penny. (To ARCHIE.) Extrav. agant commiseration encoul"ages 1 he evil it is intended to cousole. When the cup ot charity overflows it makes a mess. Are those deeds ready for signature? /&r k:,,r '7 q_/ Y
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3 MuD. Here they are, sir I Ifanrlin p on e to Arc hiballl and tlt e lier to Persimmons. .Ar c hibald R gnd to. e us e Uta. Mitdqeon refa1ns to his desk.) /.b:r, X / h -1 iaft-6 .AncH. It is of no use reading all this. MuD. None whatever, sir I When you wish to set it aside, I believe PERS. On what plea? Mun. If an old fool's will, made on his death bed unde.r undue influ ence, can be set aside on the pll'.la of weakness of the test'ator's mindPERS. Well, sir, what then? Muo How much more just to set aside a marriage settlement, made by a young fool a few hours before her weddingf under the influence of-PERS. Hold your cynical tongue, you quill -driving Diogenes I I wonder your employer has not got rid of you twenty years ago I Poor old Silas ; what a life he leads, shut up in this dingy kennel! He must be rich enough Vi'hy don't be retire from business? Mu o ound you I Don't you find fifty reasons? Each of those tin boxes contains the hopes and cares of a family. He is trustee to one, executor to another, guardian of a third. He is the husband of a dozen widows-the father of a score of orphans. He has grown to, love their trouhles aud to share their joys and sorrows It ain't.the pleasures we luve the most in life, sir, but the cares and pains that habit makes dear to us I I do believe if I was to go a winter through without my lumbago, I'd feel I had lost an old friend! PERS. Thus you think a nuisance may at last become indispensable PERS. Possibly that is the reason your master retains your services. ARCH. (who has been r e ading the deed this legal apparatus! Why cannot I give Fanny a fortune between two kisses, as I give her a set of
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4 ,,,.., I, aged 52, will marry my Virginia, aged-no matter ; our future is be hind us I h /P. ARCH. Is not your past a grateful compensation? You will always reflection that you left a young and loving girl twenty-five years ago, and when you returned here last month you found her faith ful. PERS. I went abroad to make an independence, promising myself to return and share it with her. Years passed by, and while hoarding a fortune I forgot I was squandering her youth and my own. I returned to find her the same in heart, but changed in form ; she had grown fat on fidelity fJ Ah, you recollect the unhappy dog in the fable gave Uf> the substance for the shadow. I am the unhappy dog that gave up the shadow for the substance ; but my affection survived the shock. She was my first and only-I should say early-love And she had adored me-only nm-for twenty-five years I Think of that! Think of the incense of those twenty-fiv.i years offered up to me I Regard twentyfive years of youth burning steadily away in front of my image I Con template a vestal virgin growing micidle-aged at my feet, on her knees, hugging my promise to her heart--faith on her l>row and hope in her heart I I raised her in my arms, where she found, at last, the reward of virtue. &vt. Mun. (aside). Poor Virtue! (Aloud.) ut perhaps, sir, she found t you equally changed. / .f hi Not a bit. I asked her ; she assured me I had rC>t grown a day older. i T ou are a happy man I She is a fine woman still I Sh! has not lost her figure --p ERS. No one can accuse her of that I ARCH. A little round -PERS. A long way ronnd. ARCH. Oh, come, she has a waist I P T b0 /1'-cf ERS. he only waist a out her 1 s :i;a.y" waste o her years. ARc:H.John P ersimmons, don't provoke me to tell yon she is only too good for you. PERS. Eh What? what ? She is a splendid, lovable creature, and if I were not about to

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become your nephew I would cut you out, if I could, a.nd become my own uncle No ; I mean-Don't expl::i.in ; don't! Embrace me I Your indignati on is so consoling I did but arouse your defence that I might listen to her praise. I know I am too o!d to marry, but so sensitive to ridicule that my vanity prompts ID" to be the first to say what I most dread to hear. Mun. Cheer up, si r I A man is never old when he is young enough about a woman. ARCH. So all your youth is to come PERS. Do you think so? Eh! really? /';z,,vd /p What is wanting? You feel as capable of loving her as you did twenty years ago ? PERS, More so, more so Your heart is still as full of trnst and faith? / PERS. F .uller I much fuller I !'\. ARCH. You enjoy all the illusions of boyhood ? Every one of them I I've s tored up my wild oats. Mun These are signs of a green old age, sir, a very green old age! J6 You hfLve saved up a vigorous youth to pass it at the other end of your We PERS. Mudgeon, your hand 1 I have betrayed myself to you both. Sta y. LTu Mudgeon ) a wedding present for you. (Gives him a ring.) 'Tis a diamond I've worn it for many years. Mun. Oh, sir, this is too rich a present to so poor a man as I am. 1'.' .f lv<{t PERS. Take it, you oid rogue 1 'Tis a token given me many years ago by-ha, ha 1-a lovely c reature who adored me! I ought not to keep it when now this hand i s pledged to another. Not a won]! I may trust you. Y ,;/-rr { j. ( G ong bell soimds twice.) Mun There's Mr. Auldjo. h l'Oe-44& Enter SrLAS. /J L' .;._ Where is he ? Where is that--Ehl Mr. Persimmons, I ask your pardon; Mr. Meek, yours. Forgive me, gentlemen, but I hoped to find that rascal son of mine at 'his desk. I hope to finl him d /,,,,#' MA fta,,I t r

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/:--J'-(!jo /Uc.vJJ If ,,,

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while I am in this temper. I can talk to him now, but if I cool down I shall not be able to use the language h9 deserves. fi v "'{'lo !SJ.What is the matter /bt.J', u,J.eJ Y t:_Read that letter just i rrivcd ; it come rom a highly respect able solicitor. [_Hands a letter to Persimmon A pretty record I you will find there of how our firm has been behaving itself when it went abroad to conduct a v:tluable lawsuit. oC PERS. [!earls) "DEAR Srns.-The enclosed account has been trans-mitted to us for collectio,.n. The goods as we arc instructed were fur' 1nished to your order. (Beads enclosed bill. )4... One rich gray silk polo naise, trimmed chenille fringe $ 2 black satin corsets 6 30 yards of Brus/_rrlt.f al' sels lace dozen pairs of gloves, 8 buttons, numoer 5!f. What is all this eh? "The above invoice was delivered to M'lle Rosalie. :.::-A cheque at your convenience will Y d .filedA year ago I took my son Walter into partnership, and the first piece of business confided to his care was the estate of a ward in Chancery-a young lady, who resided where l'lhe had been educated, in a French convent. He went to France to escort her to this country, as the Vice Cha ncellor decreed the orphan heiress should be brought within the jurisdiction of the courts. Walter, representing our firm, was ten months over this business-and there is how our funds were employed. Mou:-'"Don't be unjust to the boy You know the young lady eloped from the convent--and our Walter was pursuing her over all Europe. The money be drew was required to pay the police who assisted him. PERS. Diel the police require black satin corsets, and were six dozen pairs of gloves with eight buttons necessary to the Ancrr. Ob-I understand it I This is part of an order Walter kindly undertook to-to buy on my account .-Please give it to me-this is my affair. /V
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7 f;.,f/d Ancrr., (aside.) Oh I I hope he wont betray me. p -. I -.L. WALT. Ha-Mr. Persimmons-good day.-What Archie too 1I'' Oh, I suppoFe you have come to sign yo ur se ttl e ments AncH. Congratulate me. ( H e takes Walter apart and explains in clnrnb sh _ow aboitt the account ) 81LAs, (asicle to P ers. ) Don t tell Walter I suspected him. PERS. Not a word. ( Silas bitsies himself at the table.) Hnm !-I wonder if Fanny's number is 5f. Hum !-two pair of black satin cor. sets-I think it would surprise Fanny to receive such a present from her intended, especially if they fitted-and who i s Rosaiie ?-Archibald Meek is lying, I saw it on his face. (Look s bac k ancl sees Walter laugh ancl shake llfeek's hcmcl.) And now I see it on Walter's face. S1LAS. The deeds are ready 1-W alter, you can serve as one of the atte s ting witnesses. i'.f lo .Fb-e /:>14 AncH. I feel as if I were making my will. __., .MuD;}\Worse, sir-a will is the end of a man's troubles, a marriage /A ce1tificate is the beginning of them. rJI Now, Mr. Persimmons. P&c.r. .&4::f /p :J_ (They are about to si,qn lfA JI.Ong bell heard.)# P ERS. Interrupted at such a moment I-is that a warning bell ? (MuDGEON goes to door ancl looks out.) SrLAS. Let that client wait in the outer office. MuD. Impossible, sir -'tis Mrs. Con stant Tiffe. PERS. My niece I ARCH. My Fanny's stster. MuD. She is in mourning. --Y(J'--c4 h PEns Oh, Lord I she has quarrelled with her husband again They quarrel once a month. Then she goes under her marriage ment like a tigress and demands a separation. We al ways know her condition for she puts on mourning to provoke enquiry. Then, after a

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A -:f'vc:u 5 t'f IC/ rX:
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8 week of mortification she creep s out like a spaniel, and whines for a caress. /J' fl(). ,7-. (Ente r Mns. CoNSTANT TIFJ<'E. ) Mus. C ( w i t h sup ressed passio17::J Good morning, Mr. Auldjo. Oh uncle John; you a r e h e re !-w much the b etter Good day, Walter. Mr Meek, you are going to maITy my sister Fanny-I cordially wish her a happier fate than mine t PERS Has Tiffe been at it again, my dear
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. Iv rt. /;JJ!2 -M n s a r e r i ght, uncl e ; I have no right to dei;troy your illu sions. Mr Au-'.djo--will you t a k e m y in s tructions for the deed of separa1Ju,d 5-e--v-u-!:!:/_:.> ce. h /.f e .J-SILAS h t m have a dr aft of s uch a one you gave me instructions for on a former occa s ion. Mun. We have nine dra fts--on nine former occasions! PERS. Nine they all blew over. fl (A gong b e ll hear cl. ) # --= M un., ,.Ylife of a lap dog .t;;/u. <_

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10 !!v p/n'(c.A'-PERS. Virginia should torment hcrsalf in-that mn.nncr on my accmmt, I shall pear the persecution with : tffectionate good humor. Ay, because jealousy is a compliment to an old fellow, but 'tis a bore to a young one. PERS. A man's age, sir. like his fortune, is not to be measured by has spent in the worlcl, but mther by what amount remains nn squ'1nde1ed Many young fellows of 52 possess more ot life than your decrepit spendthrifts of 26. ,!uW Y t-t-o /&, There are Mr. and Mrs. Constant Tiffe on the sidewalk having it out, while that imp Biddles is looking on from the stoop and cheering the performance. SILAS. My goodness, let us separate them ; they will collect a. crowd in the street. h 0 'I-c. Exeunt SUas and Persirnmons. Your mention of his age hurt his feelings. fr,, W A.L. I hit him in the almanac-but I owed him one for bis attacks Mudgeon. The old crab, he was suckled ou a iemon "t-1 '4 oC. Mon. Bless your dear heart I ut I have not recovered from the fright I fell into when your father arrived with that milliner's bill. Mr. Meek took it all upon himself. l He is used to it! When we were at school together be always suffered for my misdeeds, and bis back soomed to enjoy the penalty be took from mine. Archie, you are an unconscious hero I /bi. ARCA. You are always doing me a How can I foTget th 'l yon obtained FanRy for me? WAL. After you had won her I but you would not SPe it ARCH. Ilow did you discover it? I ma.de love to her on my own account You courted my Fanny ? \VAL, How otherwise could I have obtained her confession that she lo Te'd another? I left her no alternative. That other she avowed was you ; she bound me tu secresy. ARCH. And you came direct to tell me I W A.T,, She relied on that.

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11 ARCH. Oh, Walter I If she had accepted you, what shoul d I have done? No, but what sheuld I have for the t:uth isI a m married already! Married? ; 5 olo--rru /t? ARCH. You married MuD Where ? \\ hen ? To whom 'r 1,f h q,,, WAL. When.e-arago. Where ?-in Paris. T o whom Rosalie Laborde. To our ward in Chancery? Oh, Mr. Walter I what have you done? The girl was a sacred trust committed to our charge. This act must bring the old man to ruin, and the firm that stands so high to bankruptcy and is rich. We were entrusted with her fortune. WALT. I wou't touch a penny of it! We httd t-fte eat e tif h:er per !titt WMlf. I weB't RB, I eaa't say that! ARCH. Stop I do uot understand all this! I thought that young lady had eloped from her WAL So she did-with me I -&' hen you did not employ the V rench police to pursue her all over Europe ? V /B. WAL. Yes, I did. and we followed them in the1 search. Two years ago our firm were concer11ecl for a Company working an iron mine in Scotland. It was uiscoverecl that the richest part of the vein ran under a small neighoring estate belonging to a yonng o;-phau girl, residing in Frnnce. 'l'he Board of Directors proposed to buy this property before its mineral value was disclosed to the owner. My father resisted this conspiracy to defraud the a\Jsent child, and appealed to the Court of Chancery to protect her interests. (e ""' ,,; el J / ARCH. Just like him. 1 rvv-<)Y This appeal was successful. Our firm were appointed Guard-ians of the girl and Trustees of the property. r V ,,h

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12 hereby losing the business of the Company by making a girl w a millionaire ARCH. Bless him for it. I think-that is I hope I should have same had I been in bis place. Uh, Walter, how prc.ud you must be of such a father I Muo. you, sir I Thank you .... --''Y u.eA4v was dispatched to Bordeaux to brina -our ward to this 0 country, so that she might re!ide within the jurisdiction of the Court. I found her iu a Convent. During our first interview, I forgot I was a lawyer and a guardian, and a trustee; I forgot the Scotch mine, for I found iu that peaceful retreat one of heaven's own bonanzas-a human mine that gives dividends every minute. Then by right of discovery I staked out my claim. durru 'k, Mun. Oh, sir, did you reflect before you took this step ? !(i Who does reflect when the world and all that is in it is flung t o the stars, and the only sky above is the smilmg face of a loving woman, the horizon her arms and the earth her bre:ist. Y cs, we both reflect ed that if conducted to this city, my father's honor would place her be yond my reach. That reflection drove us to and despair drove us to church. Muo. And while the French police were pursuing the fugitive, where both that they could not :find you ? WAT,. We wt>re in heaven The police never dreamed of going h;;--h /i?_ Mudgeon is right! If this girl was confided to your father by the Court you have taken advantage of his position to violate the trust. -C, .Muo You are liable to be sent to prison and endure the awful con -sequences of abducting a ward in chancery I How will you defend yourself? a.I ta.c4? "/ WAL. I shall prvduce her in court. There is an amount of provocapalliates murder, and her beauty will justify my temporar y insanity_ABut we have one chance to escape all clanger. Rosal ie has reaso-; tobelieve her father still lives. Muo. Her father alive I If that be so, bis authority supersedes that the court. What proof have you of

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13 WAL. We can find no proof of his death, no even of his name, fo;th'; one she bore, Laborde, was her mother's maiden name. Here is the only relic she seems to have preserved of him This 'l)'jA discov-ered amongst her papers and effects after her death. '1 IA f \..J, 1 r" (Hands a plioto!!_mph to .Me ek.) (.(; cfARCH. This is a portion of a photograph ; only half the face remains I it bas been partially WAL. L ook at the back. ARCH (reads _'My husband, 18b7." ,;; Twenty years ,,l WAL T he year before Rosalie was born. -Muo. You have only discovered one-half of her father. ARCH. How do you propose to find the other half? WAL. Do you see the name of the photographer ? ARCH. (reads). "John Watkin_!?z Dover. J /e1 hu,,-4> WAI,. I went to Dover-followed up that W atkinA-traccd him to Hull-thence to Bristol-lost him-found him again in Plymouth-lost him again-till yesterday, when I nailed him in Melbourne, A11stralia \ Muo. But you do not expect he can remember a man who sat for a likeness 20 years ago. XJ_ h WAL. Observe the offi.ciril number on the photograph, "3827," aud attached, "Negatives preserved; may be obt'tincd by fv sending to us the above number." This mornin;.? I calJled John Watj.:J kins, Photographer, Collins street, Mclbou1nc: "Send mi:i ten copies of (/VV photograph number 3827, taken by you at Dover, for which draw on me at siaht for ten ponnds ; if you can trace by you: books the name of the sitter cable me that name and draw on me for a hundred." I am wait-ing for his reply .A.ocrr. Do you think he has kept any such record or for all this time? WAL. The h ope is slender, I confess. It is like cutting into the pack trying to turn up a father. Muo. Every child ought to be tattooecl with its parents name and address.X,,, h, .,yve-d h /l ( ./ "2 J ARCH. I wish I could help you in your difficulty. [I

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. 0 lhck YJo eJ Jectd .w /g-e-/&.d ,_u he
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14 You can. I am in expectation of the arrival of my w ife from Switzerland, whe r e I left her six weeks ago, and 1 have no home to offer her. I dare not take her to a hotel. Lend me your rooms, you to-morrow, so you will never need them again. 1flfA-n.Cli. :VIy dear Walter l I am so obliged to you for the proposi tion Here are the keys You know where everything is to be found. WAL. From a bottle of champagne to a bootjack. ARCH. Make her at home. _Iv _,,_""' Stop I forgot-there is a little difficulty-perhaps you might object to this. (Hands him a te!Pgranij__, Anon. What is it > X.. 'J h Ii?. WAL. A telegram I rectived from Switzerland a month ago. /hA.Aet. Anon., (rertrling ) "It is a boy." It! WAL. Yes, you see it was an it for some time before it was establis"he'dto be a he. MuD. You don't mean to say the-the firm is a ARCH. WAL. Gracious! Walter i8n't it awful! What is to be You cannot take that on your shoulders. clu?rz..c : e_ Don't make a joke of such a subject. WAL. I have n:i.med this youngster after you l Mr Archibald Cu.dolJ:'; Anon. I'll put him into my will at once. WAL. Don't love me, the danger I run You will Boilli!S secret? h-u-r, with a. pile of trunks on the r0of; there's a larly inside, and-oh !-there's a baby l Exit Brom.Es. WAL. \Vhat ( : ushes to th e window and yushe s MuoGEON aside.) 'Tis Rosalie! 'Tis my wife l and my-my baby. Oh, Lord l

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WAL. 15 Jr, tW Ill:/. r.> .. f /-u f!w_rrLet me see. .1l. c,.U;-1-e Get out of the way I ( Knouks him asidi;; he falls OW>" uf -(Exit WALTER.) .J-GefA ..3!:I!.J... ARCH. ARCH. Mun. His wife! our child-arrived! Tl ere they arc. Oh! I must speak to her--and I must kiss that baby. (R11'8he 8 ov&O a:;. 'J" A ncH. Dear old chap! How delighted he is, to be sure (Go e s to window. ) He jumps into the cab he takes her in his arms, baby and all! Little Archie Only fancy my being a godfather, without know ing I had a son of that kind I But oh I surely something has hap-. pened Here comes Mudgeon back again and Walter also. They look scared. Re-enter MunGEON. Mun. Oh, Lord I Oh, dear I lo Whathashappened? Mun. Here a.re Mr. Persimmons and :\Ir. Auldjo coming back ; the are walking up the street. Thoy did "' ,,. W ma J3 ,ffi--What an escape ([) WAL. ARCH. Mun. Ha.s the cab and the lady gone away? /ti 'fJ'wt!/PC WAL. No. I hadn't time to give directions to the driver. (MunGEON looks out of the window. Mun. There they are. Your father is stopping to speak to a client. WAL. Archie I you can save me I h How? I'll do L-/' J ..... '<. 1vr '-Q ..JY......AL. Go down
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_hi? Hi..e.u hrr dl'.uc. '
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16 his overcfJai too large eowraps his fignrn. There he goes! S urel y they wi.Jl never recognize (Exit .A.RCHIBAT,n. ) Mun. (at the window.) Here cemcs your father and Persimmons. '/)tA!:. -. WAL. Will he escape their (Loolcs out ) There he goes Ha! ha I what a scarec:row be looks, so. The horse shies at him. No wonder. He speaks a word to the driver Mun. See, Persimmons is looking that way. WAL. Archie a header into the cab. Bravo I t hey a r e o 1!A_0h, Mun, I heard a woman scream WAL. 'Twas Rosalie I The introduction was too sudden. She was for the '.j lo n. lted.-Tttto the cab outsidt:along-witki:he lml lt.ild. Mun. Oh, (Exit BrnoLEs.)...C-.ej'! PEns. I was sure it was he I I heard him give his address to the driver I la dy-:t What does it all me.an? 4f PER\l. It means t\at your friend, whom you introduced to my n i ece .. rncl to our family, is a libertine I That a gentleman on tt e eve of his marriage docs not pr.lYide polonaises and fringes, and eight button gloves,

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ct cetera, for-ahem -w.ell -not to put too fine a frill upon it-for episodic females like \1 adcmoiselle Rosalie. Yes, sir, we know all about that young person who arrived here bag, baggage and baby, in vited by your friend and expected by him, evidently. He met her at this very door. Sn.AS. I did not think him capable of making use of our place of businclss for such a rendezvous I PERS. The day before his wedding with my niece! Sn.As. He was in disguise. I am obliged to him that he exhibited so far some respect for the firm. PERS .. What respect does he show for his h. let us not forget that wh:u transpires here within these offices is sacred. He is my client. I regret to say so. No matter. .Family secrets are inviolable. Walter is my partner. Mud geon is my confidential assistant This awful business must go no further. WAL. I shall be the last to speak of it, sir. SILAS. Mudgeon will take it to his grave. Mun. (asideJ At this rate I shall soon be there. PERS. Oh, my poor Ftinny Yon little dream of what a wolf you are going to discover under this sheep's clothing. :Hy Walter possesses unbounded influence over this misguided young man. He will exert it in defence of your neice. WAL. :.>it is a sacred enterprise io which I devote my noblest energies. Ki> fAj3 1-r/ I ._ I PERS. Do you think you can induce him to put an end to this licentious affair ? WAL. I shall make it a personal matter with him ; having been to his marriage-PERS. So you were I Yon are entitled to protest. WAL I feel so. I have the best right in the world to intervene m this case. I'll go at once. Iv r, ha.P PERS. The sooner the better.

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18 Muo. asiile He is walking on a tight rope. He'll be over in a minute. SILAS. I would not have believed it of Archibald Meek I -W:.::-I don't believe it yet. do-rru ft)About hutrlired? WAJ., it five. lOJJ i -1._.XalrPs llw chefl.1U'._ and e:r:-tt.) C?O. <,.;}., F LaUc ye h -oe.. '8 / I wish I may ave such a son.J,(They gn mtl. ) L>. "--.}; M nnnEoN opens his rlesk tak1'8 011t a f:tu,, nnd ..IJfass mul lr<'?n7ilrngly takPs a glass nf l>randy.

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h' _k!:f!.... J;;i; fu'u-. I ) llic-tt /u1Tlt.u Cc.u J2 .);l _C<,L-
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SCENE .-A Drawhy; room in th e house of Mrs. Tarbox A 1'ich Toilette R H Bay window, 1ichly ciwtained, L JI Fire place in similar 1'ecess R II. MRs. TARBOX s e ated L H; FANNY and the bridesmaids stand R about the 'l'oilette; J osEPHINEJ on her knees, 1s sew ing on a bo11{;11et of flowers to FANNY's. bridal dress. MRs TARBOX, (affect e d to tems.) My poor lamb-the crisis of your life is at hand! You are about to perform the supreme sacrifice in which you appear at once as the votary and the victim I How do you feel? FANNY, (who has been raising lier elhou.) A little tight under the arms-this satin body stifles me. JosEPH., (looking up. Oh, miss! you said you had plenty of room 'vhen you tried on the dress last week. FANNY. Yes, but you did not allow for the excitement, and I have a great bif!; lump here, that stops my breath. Oh! I am so faint, let me sit down! /i. l;;:zk.H-e. MRs. TAn., (slarti11y up as a cl1air to Frtnn1J..J. On no account, my dear! you would ruin the folds of yoiir dress. .Bear up my child-control your feelings Be graceful and let me do the emotion. P Z v_ FANNY. Hoefshall I ever get through I'm sure I shall break down, or cry. MRS. TAR. A few tears would be seasonable. 1 r 1 L;,. /Jwr i un -.r ..._.,.,.Jal< H' FANNY. But whenever I cry I always want to blow my nose. 0-':' MRs. TAR. Then they must not be thought of Keep your mi:1d steadily fixed on the programme we rehearsed-Where is that tion I prepared for to-morrow's newspapers\ Here it i I wrote it {}>,,, .J

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0f IP. /, y .ko. 2 J;rPJ. y J 3E'

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20 myself! Those reporters indulge in pert remarks and vulgar jokes upon these solemn occasions. (Reads r':.J!_aper she lut s ta ken fl'oin lter 71ocket.) '' The bride entered the sacred ed ific e leani!:lg gracefully upon the of her brother in-law, Constant Tiffe, Es followed b the brides maids and then came Mrs. Tarbox, su orted by Lord Bubblemere by her two .affectionate friends, Miss Dexter and "Mrs. sbee, v,a.inly e-:adea.oring tnoolli!Ole the-beres.ed mother." Now my de ar, let u s try that my love, giva me your arm--you will do for the lord., Miss Sniff, will you Oh, please don't include ipe I'm nobody! Ile he he! I'm a super--I'll sit in the gallery among the crowd He I h'l he! c(j (niffs.) r ":/ \xw t' ; ftik'J /I W1 e Mns. T. Very well. Girls, take your placeJ anu try to as much like bridesmaids as you can-no giggling, if you please Ip So Carry your bead a little 10wer, my darling-modest oppressi on Where's my handkerchief? Now, imagine we are entering the church door and parading down the centre aisle. Soft music from the organ Now, all together. h rL! .N.., /-A.e,u h '8.:..__ The procession formed 1.!J! R. FANNY awl JOSEPHINE. 'P!tl'n ..f2_11r bl'itle8maid:o. Then Mns. TARBOX, 'lettni'l't!J AnA's arm. 11teJL They advance. they move. MRS. T Oh! hoo Oh boo! boo 87w ll!E2fJS. Head a little on one side. That's better. Hoo hoo Bmr't'tread on my train. Miss ;Th'! ter! Spread on't muddle--the tmicession FANNY. When am I to raise my face, mamma l MRs. T. Never, my dear, until the ceremony is FANNY. But the people will see only the nape of my neck. I shall hide Archie's beautiful new locket under my chin. n P f 17-"ll-(0, Mns. T. Reserve your face for the last moment=-when you turn from the altar to fall into my arms and receive the congratulations of your friends. Stand there, Fanny (pointing to rlrcssillIJ. table), let us consider that toilett e is the altar. Miss SN. Very appropriate, indeed, my dear Mrs. Tarbox. Young ladies make so many sacrific es therG to the god of marriage.

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Mns. T. What a pity yours were 'lever accepted, my love. Mrss SN. He! he! (Sn(ffs.) Now, my dear, attention The blessing has been pronounced. How graceful that back appears! Now, your unhappy mo her is sensible of her loss-she utters a heartbroken soh, at hearing whirh you trn. Hoo! that's the cue! (FANNY t11rns.) .\fy child! (EmbmrB.s her.) Throw your arms over me with graceful sympathy. o. urnupyour eyes to heaven. does the locket stand out? Jos., and tlte liridesmairls, in one accord. Oh! beautiful! Bravo I (Enter Pl!?t< SIMMONS and VIRGINIA.) oC. .7. PE:ss. What tomfoolery is that sister of mine after now. MRs. 'r. Brother John, you have the manners of a bear. /3/i:, PERS. I'm a bull, Betsy. I've not been a bear these thrPe ye us, worse luck! I 'ut, as armies
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cj /Jz;u x J /v ft:i. e, / j-,_i_'cU,CuA o<--(,dJ. d A..vc a.a

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22 \1ns. T. I hope you will find it so, I'm sure FANNY. I expected we 'should go to the a ltar in hand. Miss SN. My dear, perhaps your aunt desired to avoid disparaging comparisons He! he! (Sniff& No, indeed! but John made the excuse he desired to g i ve you away-an offer he could not fulfil-Mns. T. If he was giying,J1imself away at the same time! f..J FANNY. So, uncle "John, you are going to be my parent on this occasion I wish my poor papa were alive to replace you Don't-he is better off, wherever he is. Vrna. Here is a bridal present I have brought you. (IIandir!fJ lier a case .) May your happiness be as bright, pure and without flaw as these brilliants. Oh! how beautiful Dear Virginia, whenever I wear them I shall think of you.


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. 0 0 fe, ....

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PEnS ((. ell, I suppose I .am expected to come down handsome! al though I see in nature no reason wh1v pill should be gilt. Here, my Jove, is my wedding gift.'('./ fl ands FANNY a pnrchme11t deed. It is a mortgage deed on a sc und bit o property tied up seeurely to yourself. c.C6M1ss SN. Very considerate, indeed. It will give you a nice little income, darling, when, bye-and-bye, you separate from your husband. He he ( f:Jn(tJ's.) PERS. Can't you let me butter the girl without turning my butter /'.-o Y n. 1-o _j}_le-enter JOShPilINE.) /J.OC,J-. Jos. Lord Bubblemere and the Honorable M.iss Fungus are come, ma'am. (JosEPHINE arranges FANNY's l1'ain) T. A.h I thoughtless creature, to blurt out the new!! in tha Jlearl,v fashion. (E111brarin!J Frmn.11-l Oh, my poor iamb I Has the time :-{, come when we must part She is going to the sacrifice! C FA'tY.0. Non sense, mamma, I'm not a lamb at all; if there's a lamb in the case 'tis Archibald ; and thtre is no sacrifice, at lea'lt on my part, for I feel he is too good for me, and if I can not be the happiest wife in the it will he my own fault. Mns. T. My dear child, these are dangero:.is sentiments in a young married woman. For Heaven's sake keep them to yourself I don't let your _hu:;band he11.r 'em. \ our happines.s depends upon securing the upper band. During the first week or two of marriage all men are weak; he will be submissive, keep him so. Once you get him down keep him down. Let him once get up you will never ge, him down again l .Married life is a game of bluff. The player that can frighten the other into laying down the cards, takes up the stakei. Keep the upper hand, my love. --Yo-e.r 'fo R
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--{o-o /' ll2uctc, Ou/Jdft

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re l'ERS. Who bro MRS. T. 24 t that boy here! PERS. out for ou .:_ M ns. T. Well, s ince the fatal hour h:is anived. Brother John, you will give your arm bride. Jos., h e r a r arcl.) Hist I Miss-read it quick-'tis from Mr. Archibald J.!!:_eunt all but FANNY, VIRGINIA and PERsnrnoNs.l .r FANNY2 ( reads a p m t. } "Tam in the pantry-do let me see you for one m!nute r oor boy I L Alouc bJ Uncle John, read that r e'.-ht!Ju--. ( H lze speaks asid e to JosEPHINE, tl'ith ltm, R -.!!_x1t JosEPHINE, f l H, at bar;!i:.:J !'P P1rns., (aside to VmGINIAj I have reason to believe that be wishes to confide to h er, before their marriage, a secret with which his conscience is oppressed. h.vz h:, 61-V mG. A secret!P1rns. Hugh! An old love affair which has rather-ahem I-em barrassing result s Archibald
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v/ to e/l vH" 25 t, PERS. And I approve of your purpose. I applaud the honorable you entertain to forming new ties until you have "plucked from the heart a rooted soi'l'ow." ARCH., ( bewildeied.) I have not got any soi.Tow with roots. PERS., (points to a_!:2s e i:JJJ!:is button-lwle.J. But you may have as rose that has, roots that r eacb to your heart. I say "a rose." You see, I understand. ARCH. Then I won't detain you to explain. lover any act of' he life she dues n pledges, she is for sworn while tters the oath, nd signs her own divorce when she bscribes the m rriage register (1 ith s ignificance lo PYc The same lies to a :QJ.an ho hides in his eart a firml rooted 1:Arcbibald, you are doing the right thing luf h.D
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26 A ucrr. 'fliat is what. I foar You will find out what I am when it is too d:J. rlF ANNY. Find what'?-Have you beeu guilty of someubing 7 Is there a skeleton in your c upb oard '? AncH. .A skeleton' FANNY. I mean some undivul ge d enormity you want me to share .AncH. Oh, F anny of what d<> you suspect me 'I i.A-r F ANNY. Nothing. I was rn hopes I you on y lack one heroic demerit to be sn blim e .Ancrr. What charm can such a girl a s you are find in me? I know I a m full of imperfections. Those first attracted me I The weakness of your heart over came mine, for I could not love a man who had no redeeming faults You do n 1t know bow good you are. You want a more selfish self to combine with your nature, as they say quick s ilver combines with gold in the ore and serves to extract the more precious metal I'll be your quicksilver. Do you unjerstand '? t,d ARC H No; but it is so sweet! Go on I -rrrAV fcvpd F ANNY. Other young men appeared to me so full of themselves, there was no room for another idol in their selfish heartil. Their loves, like their buttonholes, seemed worn a s an ornament-stuck on with a pin and change d daily. But you never had a lo\e till you had mine, h ad you? .AncH. Nothing like this I /;-J-:J Jvzx, FANNY. And if I had not made love to you as I am making it now, you would never have had the courage to make me happy. Other fellows do it before marriage ; perhaps I shall do better And you Fanny, have you never had a lover 7 FANNY. Yes, dear, fifty-buttonholes, every one of them. ARCH. But none of them ever r e ached a s Ligh as your heart? FANNY. They never reached higher than my waist, nor lasted longer than a round dance.
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h-.:dJ Y--Ah c:; o-u_

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27 into the world's ears what we scarcely dare to whisper in ou.r own? offering to the grimace of the crowd our tenderest emotions This marriage ceremony feels more like a pillory than a sacrament; I tear and loathe the ordeal, don't you? FANNY. No, dear. I am only a woman and so long as I am by your side, I don't ca : e for all the rest. Jos. Your mother is calling for yon, :Miss. tu...r h .,._ d;. FANNY. Good-bye, Archie.,. Why, you look as if this was the most miserable mstead of the happiest day of you.1 life In half an hour we meet, never to part again Take courage. ( h e holds iip her face to him.) ARcn. I will. (Kisses her;.:) iJM, o( -g u-e..-<-h..en Enter CONSTANT Tn'FE. /J.. Jos. Yes, sir. C. T. Then you had no business on the stage. (Catches her round. What part were you cito:f}; Jos. (1isengoging you please, sir. Come, iv.fr. Archibald. (He r mu8lin apron remains 1n his hand; she rnns out, fol lowed by AncHIBALD. ,() C. T., (going up into inner room and looking qff.) What a provoking eye the witch has I and a trim figure, too I With a little fitting out, a fellow might pass her off for a lady-at a distance. Enter Mns. CONSTANT T1FFE. A}. a{!. .J.; C. T. '7My mourning is the remark rif everybody. I knew it would make a sensation I They all notice I avoid Tiffe. My indiffer ence makes him furious ; but I am too proud to make the slightest move towards an explanation. Oh I there be iR. I thought I shou ld find him (T1FFE thrusts the apron into his breast.) n...($. J\IR. C. T. Do you think, Madame, you display a decent feeling your sister, or good taste towards our acquaintance by appear-

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28 ing at her wedding in that dress, and thereby parading our private affairs, to invite remarks ? MRS. C. T. What rema:ks? C. T. You desire to intrude our quarrel on public notice. MRs. C. T. I am not ashamed of my part in it. C. T. That is not the question. The part you are playing now in your mother's house is an outrage on your own family. :\!Rs. C. T I cannot wear a face or a dress that does n'ot fit me, out of respect to any one, T.bere is nothing false about X, J h R.. C. T. You deceive yourself; you are false at this moment That dress is put on for effect. You temper is a mask, under which you con ceal the remorse you suffer while you commit the outrage you defonn. MRs. <". T. Ob, I know, in your eyes, I am full of imperfections. 'Tis only another man's wife who can be gentle, or good, or lovely-( begins to cry.J C. T. Now you are talking nonsense You know I never looked at another woman. I am incapable of it. MRs. C T. Then why did you tell me that you spent last Tuesday night at your club, when you never went near the place? C. T Why did you so far forget yoursf'lf, as to parade the street opposite my club all night, to play detective on your husband MRS. C. T. You did not come home until one in the morning; respectable people don't keep such hours. were you all that time? C. T. I told you where I bad been MRs. C. 'l'. I have only your word for that. C T You did not come home u11til two in the morning ; where were you all that time ? Mns C. T. Looking for you. C. T. I have only your word for that. MRs. C. T. Oh he dares to suspect his wife -h R C. T. Oh she pretends to suspect her husband I h MRs. C. T. Pretends

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/

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C. T. Yes, madam Thes e fits of Ruspicio n, which were periodic, are becoming constitutional. Self-torment is now your normal state, sunering your only enjoyment, nntil, I do b e lieve you would grati fied to discover proofs of my infid e lity. MBs. C. T. There is no love without jealousy. J(.r /o Cl(! C T .There is no comfort without warmth But that i s no reaRon you ..:bould set my house afire 4 MRS. C. T Ob I can't argue with you; you are a lawy er; yon are too s nbtlr, for me. But I have a woman's and I fec>I -C T. Oh, Lord 'l'hat is enough MRS. c. r. Yes, sir, I feel-,,;b k ,J-e., C. T. You feel for I wi s h you would feel for me a little -,,1;:.rur c. T. Oh, Constant r What sympath y did you R110w for me when you saw me so miserable ? C. T I was afraid of encouragtng your malady-sympathy is RO provocativ e / .a MRs. C'. '!...:.., You knew I-I wanted only one kind word to bring mn down, but you were glad of an ex cu s e to quarrel. C. T Now, So;hie, you know I love you /I.VG MRs. C. T. Ob, oh, I have been so unhappy (weeping.) C T So have I. MRs. ('. T. I have not clo se d my ey-:s for th e ]agt two nights ifJ }:J:!!.P] 7 1
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" ___ Alee llUA,,v t j/7JVU h"Utc/vrr-_ t-lee-t.f

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30 l\Jns. C. thought we should make it up, Constant (going up to doorf: I'll run np stairs and change my dress. C. T. Shall I send home for the one you bad made for the wedding? MRs. C T., ( tllrn i ng at the door. [Exit. ,,() C. 'l'. What /n amiable confession! 8he is a Rimple child of nature, perverted by h er love for me 8he idolizes me. Any man who has been made an idol o( knows what a wooden thing it makes of a fellow to be stuck up and wor s hipped. Poor thing! (Stqps at thr' toilette glas& t.ts lie passe s it, twists h i s moustach"! a11d settle8 !tis hair.) He l he I ha! Poor {1. .. !lC. .J._ tr, E11te r JoS"i::PiuNr., Brn111."':s. 11tmts. Jos. Come in; we can see them from this window. (They go tu wi ndoi.t at sid e ) There they go! There's Miss Fanny and old Persimmons. Don't my young lady look beautiful? (!.' Oh, lov e ly I 8he is a picture Jos. She is a picture, :111cl I made it? 8be is going to have the marriage knot tied. Brn. But I thought there was agoin' to be two of 'em bounced I Where's t'other one? Jos. She was married this morning to Mr. Persimmons. Brn. The early bird cotched the worm, didn't she? Jos. Being a bride, it ain't etiquette for her to attend another wedding the same day. Bm. Had enough of it'! Q,e:r:p Tb go th bride maid Jos. I am going along with them on their bridal tour. There will be Mr. and Mrs. Persimmons of the party. I shall see it all. .. fi'.i:'l'flirlhms-: Oh, how nice! 1 fe!V'7J #/,ff .f.v (,. j'f)Jos. lliss Fanny could not get on without me. oaly 'to -think that just at this very minute maybe she's on the werry werge of bein' somebody else. Miss Fauny is meltin' into Mrs. Archibald Meek.

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C:) Jv-J. #U, h-rc
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31 She is put into a church door Miss Fanny, and in five minutes she comes out another person It's like conjuring. Only to think, as none of us kno\f w}).at we are going to be Ain't it awful I !..t I I'd like to get it Over. Jos. It ML. Meek don't make her happy, hanging will be too good for him. Ob, be ain't like them Titres. 1 know be ain't. 'Cos I seen him with that French gal-how sweet he was to h e r. Jos. Seen Mr. Meek with a Frwcb gal ? Bm. W ern't I tber.e la11t night at his rooms, after the French girl got setled A real splendid lady she is. She can't speak a word oi English. 8be arrived yesterday at our office, l:ut Mr. Archibald be hurried her away to bis place ALL Ob, my gracious I And didn't I stop there oveL arf an hour, the baby-Bm. A baby!! One would think I'd been nussin' a torBm. pedo. What's the squeal? wtee /,;, R )'-ba u 0 1-vh Jos. You miserable little viper! Yon Spitz dog! (i::Jeizes him.) Say it ain't true-say it ain't true I Enter RusALIE d: ,Y.., BID. r say it is true tbere-(points to ROSALIE) why there -there she is. ,.... ( Tlte-gi1rkiurn, discover RosALUl and recoil.) hRosA. Pardon Jfe13demoi1H.:lles. (Sees BrnnLES.) c'est le JJetit Beedles BID. ma'am. RosA. There! you see she knows (u,j/ "RoSALIE ) Good day, Plus 1le doute, 111on mari est ici. (Speaks a"irlr 1cilli BrnnLES, they_ cross to the windoa.j J 05.. Oh;-6elia what business bas that woman in this ho use? rm afraid something awful is goiog to happen,

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.

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:32 Br..:_ There's Mudgeon at the door in a cab, with the baby He beckons to me. ( 'l'o Ros.\T.rn.) A.h I see what you mean I am to go down and take care of little Archie? N ussee Kid dee. RosA. Oui. Brn. All right, ma'am (/oinrt. ,() tf.); -Iv JW.Ml ,J Jos. Stof;f wlrnt did you say is the name of that lady's !nfant? Bm. Archie! n h 1 (B-cit Brnnills ) IJ l:. ,.n "M. ........... w. '/;;;, Oh! ( 7 hey < 'Qt;!. eth1<+ in consternation.) _;[_os. ( Her busines!'l here is plain enough now : she is going to face the bride and spoil the .A.h you wicked, wicked creature! f s' look bad. \ Jos. these French a-re so artful. RosA. Qit'esfce que c' est que weeket, weekct ? -!..L_ Go away-do-nobody will believe you. cti/ t a O/R h le G J..Rnter Mun. Thank Heaven! the house is empty-not a soul here except too .-servants. {IT I .._ I To JosEPHrNE and the restJ Leave us. Jos. Oh f Mr. Mudgeon, ain't it awful! _.un. Get out, I tell you and hold your tongues, if that is possibl ROSAL. Qu' Ps!-rl' q11' Plles 011t? (Exeunt OSEPHINE, Grlnr& and Ros_g,. llion Dieu cet annecm.. (Showing him the rng Persimmons gave him.) Comment cet anneau estil trmwe rf. votre do1'gt '! 7i'. Mun. {Wringing his hands in helpless despair. Talk English-do try. he can't. 'Yhat has come to her I cannot imagine Mr. Walter left .me with her while he was at the wedding. I irave the el1ild that ring to play with-the ring Mr Persimmons presented to me yesterday. No sooner did. the young mother set eyes upon it than she turned pale and had a fit. When Rhe recovered, all trembling and sobbing, she produC'ed from her desk another ring-the counterpart of mine. I

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33 c ould not under s tand a word of her French gabble. So, she started out to find some one here in this hou s e she calls Mary. oC Ros A Oui, mon mari /f Mun. The r e sh e g o e s a gain 'l'here' s no Mary here RoSA. G e t annPau j e l' ai requ d e ma Mun. What h a s a m are to do with it 7 That is my ring-ring! Com prenez? RosA. Ring-deux ring I Holds up two rings .) M u n 'rwo ringsRosA. Dis lt ma m e re. M D. She's on that mare again! RosA Dat autre -Mun That other. W e are getting on, now RosA. .App art e na it-was M u o W a s a partner-you mean it is just like it. So it is R o s A To mon p e r e course, two are a pair. RosA (asid e ). It est bon, ma i s e st-ii bete 1-o ?i.Ii.:;n. Poor thing! her education has be e n sadly neglected. They the girl a word of Englis h. -lo /e. R osA sePing writing_mate rials aJ tab0.}. Ah! voila Je m'en vais ecr i r e <: 7'/. (Sits and writes hastil L If I am found here with her, how shall I explain her away? What will the people think? I dare not tell the truth. What is she at now? To whom is she addressing that letter7 (Recids over her should e r.) Mr. Auldjo. ---RosA l.f::.oking up and pointing to th e nam e,) My mari. Mun. Your Mary Oh your husband. Ros. Oui husband I Mun. \\"hat sort of a country is it where a husband is ..:alled a Mar Tak:in7 the letter ) He sliall have it.

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. .. N OU kc;u,(_ doc -M.e

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84 Re-enter J OSEPHI N E /i?. It i s too l ate I there they are Is there no room in the house to which you can take her until I can have a word .with Mr. Walter? Ros. Ah, oui Walter. Gautier--J os. I can take her to mine. This way; come. f,TIB is dere 'f Mun. Yes, your Mary wee-bo/ All right; lock her in. Ab, enfin .J!!xit with .. ..ut=> Mun. Jfqw came P e rsi-mp 1o p5 b y t hgt ring ? H e sgid jt pr29 bim yrarp by 9 lovely crea tu re 1y b 9 nrlored bhn. En er .C_.J: PERS. So that is ,ov er I Fanny was all self -posse ssi on, and poor Archibald seemed to be cover e d with confusion and with blushes. Who woulq have thought that timid bridegroom was such a practiced Don Juan under the rose --=-Mr. Persimmons, you gave me a ring. that ring. She-s he is ring in her posses n, andDont faint I r ch ild

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PERS. Here I-I beard she di e d in giving birth to it, and I assure you. But why hy-aR you remark ha ha I Hush I E n t e r JOSEPHINE. ODGEON. ) ey. Go down take the c a b round the corner t the next street; leave the r est to me [Exit Mun GEON,jol w e d by JOSEPHINE PERS. at case, what h a ve I done this morning? I h e married Virginia, vv, ile that terrible French woman, to whom I was un ed in a mom ent o infatuation twenty years ago lives I live s to convict 1 e I that't:i wba she bas lived for Lived for twenty yea r s anonymous} watcbin with feline patience, biding her infernal time to pounc e upo m e a that time ha s come What can I do? The carriage i s waitin at e door to convey Virginia and me on our bridal tom ; our trun pa c ked upon it, and a file of servants and friend s stand on gu a elow to see us off. There is no escap e If I confes s at e ho ible truth, it will publish her shame, my crime, and break h faithfo heart! If I don't, she will become the victim of the situ ion Vuw. P ERS, (asid e ) pared with mine Vrno. .Are you ill? PERS. v<:ry--no-that is-not at all! VrnG. I now you are ill! my darling, what is the matte1 ? (Goes to embrac e h 11.) h e r ) Nothing. (Aside.) Noneof Forti-Give the devil an inch, and he will take an e You cannot deceive me. (aside. ) Can't n

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f&V' 0 ( l -

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Mns. TAn. I am gratified to pronounce the whole affair a perfect success, although Mr. Meek' s confusion disconcerted the gravity ot' the minister. "What were ) OU thi.aking of? Ancn. I was thinking, madam, that any man who was receiving the solemn assurance of your love, could Dot be making a fool of himself lo Mns. C'. T Archiba ld, you may kiss me for that. (llis.ses him.) ( asid<'.) I do declare, he is abll:! to take carP. of himself. :i\fTss SNIFF. Upon my word! the fashions of the period are Young girls kiss young men und e r their lrns band's noses. Gsnif!".) amazing. He, he. M ns ( T Perhaps, in your pe.riod, they kissed them when their husband's backs were turned Unr morals, like our dresses, are tight-fitting, and show the make-Mis s SNIFF. With. the help of padding, my dear, moral as well as physical. c. T. l\ly dear, Miss Sniff, will you allow me to take you down to breakfast? Mrss SNwF. Of course -thank you! I am expected to make myself useful. He, be. What am I do ? C T. 1\lix the salad. / J? ( tAO q; }liss SNIFF. Ile, be. Gsnif!s.) _) (_Mnsic outside.) Mus. TAR. John, will you take the foot of the table? Constant will propose the bride's health; Mr. Meck ll'ill..i;espond. .lJ. cC J; _,,,,. '/Jrr"/7 d y

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<> () ()

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ARcn. Ob, Lord l I forgot all about that. ; -lli'{T b. d 6...e 0-e.U ANNY: Say ycfu are speechless witli joy. PERS. Yes ; the sooner we are off the better, the train will start in an :o (f; ,( J\Ins. 0 T Constant and Tbave invited ourselves to join the party We are goingto have a hbneymoon on u.1) Ml!S. FANNY. Now, Archie, is the moment t o give the bri
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38 R ARcH. Yes; they will serve yon all out before-! am indeed l'l,FANNY, (aside to him.) Now, my love, they are waiting. ARCH. What for ? X hvr; h 0 FANNY. ARCH. _!'ANNY. ARCH. FANNY. You must put the 1ings on. Put them on? I Uertainly, and then you will give each of them a kiss. What kiss them all round ? They expect it. ARcH. Of course, if it is the right thing to do, but I was not pre pared. (Be stands r!lfJ..arding the.file o.f girlsJ FANNY, (lallglzing_JQ li&rse.lf..) Blees him, what a darling be is .A.ncrr., (approach nq first Cirl.l I-I beg your par6lon. (Placl'S a ring o;; lier finger and kisses lu:r.) ':1:1hfrnk -you. (Same business with 2
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( -

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39 EntP r wALTER. /J .C \\AL. My dear .Archie, I have received an answer from .Australia. ARCH. Have they cabled you the name? WAL. No, here is the message. j,gPads TP.1e gram.) portrait exists ticketed with name of sitter in Wilkins Photographer Shellbeachc N eO'ative of the of Samuel ARQH. Tbe very place to which we are going this afternoon. WALT. I have scarcely time to run home, pack my valise and reach the train .Ancrr. I congratulate you heartily. "\V ALT. I shall meet you all at the station Huzza, old chap Riess you, .Archie Tol-de-rol l,Pances and embrac es '.A.Rcarn.J Ila! ha Fol-de-rol la la la la! (Waltz e s ARCHIE around anl sings B ftil QQ, I y;iy QQfU't i18QQil itfl joy tbro11gh my l;i9gy il'I li!Yhl3leit; I/? ) Far I feel I "Bene get t0 t.Se eBEl. Qf m;r Q'9nl3ies I ..2J Ente r JosEPBINE. '7i?. d Jos. Please, sir, Miss Fanny mtol (WALTER sl!J!ping from .ARCHIE, catche s lw1 nnd waltzes h e1 round ancl sil]J]S. Oh, sir, please, Mr. Walter. WArn (singinq.) J nm sure tb?t old Y.iile QllQ seek fatliet' I'll a:gd tlm1 -;!;a lo-&x.. iv-t' tJ Ente r Sn .. \S and MRS. 'I.1.Rnox. tra I la la! _\1y dear : Mrs. Tarbox, a discovery of great importance, which I cannot explain, must excuse my effervescence (i,h Once, up-on bminess f Whnt brniine scan take you away? .,

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#aU, ;;.,-e /ff'? ,J >-re ,O r:'e/u[, eJ ah-h--6 Ce ,, _f_,. 4 /v-v ot.ecvt ,,1 / /;_e J. h.e/C -CL-. hr-o r. h...vc, -4:e-C'..ove/"C JA.c.-cr--e h,,/ ,_,au-<---_ JrJfa ., )Jar-,

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40 WAL. Private family affairs. I cannot say more at present. SILAS. What can the boy mean. WAL. I am in searc h of-to!, derol, l a, l a,-anothe r father. SILAS. Anoth-Yes, you see-(e m b rarinq h i 1!!J-you have been so c ru e l -tra, la, la,-I have so small a. share of your heart. SILAS. Walter, my boy WAL. You have been so ungenerous, c1enied-me so many thing.,;. Toi derol to! SILAS. Do you bear him ? '[4 t?OI'HBH my tt8U})t 8 i 88f3fJ@ttf ttuee 8st I lielp it. 'frs, ls, la, la.. (..iti.!:!...!::::zci:19:2_ yam best excusey C1;'1!1e, JR; s ;8'H ;+:::i:\tfu/(r@:: (Exit with AucurnALU.) SILAS. Ile said he was in search of another father. Another father! Can he have discovered the secret of his birth Oh, I must see Vir ginia at once. She must be warned of this impending danger. I ham noticed someth in g strange :md con strained in Walter's manner towards me of late. Here is the explanation. Ile has discovered my im-. pO!Sture ; he knews he is not my son}() d4 .L k Vrnaf,rnn. ./ --Madam, for mercy s sa e grant me a ew rtunutes. r-V IRG. Imposs ible. John is at the door. (She tak e s her shawl and hat. ) SILAS. The secret you confided to me, that has lain unknown for so many years, I fear has been discovered. VrnG .,,1,.0h 1 you betrayed me! SILAS. The s uspi cion, ma.dam, is an offence to the honor of the firm. lTxpc Ob, DQ\P' I lobg'w mapnQrS hz;trQ lHilQR Qi1.&RgeEi tie 81iQQ@Hly. Su,\s Yau P'8!tl'tie8 Htttt, 88 eis "" lf1pq -----------

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'7 alha.-1-'YL (]lu dhe. d h JJ7z Sha-U ::J oi-
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, ($. .z .l.. Enter PsJaiJJU'O>Ti' M11sh V1ee ,, ) 'I'bii ii: w:by J:ig avei8e Bl) ettveBB: Tb is is 1be secret ef Bis 119l8a9i1s. l?d3RB. C8me1 VWtginha ( T9 Su as, 2r1' n9in9 his band ) Good hye, 8i11111 01.i (xSegh.s.) 8t:tJ:1'8 :21988 J81l \}QtP I my o1-1->1t'..:!tP./. Y fUu.J A1h1 C T Ce1PQ5 rJadiag, tt'4;11t 888 j!llliii! ef wine 9t Vie wedding br00kf'2 "t; 0 a tgAst t.e t;Be 1'1i8e5 we &1'8 eii ( )'Qe iAl,.er MRs. C. T Constant, I don't think any of the couples will be more happy than w ,;.r C. T. e.-re/l..cre Mus. C. L._ Squeeze my hand [Exeunt. ,(). oC .)-, --$1 1 'S Blgws t\tgjy bappj r be2rts I I C? P 89 tbgw sot jytg t'W.e .!lnriase'il :Hem UtiB 1l"i11:8e". 11 erew8 is in the street 1 Enter .J-. Oh, de a r ob dear 1

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) I

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42 SrLAs. What is the matter? Mrs. Tarbox, sir, overheard something Biddies said to me and she has got him in the pantry, squeezing the truth out of him. What truth? A. About Mr. Archie's French lady. t.dCJ h / ? IJ/,, oC SILAS. Ob, Lor @ml (;(flpl@!t88 eleuRi sl;'ivs > Thay are at fae Sf1!eeltes. 'l'hitli 6ld htaJ' wiH bttrsli itt 6tt wita a Sf:leeea thRt wiJ! exp}gQQ like Q ttlPl36S9 liBSBl' the 1'9!Hi'l8Q 88llf!l81 \ Ente r MRs TARBox, dragging in ,0. #(} ./; Bm. Oh, please, ma'am, please don't l Mns L There is your master l now tell the truth l You say this French. lady came here to this hou s e 1 Brn. And &he ain't gone yet -8lre is locked in Josephine's room ; I seen her Celia the key to let her out, elia, conduct that lady here to my presence IA. Yes, ma'am. Shouts b e low Ecit 0ELIA Mns. 'l'. My dear, Mr. Auldjo, your hair will stand on end when you hear this boy's story. Brn. Ob, he knows all about it. Mns. T. A \\bat l he,/ ffeaut.rj'-c cdl SILAS. Gracious, ma'am l do consider the moment. 'V .Enter the crowd of BnrnESUAIDS, t.,SlmvA-NTs, MRs. DmxrEn, ,.,,eJ_I:!{; S. BEE, Miss SNIFFEs. The 1 run lo tlte window. j/:lzgtJ ALL. There they go There's Fanny (Ch e ers SILAS. Recollect he is your son.in-law now. Mus. T. Did be recollect that yesterd'ay ? And"'you knew of his turpitude; you knew it. Answer, has this boy lied? SILAS No; he bas told the truth. t v ALL. 'lhere's Virginia N U'lt011ls.))l/And they are cheering the brides. Good bye, Fanny. 'l'he!J throw boquels and flowers out of tha. I i11cloll', '/l'(/VJJ llieir /l((' Mikt:n:llie,l

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tJ /JUW /v /Jr!? Jdcd

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43 Enter G.ii:.u.A. a11d Ros.-1.Lrn R c:il"ifRs.1iT .Are you a ware ma'am, that your preRence here is to my house. Whom did you come to see? 0.RosA. Mon mari. an insult MRs. T. Your husband! L cLa...re 1-o ca,-U .1-
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_'lffefi.Ejru1n i!Jl u tll'r e nt eri; frurn lite villa. /?. Jos. That is not our lnggage we have received ours, excepting one box. Ah, there it is I a bon111!1 /)(J.c_jJ_'Olll tl11' ;111r/1' .i, the rest belongs to Mro. Persimmons, the fady who and bedroom number 16, in the hotel yonder. (E.til porlf'r: ,.Cf'/.,'/11'..Ji1!.J!!J!:li..... him, speakill!J,j Please tell the lady that Miss Fanny-I rncan Mrs. Meek-is dressing and will he pleased to see her here. (H!'/11 r11s.) What a sweet turtle-dove cot, and how good of Mr. l\Ieek to have sent aforehand to secure it.jdOh, dear. This is just the kind bower I should like to be took to by the yonng man of my 'art. ('f'rrkes nut l11tl a11rl b e gins to rt1'i'rtlljj e ill Miss Fa.nny don't consider what my sentiments will be a standing by and watching their billing and cooing. R11/e1 TIFFE. u 6.1(;, I shall feel like a super in a play or a chorus singer in the hopera; wh\le the principals, in the foreground, are having it all.\.to. I, in ''le background, look ou and encourage the scene, 'How-he ioves her-bow-she-loves-him-Oh, yes-her, him-she, he-they love, oh, how-they love!" Ain't it aggrava "ng? aiii't it--C. T. Too nmch for hm11an nature. 11i.sses her. ) Tiffc what are you a doing of? C. T. I am taking a part in the chorus! Jos. The bass part? Josephine, you are an angel. "The loveliest in heaven's sphere is missing there when you are here.''

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' ---b (bciid. '}' #oikfi.

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46 JoR. On pounds a year, and every Sunday out! 0. T. I have something here (tonch e s his breast) to confide to you. Can you keep a Dl Jos No, sir. There is only one thing I can keep-C. T. What is that? -. Jos. My xcuse my plain speaking, Mr. Tiffe; you have a lad y that makes very little of herself by making too much of you. Her love leads her to believe that every girl y ou look at is took with her c omplaint, so she encour a ges you to try if her foolscap won't fit all our s e x Then, it is my wife's fault, if she puts such thoughts in my head. If th ere was not plenty of room there, sir, her faults would not be yom oxcuse. J.. Ah! that is a #?nch I You owe me a kiss for that! I must i;-(as in /'.iJ]!Lses th e bonneJ. fl.o.y_ lo J!,'J1tc r MRs. ONS'.rAN' l lliFE)-I positively-(lie takes 01tt th e hat mut continne:s)-I positivel y did see this very same hat at Ma
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47 Mns. C. T. Only for one minute I indeed, indeed, the thought was but a spasm, a flash that blinded me ; but let my confession absolve me -say you forgive me-you are not angry. C. T. I feel hurt, Sophia, not angry. MR'3. C. T. I own I did you wrong. C. T. Because you did yourself injustiioe when you suspected me of preferring such a-person, as a-a waiting maid to the most bewitch ing of wives-you depreciate my treasurer 16.-.d;... ) R S C. T. I am not a treasure I-I am unworthy to possess you exclusively. Of course I k.now every woman envies me. Yon can't help that! r often wish that you were deformed-disfigured-a. T. Ohl Mns. C. T. I would be glad if you were over Flixty years of age and bald as a sixpence-C. T. Oh, oh! Mns. C. T. AnytJ1ing to protect you from invasion by my abomin able sex. C. T. Poor things you are to hard on them. MRs. 0. T. I stood up for women before I was married, but now r know bettel' I I would not truf't one of them where you are concerned, and you cannot pretend I am wrong. C T. Well, when you say that no girl can resist me -MRS C T. If you gave her encouragement-Oh, that is another question. Mns. C. T. You know they are too wiUW.g to mistake C'<>urtesy fpr devotion. C T. t,\ s a rule, it may be true Yes, I am (some people are) fatally afflicted with attraction. Mns. C. 'I'. Euh I (/:Jif;lts.) C. T. Like magoots we cannot help onr inviting natures! But still there are some women few I -who are not susceptible to in fluence-Mns C. T. I should like yen to name one!

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H"....e Sh.A.a In. fdt.e J HLe lAAl-ed h-k 7 (g (/)A, k,_et,/ >Jr":"' y y-v--u h c;.c..c.Ao( J.,, .J.-o c.4 tpu <; ./

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48 C. T. Well, your sister Fanny-:-MRs. C. T Ho! ho! Do you think she could have had Enter .Aucrrrn. C. T. Hush! here he fa l (To .ARcmi::. ) Where have you b ee n ? .ARCH. I have been-taking a walk. MRS. C. T. .All alone ? .ARCH. Yes-But where is your wife ? .ARCH. I think she is in her room, and I was waiting until she got a little settled. I did not like to intrude. MRS. c. T. Intrude! r .ARCH, Would you mind t-0 her and sayingMRS. C. T. I think your presence be 'more welcome. l C. T. We are going for a stroll in the t;!> 6 ARCH. Delighiful I-wait. J_ Uoiny lwuse) We can go with you. MRs. C. T., asicte:..._J do believe he is afraid of finding himself alone with }ler. ARCH. I know she would like it C. T. I don't think she would. (T!tey notl at Archie and smile. MRS. c. T. You must so many.things to say to other. lo,(; Nothing whatever, I assure you. ) M1is. C. T., W< llte.11 yo out. Constant l I am the happiest woman in the world. C. T. Angell "The loveliest in Heavoo.'s Sphere is when you are here." misaing there MRS C. T. Darling, squeeze my hand 6P-He<.r e E:ccuni A::Nlf. I wonder if all men on their wedding day feel as I do. My happiness l1a:c; reached a dizzy h eight where I canuot breathe-and a

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49 r.> (a .tiJ1 ff/ deli c ious fc:tr appa'.s me when I contemplate rny fortune I She is mine, There is no doubt u o w. .'rheu why am I l!rnubled? l am so used to the pleasure of hope and t-0 caress a future, that I U'emblc to find my hopes turned into realities. and I dare not embrace the present. .As we came down h e re I could s peak to my bride-a foolish sob stuck i n m y throat and when w e arrived s tole it way to the woods and had it out like a baby. I hope no one will suspect me of suc h weakn ess. 't>ffe<-f< le. (Ente1 FAN. r. ,\fie creeps heh ind !ti111 and places h e r lwnd1> over his C1/e8.) F4k Truant, are you deserting me already? Why what .. (look!> a!.._!ter ltands) Tears. oh! (/HteJalls kneeling beside 7i im,_ and looks 11 ry in his downcast.face. .Archie, you hav e been suffering-your eyes are quiet red! What has happened? Nothingdo not ask me! FAN. Why should I! for if I knew, I would not know how to console you. I have never had a trouble in my life, except a tight shoe: nor a care that lasted longer than a cotillion. Somehow I seem to walk always on the sunny side of the way. ARcu. Because you made your own sun shine wherever you trod .. l<'AN. I hope you do not think t,bat if' all I am good for. L i fa is not all child's play aDfl I want to feel I am not a doll. I want to suffer 3omething for your sake-to make a sacrifice-I want to deserve my happiness by earning it. !'J> ARCH. My darling, I hope you are not a heroine f./) ,, FAN. Sometimes I feel wicked enough for anything! Archie, you remember Jack Wilder, he was the most thoughtless, brightest, giddiest good-for-nothing fe llow in our sot-just like me! Well, one day :t dis-honest agent brought ruin OD him, and h i s mother anu.' sisters; t h e proud-est family in the city, were beggared. The good-for -nothing fellow took off his coat at once and S{)t t work. He never lost h i s good humor, but w ent in for business with the same happy spiri t that he used to go in for mischief. Fortune admired him as I did, and followed at his heel. His family are now more proud of the thousands he has won, than they we r e of the million they lost. .Archie, my heart looks up to that man. If Jack is a hero-I am afraid I am another, for I feeJ,.-(risin.r;) I think I :im made of the same stuff.

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50 ARCH. So do I-and as .my heart looks up to you, it says you are the more manly of the two. FAN. If you speak slightingly of my husband, we shall quarrel. /;trft..aj'C Ente1 .J osEParnf." 'CJ bittle? ctncl two waitJ C Jos. If you please, I mean-at what hour will please to dine ? ,AV' FAN., asicle to Arrli. I never thought of that-did you? .A.re you hungry? ARCH. No -hunger is the last thing that would occur to me. FAN. I suppose we must dine! They expect it! But it will be a nuisance! Jos. Will you order the dinner, ma' am? FAN., aside. Oh dear I what an awful responsibility 1-I never did such a thing. Here's one of the troubles I pleaded for. (Aloud.) .A.hem, Mr. Meek-what shall it be? : .A.nca. Please yourself, my dear. Order something light. FAN. Let us have-strawberries-and-a--some fresh cream-and -some-shrimps-with watercress-and some rice croquettes, flavored with lemori I know you like that, Mr. Meek-arid-oh! I forgot-a -potato salad (looks at A?rl!ie. No, onious, please. J os. The butler wishes to know what you will drink. FAJ.'<. We shall-take-ahem-tea-black tea. :Mr. Meek likes strong. That will do. Rril Butler ancl Waiters. There! I think for a first attempt I got through that pretty well.-I will be a seaside kin d of dinner-nice imd picknicky .A.nca. Fanny, I thought those servants smiled significantly. I-I hope the people here do not know we were married this morning. FAN. I tried to look as married as I could. J osephine-1 hope they do not suspect us Jos. Oh no, mean-ma'am. J(s h c, ARcrr: Because we don't want to o-> be stared at-or mistaken for lovers. Say we :i.re old married folks

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51 ;p J ...J:illL_Very good, SH' I J#.[,x, J F AN. Jose phine, give me my parasof. What shall we do until dinner time ? AnrH. Wha t would you like FAN. No-I want you to c hoose. Ancrr. I a sk e d you first. FAN. No I you didn'tnow don t be disagrea ble I I insist on doing what you like. I ordered the dinner. It's your turn now. ,foSEPH1N1" h cmdS h e r Ct /i. Ancrr. Is there room for me under your parasol? X'J .FAN. Come I (8/ir loo ks rt! whn lu a 1 Nty.) What a good girl she is I lie p hue.s his arm ro1tnd h a a s the y go out. ARC H There is no one in the wood I I you feel b etter n o w ? ARCH. Y e s I F::re u nf. / ,Jor:.'! 1f the y desire to pass for old married folks, they must change hat style o f pl a yin g their parts. st face and you will help me. Jos That I will, sir. SILAH Go to the l10tel and bring Mrs. Persimmons here. I must see her privately. Here she comes. fllrl"-.J'B chancel
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52 The firm never passecl through s u ch a cris i s I (E11IN l\'!Rs. My dear lady, I have followed you. I engaged an express train-never spent twenty pounds so recklessly in all my life-but suspense was killing me If I had not come I should have slept to -night in a lunatic asylum. Have you confess e d the trutl1 to your hnsbaud? V IR. Not yet. SrLAs. You must do so. had not the courage. SILAS. My dear friend, we ha vc led a life of iwposture and wc must suffe1jhe penalty. Yon may lose a husuand. I s h all inevitably lose a sonf. My heart may break, but I will not cheat his any long er. He says he has made a discovery. Well, whatever it may be, I will meet it by an avowal. Vrn. You will tell him that I am l1is mother SILAS. No, that is your secret. I may not betray it, but I can confess that--I am not--his father ; that I am a-a frAnd; have swindled him through life ; made fools of his affections, and have played the part ofof a-I beg your pardon. ( 'J'nms up t/w :stage to hide his tecirs. Vrn. Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? SILAS. Do justice to yourself. You promised me to make a clean breast of it to your husband before your marriage. VIR. I tried, but I could not inde ed I did I See, :here is a full confession (JH'oduces ct tette1'), written a week ago, but I could not give it to John, his Taith in me was so infinit e. SILAS. I wish I could take all tbe blame and sorrow on rdyself. Vrn. Will you take this letter to him, you can plead for me ? SILAS. What have you urged in your vwn defense? Vrn. Nothing. Except that, being without excuse, I am defenseless. 1 'ht s <(';_ 1eads letter. "My dear John.-! have deceived you, and will not accept your faithful heart under false pretences. Many years ago, while on a visit in America, I was married. My husband left me a widow after six months of misery, and whe n I found my folly was in England, shame fo1 my inconstancy induced me to conceal

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the fat.I r es ulb" (Hh e means W u.lter.) "I ('Onfided my sec r e t to our o l dest friend, :-)ihs Auldjo_, who, out of pity, consented to pass my child f or his own." (It was the first babe 1 eve r held in m y a1ms, and when its little fingers closed round mine I felt my heart open and enfold that r osy life. It i s theie now -it is there now I) (Reacls.) "He married his to make a h ome for my bo (Of course, to provide him with a mother, and she, pour sou l, was the only woman I I could safe l y trust with the business. f-lhc kept thP, secre\ took it with her to heaven, good soulh onest woman and faithful-God bless her!) (Read s .) "I never knew how much I loved you until I tried to love another, but I will not attempt to excuse the falsehood which gives you the right to disbelieve me.::_ This is a pleasant notice to serve a man with on his wedding day __ Vm., sobbin[t I-I thought, perhaps, the mom en t might-might soften his heart and-SILAS. And coat the pill w:ith the sugar of love. /.o /i. 6 Enter W AL'.l'ER, ffitlfiWW. by porter P1iJl!. pa t.manie.1J u. ,(: WAL. My father SILAS, aside There's the fatal result I Wn. Letwe yon!Jer (Points to cottage.) '!'he porter places va/i::;e under portico awl exi t s IC q,, (Asitle.J fias h e discovered my marriage? SILAS. Walter j cirrumst:mces must b e brought to light that I fear may change our relations. w AL.l aside. So I 'tis coming now I SILAS. A great fraud has been committeJ-. h w AL. yes, sirI of the f a lse position in which I stand and how you are compromised. SILAR. I allude to the secret marriage-WAL. Of course-SILAS. And the child--WAL. I understand-Vrn. He knows all I

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54 I __. WAL, Of course I do I k r_drf'J-f ,.Ym., overcome. And you forgive me? Yes? Oh I dear-dear boy how often I have longed to t a ke you to my heart and confess my love -my darling Walter! At last I can h old you in my arms. (f;dnct./' lduo _WAL. Stop I There must be some mistake. SIL.!;_ Ehr I hope so-if there could be. (Aside.) If after all he could be my son-somehow -by mi s t a ke. h There can be none 1-W alter, I am your mother I WAL. Uy mo ther! What I (lon"f.s of 8i0.:.J. Is this true? Alas it is too true I n ( percea'an'a1g fk e ornw 1 'ea s Nol Qh, :i;i.ol :r;i,ol gi:agiot1sl ao, I'm11iei '1011.'tim1igi&11 me 9A.fH1llle ef oft dca1 WAL. The n will you explain, R I thought you knew all about it I I-I-this case is so foreign l'to the legitimate business of the firm-that I get confused in it-and I A: don't know whether I Jlimjor plaintiff or defendant. W lb --,UJ-:, AL. But, sir, you are my father I ILAS. That is it. -It may be when you learn what I am, you -you may cease to regard me -that is to-to love me as of old. WAL. Yon are the best, gentlest, and truest of men. SILAS. But I I am notI am a lie-I am a hypocrite I-My whole life has been one fraud. WAL. I ww1lcl not he1n your enemy say sg f you jest. S1LAS, to Vfr,qinia. Tell him the wliole truth, I cannot. VIR. Come with me-Walter. (She takes him ctparl.) SILAS. Go go with her I ( Watching thern; aparbJ. Now he must learn that he bestowed his affections on an imposterW ATJL'RR and MRs. PERSIMMONS..!fO oj[.Jeaki11g. .h IS. lf-if--I could tell by his faee -what he feels-of course, his love will J'now go from me-to her-'tis natural. .\.Iy eyes are too full of tears to '-"'"" see them. I I must restore to her his affections, the-the goods I ob-lt-Jl-UX)

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\ There h e i s I d a re not look at him I have n o t a word to say for mys e lf. .. never k1;1ew you until h, l(l1 Sn.As. Oh de ar! 'tis c omin g \ WAL. When I think o f my past-bow can I look, you iu the face after all I h a v e h eard. 1 SILAS. F.or g i ve me i'.r WAL. Father I SILAS. No--d on't reproach m e with tha t nam e-'-forget it, if you can. Y ou h a v e taught my heart the word and every pulse will rebel when I a t tempt t o rall y ou uy any other. SrLA S Aud you-you don't love me less ?-now you know all ? I love you a thous and times more You ask me to forget the n a me you t a u ght m e to lisp -whe n I had uo claim upon your affection, no title to your heart. Y e t, you watched with a mother's tenderness over my c hildhood. What? for ge t th e boy lying sick in his little cotand two old men disputing in whispers lovingl y over him which should sit up all ni ght b e sid e the suff erer? Fmgct the faces that beamed with pride o n th e wanton 8ch o olbo s ? Forget my youth-my manhood-my happy home? May Heaven forget me, when I do ( S I L AS, Don't I-don't !-no !-no I Oh 1-I-wis,h Mudgeon was h ere. I do feel as if I were cheating bim of his share. WAL. Don't tremble so-dear father! SILAS. I-I can't help it. WAL. Alas! these are not the first tears I have made you shed! 01' iv i pes !Ite m a1M!f with S?'ltts' SILAS. .Hut always like these-grateful, happy ones I Other peopeople-laugh for joy-it is diff-fif-ferent with me. I-I (he falls rm W a lt e r' s 11p 1 k ) l\l y boy I -LEnte r MunamN.) d' &/. M uo Mr. Walter.

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1.,,, 6;. 56 c)-' v SILAS r y consicnce is relieved Our boy knows all about himself. The weight of years i s off my mincl an
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Mun A lady named Laborde. PERS. A Laborde! Are you mad Hoo-she is dead. She lives sir. t::lhe has the twin ring in her possession and-for mercy sake, sir, what is the matter? Don't faint. PERS, I-I won't if I can help it. You are sure of what you say? Mun. She is come to England with her child. PERS, I-I heard she died in giving birth to it and both mother and info.nt-Are flourishing, I assure you but why should this news affec t you I <:f'!tc._ r;mrhkall!! lo !.@i_ drtrk as eueninq c71rt!!f1..es lo n.i:JL.lttJ PERS. Very true, as you remark, excuse me. -Mun., aside. What cu.n he know of our Rosalie? (..:llo11d.) Can I get you anything ? PERS. Yes, get out, leave me. (!}xit MunGEoNJ { ,,U.Mf. Laborde -Rosalie Laborde aliv.:i?'alive But in that case, what l1ave done this mol'lliug? I hwc married Virginia, while that terrible French woman, to whom I was nniteil in a moment of infatuation, twenty years ago-lives-LivcH to <'onvict me. Th'.1t is what she has been living for. Living anonymously for tweuty years, under false pretences, watC'hing with folinr paticme, liidin:r her time to pounce upon me and that time come. Wh,tt can l s with tlii11 faleshood in 7'1y heart. PERS. rtxi1/r'. My wite. that is-I beg her pardon-I mean my innocent victim. What shall I do if Rhc iR affectiomtt<>. Vrn ,John, dC'ar cle,J P1ms., osi1fr. Oh, your lorment:; were refreshing comp:tred to mine. I

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58 V JJh_ The shades of night seem to invite us to e x change our mutual confidences, do tl1ey PE1'!.'l. ciside. No, they don't I (Aloud.) T h ey a r e rather damp, my dear. Suppose we return to the h o ttl Vrn John, dearest John!_ I aside. This is what I fear. Vrn. My darling, yon know how devotedly, how truly I love you E111br(l('i11JL hi 1 !1J__ PEns. Certainly. The conviction is harrowiug. I mean s o me body may see us. .J ) A N one of that I Fortitude has its limits. Give the devil an inch he will take an ell. is the m11tter, you seem to shrink fro m m e (Aside.) Surely, Silas has not spoken to him. <.:_!loud.) Youy o u have not received any-auy bad news? Nothing has t o c r oss you? .tlv lle>;rH be cft PERS. That is it! Yes, something has happened-something terrible. Vm. Oh! PEns. Virginia, if events of vital importance ob l iged me-to-toVm. To do what? PERS. 'fo return to town at once-to-nightVm. Yes, I undentand--PERS. Yon would not blame me? .A. AuG ( C h, "'/ a-rv,'Jr J No I l 11honld go with you I Jua,/, v< luJ Jo .. e11/1rs nw111 i11 1otlrt(Je1i' h l!unp.o.. .iYi!!_ld.2 -(I!J11lrr /111/11 11wl s1!1.'1-ri1ith dfomr, whirl! they serNJ in col!ag_e. P1mr.;..;_!!si1/1'. No eRcapc in that direct" on I V1H. Dinner served in our room I 11sitl1. 1 will not be left in her society without a w i tne ss. (A /011!1.:J l invited Mr. Auldjo to join us. Vm. Dear old Siltts I I regard him as one of the fami l y. PER<>., 11sitl1'. I will confi
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59 I leave after so S ilas w ill V11t ....... explain my absence 414 ,. ltxe1111 t. iC Cf/;J J "- That will du I cau ;.in.g. m i stress. JG> E.reunl lmllf'I' a11d servants.. (_Lookin!J 011/j_ I hope they have not forgotten all about it. No-her e they come. (Rhe rf'-enters cotlof!_I', and yrese11f1y reapziears in room,.. aboze 11ilh lir;fitg. ,(,,'he dmus 1 rlai11s.j 1.. Enfrr AR('HIJ<: ((nd FANNY f? '* tl:1 ."! t!lJ t!l8il :M '1 X' 1-e ,7,...c.e r" n111111 tHf. FAN. 'J What a soft air whispers in the foliage I I wonder i f t rees go to AmH. You enjoyed the walk to-night? Ho much I I could prolong it till daylight. nder /he tree. aC It is Jovel f like a dream!-{ cannot quite believe in m; own happi ness. I feel like somebody el c and fear to awake and discover my delm;ion How do you feel? ARcll. l f'cei as if I ought to sa,r all those things to you. occur to me after j ou h ... ve :;aid them But they ....E_A:-;. Because your heart is mine, and I translate its feelings to lu:.i:fDo I hurt 1 our arm? /. "e /1Jad '-'' c s he Al. .tlu: U 1-P u;, / u .d.mm. No I oh no! Ar<> you FA:\. \cry! Go on-yoLl were repeating some beautiful lines-by whom we1e they written? AR<'H. Byron. FAN. Mamma would not allow me to read Byron. S h e sai d it was not proper for yonng la.dies-and I wonclereil how she knew that-she must have read him some time or other. AncH. After she was a married woman-cfoar. FAN. Then a married woman can !lo improper things with im punity Annr. X 01 111. 1larli11g. Onl.1-a understand-is o bli ged

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elza-u5 e m-e _t:J. ; 4 ............ .lloAf. --

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60 1:10-that is-she should IJe
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&Jreccde. ACT IV. S C E N E :-The same as last act llforning. Breakfast table iaid 1mrler thf irl'f'li R U. t C v Enter MRs. T.mBox and Mrns SNIFFE in trnvelinq dress and carryinq IJll dJ04 i J h .::.:a.:.:n.::.:cl....:1:.::.v:..:ra:J:.::.s;_. >'.db._ MRs'. TAn 1 (l'ery faint.) Are you sure this is the place? Miss SN., Yonder is the hotel. I have sent a servant with my card to Mr. Tiffe. Compo se yourself, dear friend. MRS. TAR. ) Was ever a mother placed in such a p0sition 7 I have spent a night of torture. How I have lived through it is a mira cle Are there any more of those drops I must have some support. Miss RN. My dear soul, I fear to administer more. The apothecary made them up too strong. (8he takes a lrmtc ph i((l 1J:_om lm satchel. Mrs. 'f'arbo:c it from. Im mul rlrinks.) Do be careful; you may do yourself a mischief. 'Vhat matters mischief now, since I come too late to save my lamb 7 Too late, too late I E11f1 r T1FFE, with n er!)'(/. IJC.1'. G 'IIFFE. My Mother-in-law I IC. t'e MRs r. My child-where is she? My victim child I Tn<'FE. Sophia? I left her in her room. MRs. 'r. Sophia No ; J mean Fanny-Fanny I TIFFE. Sophia alwnys poses as a victim, so I presumed you alluded to her. I have not. seen Fnnny or Archie this morning. Mns. T. Oh, oh! TIFFI:. What lrns happened? ..

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62 Happened' L>ok at me! Ruin and disgrace --MRS. T. -G..M:rss SN. Now, my dear, you must not expose the affair in this violent manner. MRs T. Oh, oh I Mr s s SN. She has been in this hysterical state all night. MRs T. If it had not been for -for-you-(sobbing)--what should I h ave done? It gratifies the tender part of my nature to nurse the sorrows of my fri e nds. _c:e, C T. What sorrows? Mus. T. Tell him; I cannot. Mrs e SN. Mr. Meek is a monster! Blue Beard is an angel beside him! .A. French woman, who declares herself to be his wife, arrived lately from abroad, She has been living at his rooms with her infant. C. T. His wife! Oh I cannot believe it. Who dares to accuse him? MRs. T. The woman hers elf. Mr .A.uldjo does not deny it. C T. /ti must be s ome mistake Oh I Stay I A for eign lady arrived here las t night-and there was an infant with her. It could not b e -X. 'f h k. The same-the same. Was she not dressed in grey a.nd cherry colors ? Yes, that is the description; yet I cannot realize it I It is too awful. ..('.Mrss SN. I am glad I never trusted myself to one of your sex. (8njjjjj It might have happened to me! C._'t But how-when did you discover all this? Mmi. T. Yesterday afternoon just after the wedding I C. 'l'. The n why did you not hasten down here after them at once by th e fir s t train t MRH ':(. I did The first train l ef t the s tation in town at seven o clo c k last nig ht. In our agitation we entere d the wrong carriage.

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63 We never discovered the mistake. !\..n extra dose of anodyne drops sent me to sleep-Worn out with sympathy, I joined her. In that oblivious condition we passed the junction for Shell Heacb-MRs. T. .And awoke to find ourselves in Exeter-Miss SN. At two in the morning. We bad taken the Southern express. 0. you spent the rest of the night m coming back MRs. T Too late. C, L You say that Mr. Auldjo confirmed the claim of this lady. What did he say? MRs. r. When I faced him with the evidence he acknowledged I had learued the truth-and actually suggested we should make tlrn best of it I C. T. I can scarcely believe Meek capable of so dastardly an outI Mrs. Tarbox, you must leave this matter to me-you will take h.,pr back to town-and as Mr. Persimmons and I are the only male r of the family, we will take Mr Meek in hand. GJ to f hotel-keep quiet-don't show yourself-go to "' MRS. T. Rest I shall I ever rest again? ( Ooi{fJ) r MRs. SN.
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64 Jos My mi stress will hea r all you say-sh e is up s tairs ..2:..1'.:. Hush! Erde?s the room Enter MRs. CoNSTANT T1FFE ; s 1e h as in her hand the apron oclcefrd in ser1QJ.1iLJJ&.t. MRs. C. T. I found this i n hi s po cketI always search his pockets in hope of discovering so m ethi n g. But h e i s s o artful-I n ever pounced o n anything until no w An a pron 1-a woman's a pron--in his pockettb a t is pretty stro ng-tha t brings it hom e I Oh! the firm satisfaction of convic tin g him I This pays for all I h a ve suffered And to think, that l ast ni ght, while we r eposed in the mo o nli ght under the v erandah, and he _poure d poetry i n m y e a r he was sitting on that I (Examines the rr,p1 on .) I t is s uc h as a l a dy's m aid would wear. Ohl he is not above it.-Whut's h e re?-a n a m e ye8-(R e ads. -''Josephine Biggs''-my siste r s maid I I cau ght th e m to gether yesterday-and-ha I ha I I apolo gized for my suspi c ion -ho! ho I -be-he actually made me think -oh I fool I fool I to mi strust m y woman's instinct. Hush I-why, I hear his voice-h e i s in -and-and look s i nto cottage she is with C T., (Pntering.) Yon are a g ood girl-and i f y ou ever leave the Meeks m y wi e will give yo u a place. MRS. C. T (r1sir/P. ) Yes a w arm on e C T T he r e is a sovere igll t o buy yourself ai.iother apronI owe y ou o ne. J o s Thank you, sir. (Takes mongy rtnd disappea1s.) C T., (enteri ntf.J I did not g e t what I em::pected from her. MBs. C. T (aside.:) .And you will get what you expect from me C T Now to-(tnrns). Ah I angel I What brought you abroad s o early 1 MRs. C. T. I w ante d to know-wha under his nose ) C T. aside T h e d evil I Aloud.) ide a is thj\,t t e apron .MJ\ dear, I no MRs C T. I have I Look again, D on't you recognize it 7

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It looks like an ante macassar. MRR. C. T. It is a woman's dpron. C. T. W .hat? Really On e of those things that -I did not know you wore them. MRs. C. 1' Do yon know where I found it 7 C. T. How E!hould I ? MRs. C. T. I fonml it iu your pocket-thc tail pocket of the coat you wore at th e weddin g yesterday. CL_ In my pocket How rnme it there ? C T. Precisely! That is what I want to know. C. T. One of my h a ndkerchiefs must have been changed at the wash -and that thing s ent back by mistake-and-a-in the hurry of dressing yesterday-Idid not perceive-a-what I took from my drnwer and so-don't yon see --1\bs. 'I'. <2:_ Yes -perfectly-I 1 ee th e lie written in largehand across your i11<'e. I see th:tt yott are a false villain-and I see that I have been-a confiding fool. ,,/ ,A "' C. T Mrs Tiffe, that is me to indulge in the delusion that I have married a lady? You have descended to the meanness of searching my pockets. I knew you were capable of it, and you have found exactly what I feared you wonld discover. MRs. T. C. You confess it, C. T. Moderate your tone-I beg. Yes, madame, I confess I had so little faith in your repentence-I placed Eo little trust in your assurance of regret for your past conduct--that I resolved to try if your protesta tions were sincere. I put that apron where yon found it-I baited my coat tail with that foma.le appennage-and you have fallen into the snare. Good morning. Er it. .[_ -MRs C. T. His brazen assurance takes my breath away: Now, this is the enu of everything! I'll have no more of it! I ha\'e been weak -but nowI am again will I enter the same room with him-never under the same roof-never breathe the same air-

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66 never-nev-Oh! oh I (..{)'ies as she qoes, out-is !J..Qing_ to wi1rn lier e!J.J' uith l!J.!. !.f llt r e 1ol/.<,_[1111 it-le11rs ii i11/rt Jit ps ((1ld slam s u on it.J_ Oh eh oh I I l!Jnler PERSIMMONS. 4--1 'o P.l!.R. I am the victim of irresistable circumstances I Virginia suspects that eomething is weighing on my spirits. Her mihiner towards me bas been so melancholy-so devoted. Once last night Silas led the convereation vaguely to deal with the question gnawii;g at my heart He contended that married people have no claim on the past lives of each other before wedding I dared not trust myself to spea k Vir ginia perceived my emqj.iJn Sharing my pain, sensitive SOfl she threw herself on my breast and burst into tears. Had she kn'9WD the truth that lay here quaking in my heart w:ithin .. o\ hers\ (!Ir 11iJ.!.!:.:!. a1NI!/ 11 lect!J_ Fidelity. your name Oh() Virginia, will yon forgive me when you realize your I Vm. John! fill/ fl'I" VIRGINIA. '1IC .( n., a itli:.._ It is too late now to indulge in remorse I squander my ill -g otten profit11 of crime while they last. Let me (.11(!1((/.) Virginia! 1-1 never saw you looking mor" charming. ( Nmlmtl'es hPrJ Vm. I feared you might repent onr marriage already. l'E1t. I
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_p !Jo,/ h 1:.i>Jo-d e,vCJI(,

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67 me to call You aunt, you wait ten to fit yourself for the titl e. Pim. 4'cc11:::'.!:!L My dear child-I wish I could make your honeymoon to remain alwa)S full and beaming. FAN. We ordered the breakfast to be spread under the trees-I thought it would be so lovely to sit with the birds twittering all round 1z,u,)rie us-and the speckled light ernbroiderin1r our C"loth with 'gold. uf cf,u#"u IC PER. Ahl you were always happy. PV(,' FAN. Never, until now l like and live here forever. Archie says be will buy this coitage if I Ohl here com'\\s the bi:eakfast--/i)u/er SEtWANTS with 1111rt JosEPm:-.i-: fio111 ro//({!)e.A?.
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68 I am un a ble to def'end I ca nnot allow your imspi c ion t o a ssail that latly s honor. I g ive you min e that ;h/ is entitled to your respect. P ER. A gentleman could ilay no le:;s '>' U/J ARCH. And I have pledged my word to say D< m o re. "' /i>. /fre111l-r Vrn (xiii/ 111 1 1111!Ji11[/ t 1!flo111r.) That is not my hair you are kiesin.g. It i R a switch. Here, t is mine. (lloixrs /. r fi1 /f / l' r llJ !t1 r /mff/. /fr kiss(' jj_J_ How diffe nt that feelR Vrn. Ah!! Cl'hrnws atl'lll/ lhl' 1'0M'. ) PER. What is the matter' Vu. There-;-was-a worm in it! _PER., (a8ide.) Like me! E'AN. Come, the breakfast is waiting now ; I feel ravenous ( Tluy sit. J OSEPIIINE wa if.<;_J Anett. This is lovely I feel full of sunshine. Jos. !Jo VrnGINIA. l Tea or coffee, ma'am? ye-er dvn-u h, /e. cJj rff..f PEns. Ul'Ntki112 r111 1!1!.1J Fresh. d e licate and fragrant. I always thougbt a sheep's lreart on a skewer wai:; n poor emblem of love. Here is one more suggestive A new laid egg! It is in form an
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Vrn FAN. TH'Jo'E. Fanny? Mrs. Tarbox l Mam m a! h o w p a l e you lo o k .\lrs P c r s immo11s, will yo u be kind enoug h to r etire with O u r l.nu ; in ess will not ad m i t of di sc u ss i o n in y0ur pres ence. ( o sidl'. ) Tl1e av alan c h e a b o u t to fall. Vrn ., (a-'ir/1 '.) They a r e g oin g t o oivnlge-my s e c r et. Pim I think, m y ar y o u had better wit hclmw FAN. M amu rn 1rha t i s a ll thi:> alion t T Unhapp y ehil and e i ght-buttorkJ'l"'1l'll\SiH e was -T1rn.. RoRnli c Lal111rd e y<':<, sir! \Y <' ha V<' i nfor111atio11 o f all tlia1 ha s oc cune d l1ow this lacly arri vc
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70 Mrs;, H. Does it occur to anyone that ther e i s a n unmarrie d girl present. (811iJW. Mas. 'l'. My
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71 M r ss How indelicate T1v1,1:. Your word! Is that all? Auc11.f,l;;..j\'ttn m11lerntaud 11ow little faith !/Oii phce in Sl'leh a p l edge THTE. (11M rJW11... r111rl 11m{t:Lfl[., IJ1'El111....) You make me regret that we liYe in t>imes when modern prejudice forbid8 me to chastise this out rage in the only mtLnner it deserves. ARcrr. 0.J.1 ieil.JJ., .l!Jl!./ 111ulf lll i:..eaLh..} I ha e no prejudice, when the lie is flung in my face, th:it forbids me vindicating my honor with my life. Tn'FK I understand you, sir. (Tu 1'718 tllNJJLJ t-.j.J h, hrr6 ./cvr. ARcrr. I am glad to explain myself clearly on one subject. ( 'rJJ.."M:Jj '11.) Mad:tm I Ahal! tLHk your daughter to pl:tre herself' under your protection foe a time. That proceedini:r is due to you nnde1 the eircums' anees. :\fr Silas .A uldjo will eondurt her to your moms i'D. th\ hotel, if you will rlo me the ftwor to aw,it ere. :J Mrss fh. lf.!.sirJ!:j_ He orders nR about tt>i if'. we wele his lacquey8. fa;l"iVI Aul'H. When yon heeome ttware of injnstiel wards me, I shall ;;_pP;tt; reeeive her again with acknowledgments (111n1i11q_ ln TnTE) aud your apology Gool .MH. T1ni;; a JI(/ Mrs" H:rn'F1:4l' I' V rnr ii r 1 11111! F 'l'a. Y Will you leave n,.; together? Xv h Pim. (usi1!1 111 Vrnnxn. I can't make him out I Either he is as mad tis Don Qnixot.e or as impudent as a 11ewi;paper reporter at an in-tervicw f,',,r1111! PEusnrno:-;s 11/lll V"rnmxn. Q(J &pJ You henrd what F .\:-<. Yes. I your mot.her emtitled to demand an explann.tion, whieh I bonnsernclly. F \.-. 'ltrsit11li11:JJ._Ooly toll me it is not tnw. That lady was not iu your rooms.

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'72 .ARcn. It /., true I .All they was tl'uc-she was thereI drny nothing except one is not my wife. FAN. Who, what is Rhc then? .Amar. I cauuot tell yon more. l see you doubt me. i:;, As I l could not liut re(all your strau.e repu:rthe ceremony of our marrin;1. I som hing was on your mind ::di day! ( you ::seemed to :;utfor J asked you if you had a skeleton in your 1upboanl. .ARun. Yes, aud you hopetl l had (/11 /11r11s a11-1 F.\N. (sobhittr/.) But uoL a J'e11rn le one. Oh! Anltic, I duu't lovPyou less, because l doubt. l don' t 1 tre what. you liave been-you arc mine now-perhaps it is wro1111 to foci so and still tu <'ling to youb,!!.!:J.-cannot h elp it---811 I c1 g{. 6'/jJ (. _____. Don't eu
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Sir.A s TiterJ's 1wf1iug ;;o df'cep tivc as proofs-I speak as a lawyer -the t h.!y are-:h:i more delusive-misplace
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74 Enter and MunGEO N rJ/' & 1 -6 RosA. Ah I Valt(>r. Te 11oilr1. Olt I .fe me menrs. R6 WALT. What is the matter with her? aC Muo. We passed Mr. Persimmons in the wood. I made her understand 'twas he gave me the ring. Then she took to Rhiver ing and crying, and wanted a pear. ROSA. ")frm pel"f'. {"eloil /11i. .Tf l'rri I'll. wrrrl l er s!tows lt(>r 1111 71/to/o11rr111!t.) _17, 011i. G'rs/ r;1/d. /tl:.r.uu.J \\'.\LT. I lost a father ycstcr
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. 7to lllt1.r1e. AC1"' V. A Room i n thP /il11:1l1J.e.achJlflifll lJJoli:i11.r; auJ..orul1e 'lea. Large Wi.Jidows rd bark: R and L. l Olwirs. 1'"h1rs, M iss SNIFFE at tablP wdh L1111ch ] TT_ ; ''If' 11;. CJ.tliuq /lf'(1J'/il?f. MRs 1'ARBox D (f on 1'!111ir, FANNIE al lier }i'r'I PERSDU\WNS H, Mns. CONSTANT. T w 1'E tl'alh11g 1 1 p a11d rloum a l hatk, S1LAS 8PC!IN{ tl'il/i !tis /11'1111 i11 his hrn1rk R (', VIRGINIA s{a11rls hy him l1'r111i11!/ nNJ' ,,rif11. The question is: What are yo u going to 110 nbont it? MRs. C T. There is no question in my min1 I O h of c o ur se I .l/,11 miK fortun e::; are / secondary affairK. Fan nie was a l wiiys th e farnrite of t h e troubl es take precedence of m i ne. T h ey a lwayR di d I I for got that. Help her first. O h do, p l ease .J!]]JJ.'!!LJ.. I am sure you m i g h t J1a v e all t h e misery to yourself. I I f' MRs. C T W e do not '!\'ant to be r eproac h eel with y our

PAGE 154

,.

PAGE 155

76 MRs T. My poer Fannie, what will b1come of yo11? n '/n .... .1c..x. MRS. C. T conRH er her enviable con1p:tre1l with mine! What satisfaction oou I obtain? Rq1aratP mai11t1:lllC'e They will not give me divorce the mo11"'ter a1lilo; hood, and I n eve r could rovok,, him to th.it cxtrPmity, so \\bat ean I -e4 '
PAGE 157

P1:i:s. Y 0 ? Vrn Y:es I wrnte that l utter a week ag<>, but I ha.d not the courag e to deliver it Pi:ns You saw me every day, why write, when you could Vm. Because I was a cowa rd-and feared to confess I had deceived you Pim. Deceived me-in what? Su.Mi. Virginia, I entreat. r-Tr::;,...... /-o Y e...,... :.1 Vm. No, Silas; "tnere Plioul. She is !-she is !-let her go on. 1-o .J. FIJ ,(' .1 n, -\.>

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/)J eJl:Aff 5 u 0. u.w:x l'h ?:-'
PAGE 159

78 J fo "'J PER. Your son I I-yours' true1 Is this a ghastly joke1 Silas-is thie I confess it is too true I I have been her accomplice in keeping you in the dark. I feei it was wrong. Wrong I You call thhi infernal conspiracy wrong I So I This for your desire to bring about my marriage I This accounts for your attitude yesterday when I found her in your arms It was for this I confided to your friendship a sacred trust. How have you ful filled it; SILAS. I confess I shared in the deception. Shared in it I-of course did-look at Walter lz, SILAS. Good gracious I yau do not suspect me of being the father of my Mrs. Persimmons! Ma'am I Do you hear? The character of the firm was never impeached until now I I beg you to vindicate our virtue.
PAGE 161

79 FAN. Heaven bless him.("/ VrR, r eads. I never knew bow much I love 1 you unti l I tried to love another." PER. I eannot appreciate the experiment. Vrn .. r eads. But I will not attem t to excuse the lsehood which 1) gives Y?u the rig_ht to disbeh e me. {;:!) PE:. And this is your fidelity This is the reward I find on return---ing to claim my first love I Oh, Virginia I the poetry bas gone out of FAN, But, dear Uncle John (crossing to hirn) do conside r -it was so very long ago-und Walter is such an angel. PER., I wish he bad never been on earth. FAN. Oh I you will forgive her-she loves you so! -fv.el' u l\fas. C. T.A,.This is the consequence of marriage late iu life. If eld.erly people will leave the fruit of' love on the tree until 'tis over ripe they must expect it to fall into other people's mouths. Mrss Ss. Her onl.) fault is being a widow, an altar with this imposture on her breast, I dori't know how she could do it I ). s[l,AS w\/ I have come, sit', to render you it faithful account of the confided to me when [ went to F1ance t.o take charge of our wanl in Chancery. I married her I You married her I in defia1w c \Tice-ChaneellJr It !}> high treason It is contem11 t of Ruin I Disgrace sir; for the husband oi B.osahe Laborde's mother, tLe father of my young wife, lives PEu. a8icle. Oh, Lord, he cannot have di scovered-a-.-rtA. h R WAL. Here is his portrait, taken 2:1 years ago. ( !!11111/s ii to V rnc:i. 1.A.)

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-pvz,r. -Cit h 1-o ltV<-F-cjtJu..ad o4 r Sle "" ..
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80 Why, John l this is your likeness P ... R. Mine! impossible. Who says I am a father 1 The ,...,'1111 and if further evidence is required, do you reeognize this ring ? Mun. You presented it to UH' the dtty before your wedding, s:1yiug it had been given to you long ago by a lovely creature who adored you. I discovered a legend engraved on the inside-R. L. to J. P., 1857. WAL. Rosalie Laborde to John Persimmons, 1857 Vrn. The ver1 year I .was married --. 6 'J .( Ma.-i. 'l'. St-Op!-" all this! You sa.1 the young French girl is your wife l ,,.p then she cannot be .Archie's wifo :is well. lI am glad to sa.1 she cannot, and never was. The good fellow. lent me hh rooms, where my wife has resided with me, for the last two days, and he pledged his honor to keep our secret until my wife could claim her independence of the Court of Chancery by pleading a father. Mru;. T. Brother John l is this a dream. PE;--]: wish lt was. i!/J 1rCA. <>(;> C. And t.his is yonr fidelity, Uncle John. Oh the poetry is gone out of per life She <'annot forgive such duplicity. When she reflects that you approached the altar with this imposture on your bell.rt. I don't know how you would do it. ti(; E11ter !UULRUi>.U.I.Edear ; oh, if you will forgive me I will never doubt you again. Emhrarf's liu.) Mamma, have you nothing to say? I ask pnrdon.j-m' 'rrv"l'd 14/"' /-c h { ../ cont!ucfrd 11,1; Prmny .,frfr .!i_?ERSDL\IONS 11fiil1' Vm(;HNIA is led bJJ__Mus. C. T1FFE 011 tlte 01!1J;.r,_ MRS. C T. Uncle Uncle Johnllu:-,AUE. J!fJ.j_1 pere L k11eelin2 ut his_.&t), tu ne veux pas in' embrasser ? PEn:>muo;-;:> embro,.es lter ...!.--_

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SJ ];>ER. Virginia, we must forget auJ forgive. H uman nature wu.s too strong for us. Mus. C_,_t... There were faults on Ocit'fl sides. C T. I am glu.d to hear you Sa) so. C. T. Oh! ( Gves 11p slr(ft.. s 1'(!!'1,fotlws her.) ,_, SrLAS. Fate reunited you both in your children. J/...'J h-Jh E11/er with t/11 'illli!J. 1.r And lrnre is another boo cl oJ union. Pim. What ia thiR ? { RosAL Jfo11 1'1(/a11! .A.m I a. grnnclfather? :\11,;.-< 8.. I congratulate you; yuu have a rerLd,,-made family. .\ht'. C. f 1 r Au1l1]o I wi1:1l1 to lrnve a tleed 0 1 8epttnLtion drawn out immediately h II(;, \;ll. Here is one re tdy pre parcel. iu case of emergency. ( 'I'. l{.etu.h -Prepared. rl-ocM #.qc R d ruwtrirward a 1'1111 We eau settle tbi::i matter at ouce. M 1:::i. C. T., 1711 uwing Jwrs'!f u11 '" r knet'S /Jf'side )lus. 'l'A 1 .uox. O h, mamm.t has it eome to this ? You old fool, wlmt a.re you about'? rre c:w--e lf#. .Mtin., lo !ti111. luu young t saving your .lueAlwl
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.,...

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82 Fifty-eight l C. 'I'. Come, Sophy, will it gratify you if I confess. Mu s C T. You won't' /'iiiUiJ C. r. I will. Mns. C. T Oh, Constant. C. 1' I'll confess anything. There, he can't say more than that .A'.t /-v .J; Pim. You 1lon't vnrnt particnlars? Mn s Q. T 1'Hifn-aci11g U. 1'. It is not his fault. It is the fault of ahomioalilc women that <'n nnot leave him alone. Pc"" T.:.. \l.1 angel l "the loveliest in Heaven's sphere" 811. 1 ti 'l'lllli is he happiest day of my life, to see my clients a ll at peace .A.1te11 rn .,J_VJiat a sentiment for a lawyer my dear old friend, John Persimmons at the head ot a famil,1 .Pm. Oh, no! I am not the lwa(l. SILAS. Who i s then. he=d Pim. Thhi little tyrant I There's the,.:M!lld of the Household. HiH voice is omuipotent and hif! will des110tic '!'here. is the true head of the family J6 SILAS t:iweet moderator of all our petty discords-souvenir of our youth and lov_e !-idol before whom we sacrifice all our selfish naturesaye, the houi,ie mdeed i!l,heaclless without a baby in it. (To lhe audieoce.) LadiesI hope 1 ham you all for clients in this question-The. most precious object in a ma.n's eyes :ihould be--MRs. 'l'.4 HUQl'J ) Mm;. C. T., 1 u I I .A.ND AJ,L 'rllE LADIES. J SILAS, And his first Jnr

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Boucicault, Dion,
1820-1890,
author.
245 0
Marriage.
246 3
Bridal Tour
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[place of production not indentified] :
[producer not identified],
1877
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82 numbered leaves ;
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Promptbook includes typed pages with extensive notes from the stenographer and minor notes from the author.
Includes cast list of performers.
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A promptbook for the play Marriage in 5 acts with extentsive notes.
555
Finding aid
available in repository and online.
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Forms part of the Dion Boucicault theatre collection.
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Boucicault, Dion,
1820-1890.
t Marriage
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Dion Boucicault Theatre Collection, 1843-1847.
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Nineteenth century English drama.
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Finding Aid
u http://digital.lib.usf.edu/?u29.27-b16-ead



PAGE 1

Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll Marriage by Dion Boucicault 1877 Characters: Mudgeon Biddles Archibald Meek John Persimmons Esq. Silas Auldjo Walter Mrs. Constant Tiffe Mr. Constant Tiffe Fanny Mr. Tarbox Mrs. Tarbox Josephine Bridesmaids Miss Sniff Miss Dexter Mrs. Silsbee Virginia Cudlem Rosalie ACT I (SCENEA lawyers office. Law Library and Engravings of Judges. Law Almanacs, etc., against the walls. On each side of door, shelves holding japanned tin cases, lettered:) John Persimmons, Esq. Captain Barnacle. Hagar Orphan Asylum Laborde Trust Mr. & Mrs. Constant Tiffe. Mr. Archibald Meek, Esq. Marriage Settlement. Widows and Orphans Fund Heirs of Jos. Buster. IN RE Exors of Tarbox. The Earl of Muldoon. Magdalen Refuge. The Cudlem Estate. (Mudgeon discovered seated on a high stool at the desk)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MUD: (Writing) There, that is done! (He folds and endorses a deed) Marriage settlement of John PersimmonsSilas Auldjo, trustee. That is another responsibility added to our burthen. (Rises, speaking as he crosses with deed to back of table ) John Persimmons, aged 52, marries Miss Virginia Cudlem, aged 44. This aged pair have been engaged for twenty-six years! he settles on his mature bride a handsome income for her separate use, and the whole of his estate at his death. (He takes up a deed from the table. ) Mr. Archibald Meeks settlement on Miss. Fanny Tarbox. This young couple met each other only two months ago! Marriage settlements should be made a year after the wedding instead of a few days before it. There is no equity in these contracts. (Puts it down and goes down R. to front of table ) A husband has a clear right at common law to object to a bargain where the article when delivered is found not up to the sample. Wives should be held like some estateson lease, to be revalued from time to time. (A gong bell is heard outside ) (Enter Biddles. ) BID: Please sir, heres two coves as wants the governor. (Enter Persimmons and Archibald D.L.F.) PERS: Is that the way you announce clients in this office? (To Mudgeon pointing at Biddles ) What is that? MUD: That is our new boy, sir. He is one of Mr. Auldjos specimensranked out of the gutter and sent to one of his Orphan Asylums, where they could not make a Christian of him, so they turned him out. PERS: And Silas Auldjo took him in? Just like him! That old fool is the byeword of the town! He is an amateur in rogues, thieves and vagabonds, as another man takes to antiques or rare old china. Now, I will wager this whelp has been in prison. BID: (Crying) It wornt no fault of mine. PERS: Of course notwhose fault was it? BID: Mothers. PERS: You were brought to jail by the bad example of your parents, you mean? BID: Please sirit wornt her fault neither. PERS: How did you get into jail then? BID: I was born there!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: Poor boy! Uncle John, where should we be now if our parents had given us such a start in life? Ill give him a sovereign. PERS: (To Biddles. ) Get out theres a penny. (Exit Biddles. To Archie) Extravagant commiseration encourages the evil it is intended to console. (Archie goes to recess and puts his hat on R table. Mudgeon gets back of table ) When the cup of charity overflows it makes a mess. Are those deeds ready for signature? (Persimmons puts his hat and stick on L table-in recess. ) MUD: Here they are, sir! (Handing one to Archibald and the other to Persimmons. Archibald goes to back of table R and sits to peruse the deed. Mudgeon returns to his desk. Persimmons crosses o fireplace. ) ARCH: It is no use reading all this. MUD: None whatever, sir! When you wish to set it aside, I believe you can do so. PERS: On what plea? MUD: If an old fools will, made on his death bed while under influence, can be set aside on the plea of weakness of the testators mind PERS: Well, sir, what then? MUD: How much more just to set aside a marriage settlement, made by a young fool a few hours before her wedding, under the influence of PERS: Hold your cynical tongue, you quill-driving Diogenes! I wonder your employer has not got rid of you twenty years ago! Poor old Silas; what a life he leads, shut up in this dingy kennel! He must be rich enough. Why dont he retire from business? MUD: (Turning on stool) Look round you! Dont you find fifty reasons? Each of those tin boxes contains the hopes and cares of a family. He is trustee to one, executor to another, guardian of a third. He is the husband of a dozen widowsthe father of a score of orphans. He has grown to love their troubles and to share their joys and sorrows. It aint the pleasures we love the most in life, sir, but the cares and pains that habit makes dear to us! I do believe if I was to go a winter through without my lumbago, Id feel I had lost an old friend! PERS: Thus you think a nuisance may at last become indispensable. MUD: Yes. PERS: Possibly that is the reason your master retains your services.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: (Who has been reading the deed, rises) I hate this legal apparatus! Why cannot I give Fanny a fortune between two kisses, as I give her a set of diamonds? These provisions for dissension and death chill the young blood of love. (Coming down C.) PERS: (Coming down R.) Happy boy, that has young blood to chill! You are three-andtwenty; your bride, my niece, Fanny Tarbox, is nineteen; you will begin life together tomorrow; your future is before you! To -morrow I, aged 52, will marry my Virginia, aged no matter; our future is behind us! (To R.) ARCH: Is not your past a grateful compensation? You will always have the reflection that you left a young and loving girl twenty-five years ago, and when you returned here last month you found her faithful. PERS: I went abroad to make an independence, promising myself to return and share it with her. Years passed by, and while hoarding a fortune I forgot I was squandering her youth and my own. I returned to find her the same in heart, but changed in form; she had grown fat on fidelity. (Archie moves to L.C. Persimmons following ) Ha, you recollect the unhappy dog that gave up the shadow for the substance; but my affection survived the shock. She was my first and onlyI should say earlylove. And she had adored meonly mefor twenty-five years! Think of that! Think of the incense of those twenty-five years offered up to me! Regard twenty-five years of youth burning steadily away in front of my image! Contemplate a vestal virgin growing middle-aged at my feet, on her knees, hugging my promise to her heartfaith on her brow and hope in her heart! I raised her in my arms, where she found, at last, the reward of virtue. MUD: (Aside. ) Poor Virtue! (Aloud. Turning on stool ) But perhaps, sir, she found you equally changed. (Crosses to back of table busies himself at it.) PERS: (C.) Not a bit. I asked her; she assured me I had not grown a day older. ARCH: (LC) You are a happy man! She is a fine woman still! She has not lost her figure-PERS: No one can accuse her of that! ARCH: A little round--PERS: A long way round ARCH: Oh, come, She has a waist! PERS: The only waist about her is the waste of her years. ARCH: John Persimmons, dont provoke me to tell you she is only too good for you. PERS: Eh! What? What?

PAGE 5

Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: She is a splendid, lovable creature, and if I were not about to become your nephew I would cut you out, if I could, and become my own uncle! No; I mean PERS: Dont explain; dont! Embrace me! Your indignation is so consoling! I did but arouse your defense that I might listen to her praise. I know I am too old to marry, but so sensitive to ridicule that my vanity prompts me to be the first to say what I most dread to hear. MUD: Cheer up, sir! A man is never old when he is young enough to be a fool about a woman. (Back of table.) ARCH: So all your youth is to come! PERS: Do you think so? Eh! Really? (Mudgeon coming down R.) ARCH: What is waiting? You feel as capable of loving her as you did twenty years ago? PERS: More so, more so! MUD: Your heart is still as full of trust and faith? PERS: Fuller! Much Fuller! ARCH: You enjoy all the illusions of boyhood? PERS: Every one of them! Ive stored up my wild oats. MUD: These are signs of a green old age, sir, a very green old age! (Archie goes up C, enjoying Mudgeons speech and round to fireplace.) You have saved up a vigorous youth to pass it at the other end of your life. PERS: Mudgeon, your hand! I have betrayed myself to you both. Stay. (To Mudgeon) Theres a wedding present for you. (Gives him a ring. ) Tis a diamond. Ive worn it for many years. MUD: Oh, sir, this is too rich a present to so poor a man as I am. (Crosses to L.) PERS: Take it you old rogue! Tis a token given to me many years ago by--ha,ha!a lovely creature who adored me! I ought not to keep it when now this hand is pledged to another. Not a word! I may trust you. (Up and sits L of table. Gong bell sounds twice. ) MUD: Theres Mr. Auldjo. (Up to desk.) (Enter Silas D.L.F.) SILAS: (L.C.) Where is he? Where is thatEh! Mr. Persimmons, I ask your pardon; Mr. Meek, yours. Forgive me gentlemen, but I hoped to find that rascal son of mine at his

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll desk. I hope to find him while I am in this temper. I can talk to him now, but if I cool down I shall not be able to use the language he deserves. ARCH: What is the matter? SILAS: Read that letter just arrived; it comes from a highly respectable solicitor. (Hands a letter to Persimmons Persimmons rises and crosses to L. ) A pretty record! You will find here of how our firm has been behaving itself when it went abroad to conduct a valuable lawsuit. (Sits L of table.) PERS: (Reads) Dear Sirs. The enclosed account has been transmitted to us for collection. The goods, as we are instructed, were furnished to your order. (Reads enclosed bill ) Madame Laferriere & Co., Paris Court Milliners. To M. Walter Auldje. One rich gray silk polonaise, trimmed chenille fringe, (pauses and looks at Silas.) 2 black satin corsets, (pauses and looks at Silas.) 30 yards of Brussels lace, 3 dozen handkerchiefs embroidered Rosalie, six dozen pairs of gloves, 8 buttons, number 5 What is all this about, eh? The above invoice was delivered to Mlle Rosalie. A cheque at your convenience will oblige. (Turns and looks at Silas.) SILAS: A year ago I took my son Walter into partnership, and the first piece of business confided to his care was the estate of a ward in Chancerya young lady, who resided where she had been educated, in a French convent. He went to France to escort her to this country, as the Vice Chancellor decreed the orphan heiress should be brought within the jurisdiction of the courts. Walter, representing our firm, was ten months over this businessand there is how our funds were employed. MUD: (At desk) Dont be unjust to the boy! You know the young lady eloped from the conventand our Walter wa s pursuing her over all Europe. The money he drew was required to pay the police who assisted him. PERS: Did the police require black satin corsets, and were six dozen pairs of gloves with eight buttons necessary to the pursuit?

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: (Coming down R.) Oh--I understand it! This is part of an order Walter kindly undertook to to buy on my account. Please give it to methis is my affair. (Advances to Pers immons. ) MUD: (Aside) Heavens bless him!he lies like an angel. SILAS: Did you order these things? (Coming down R. of Archie.) ARCH: (C. ) Yesit was a bridal present, intended for Fannya--I wished to give her aa surprise. SILAS: Oh! My dear friend, how you relieve my heart. (A gong bell heard.) Here he is. (Goes behind table by R and sits.) ARCH: (Aside. ) Oh! I hope he wont betray me. (Going up C. to R. Persimmons crosses over to R.) (Enter Walter D. L. F. hangs up his hat pegs L ) WALT: HaMr. Persimmonsgood day. What! Archie too! (Shaking hands.) Oh, I suppose you have come to sign your settlements. ARCH: Congratulate me. (He takes Walter apart and explains in dumb show about the account. Up C.L. ) SILAS: (Aside to Persimmons. ) Dont tell Walter I suspected him. PERS: Not a word. (Silas busies himself at the table ) Hum!I wonder if Fannys number is 5 Hum!two pair of black satin corsetsI think it would surprise Fanny to receive such a present from her intended, especially if they fittedand who is Rosalie? Archibald Meek is lying, I saw it on his face. (Looks back and sees Walter laugh and shake Meeks hand ) And now I see it on Walters face. SILAS: The deeds are ready! Walter, you can serve as one of the attesting witnesses. (Walter moves to fireplace, behind.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: I feel as if I were making my will. (Sitting on table ) MUD: (Crossing to Archie and giving him pen.) Worse, sira will is the end of a mans troubles, a marriage certificate is the beginning of them. SILAS: Now, Mr. Persimmons. (Persimmons sits R. of table ) (They are about to sign *gong bell heard*) PERS: Interrupted at such a moment!is that a warning bell? (Mudgeon goes to door and looks out.) Silas: Let that client wait in the outer office. MUD: Impossible, sirtis Mrs. Constant Tiffe. PERS: My niece! ARCH: My Fannys sister. MUD: She is in mourning. (Goes to desk.) PERS: (Down to R.) Oh, Lord! She has quarreled with her husband again! They quarrel once a month. Then she goes under her marriage settlement like a tigress and demands a separation. We always know her condition, for she puts on mourning to provoke enquiry. Then, after a week of mortification she creeps out like a spaniel, and whines for a caress. (Enter Mrs. Constant Tiffe D. L. F. All bow) MRS. C: (With suppressed passion ) Good morning, Mr. Auldjo. Oh Uncle John, you are here! So much the better. Good day, Walter. Mr. Meek, you are going to marry my sister Fanny I cordially wish her a happier fate than mine. PERS: Has Tiffe been at it again, my dear? (Advancing. )

PAGE 9

Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. C: What do you mean by at it again? (He starts back.) what do you mean by that expression? The ridiculous shape of your enquiry, sir, is an insult to the gravity of my wrongs. PERS: Of course I could not know how serious the matter might be, my dearI thought it might blow over. (Advancing. ) MRS. C: Blow over! (He starts back.) PERS: I beg pardon for indulging in the hope. (To R. corner.) MRS. C: (Going up to L. table. Archie starts upretires behind his chair.) Mr. Auldjo, my husband and I are perfectly agreed that our present disagreement is to be the last and I wish, we both wisha deed of separation to be prepared at once. (To L.C.) SILAS: Certainlyit will take a week to-MRS. C: A week! But, sirI want it ready for signature to-morrow! PERS: To-morrow! WALT: (To Archie. ) On your wedding day! ARCH: My dear Mrs. Tiffe (Coming down C.) MRS. C: (L.C.) Sophia! If you pleaseI hate the name of Tiffe! Please dont remind me of my misfortune more than may be necessary. ARCH: Then Sophiadear Sophiadont you think we might postpone the melancholy event MRS. C: Do you refer to your marriage, sir? ARCH: Good Heavens! No I mean your divorce. MRS. C: That, sir, will be the happiest day of my life. (Crossing to C. ) Ah! You do not know what is before you! Marriage! Ha! Ha! (Up to L.C.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: This is a pleasant look out for a pair of bridegrooms. MRS. C: (Down to L. of table.) You are right, Uncle; I have no right to destroy your illusions. Mr. Auldjowill you take my instructions for your deed of separation? SILAS: (Mudgeon goes up L. to boxes) I think I have a draft of such a one you gave me instructions for on a former occasion. MUD: We have nine draftson nine former occasions! (At deed-boxes.) PERS: Nine draftsno wonder they all blew over. (*A gong bell heard*) MUD: (Looking out.) Oh! Here is Mr. Constant Tiffe. MRS. C: My husband! (Up to L. of door.) MUD: (Aside. ) he appears excited! (Archie down L.) (Enter Tiffe D.L.F. Does not see Mrs. Tiffe. Walter sits arm chair R. ) TIFFE: Mr. AuldjoAh! Uncle, you are hereso much the better. How are you, Walter? Ah! Archibald! I am not sorry to find a family party assembled here, as my business is-(Sees Mrs. C. T.) Oh!aI beg pardon; I perceive you are engagedsorry I intruded. Ill call in to-morrow. MRS. C: Pray, dont let my presence drive you awayI will leave you. TIFFE: I beg you will finish your business with your legal adviser madam. (They face at door.) MRS. C: Perhaps you will allow me to pass you, that is, if your ever allow anything. TIFFE: A great deal of allowance is to be made for a person of your temper, madam.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. C: Oh! Sir. (RetiresExit Tiffe) There, that is what I am subject toyou see how impossible it is to get on with that man. (She pauses. ) He shall see Im not going to be put down in this way. (Follows him out rapidly ) (Mudgeon looks out of the window.) PERS: That furnishes a cheerful omen for this occasion! ARCH: Poor Sophie! She is so jealous of Tiffe! She leads him the life of a lap dog. (Sits L. of table.) (They sign.) PERS: (Stating R. of table.) If Virginia should torment herself in that manner on my account, I shall bear the persecution with affectionate good humor. WAL: Ay, because jealousy is a compliment to an old fellow, but tis a bore to a young one. PERS: A mans age, sir, like his fortune, is not to be measured by what he has spent in the world, but rather by what amount remains unsquandered! Many young fellows of 52 possess more funds of life than your decrepit spendthrifts of 26. (Walter rises and goes up to R.) MUD: There are Mr. and Mrs. Constant Tiffe on the sidewalk having it out, while that imp Biddles is looking on from the stoop and cheering the performance. SILAS: My goodness, let us separate them; they will collect a crowd in the street. (Exeunt Silas and Persimmons getting their hats & c. & o. ) ARCH: (Down C.) Your mention of his age hurt his feelings. WAL: (R.) I hit him in the almanac--but I owed him one for his attacks on Mudgeon. The old crab, he was suckled on a lemon!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MUD: (L.) Bless your dear heart! But I have not recovered from the fright I fell into when your father arrived with that milliners bill. Mr. Meek took it all upon himself. (Going up to boxes L. puts away papers then slowly to back of tabl e R.) WAL: (L.) He is used to it! When we were at school together he always suffered for my misdeeds, and his back seemed to enjoy the penalty he took from mine. Archie, you are an unconscious hero! ARCH: (R.) You are always doing me a service. How can I forget that you obtained Fanny for me? WAL: After you had won her! But you would not see it. ARCH: How did you discover it? WAL: I made love to her on my own account. ARCH: You courted my Fanny? WAL: How otherwise could I have obtained her confession that she loved another? I left her no alternative. That other she avowed was you; she bound me to secrecy. ARCH: And you came direct to tell me! WAL: She relied on that. ARCH: Oh, Walter! If she had accepted you, what should I have done! WAL: No, but what should I have done? For the truth isI am married already! MUD: Married? (Coming down R.) ARCH: You married! MUD: Where? When! To whom? WAL: When? (Crosses to C.) A year ago. Where? In Paris. To whom? To Rosalie Laborde.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MUD: To our ward in Chancery? Oh, Mr. Walter! What have you done? The girl was a sacred trust committed to our charge. This act must bring the old man to ruin, and the firm that stands so high to bankruptcy and disgrace. (Drops in armchair R.) She is rich. We were entrusted with her fortune. WALT: I wont touch a penny of it! ARCH: Stop! I do not understand all this! I thought that young lady had eloped from her convent? WAL: So she didwith me! MUD: (Rises) Then you did not employ the French police to pursue her all over Europe? WAL: Yes, I did. And we followed them in their search. (Up and down R.) Two years ago our firm were concerned for a Company working an iron mine in Scotland. It was discovered that the richest part of the vein ran under a small neighboring estate belonging to a young orphan girl, residing in France. The Board of Directors proposed to buy this property before its mineral value was disclosed to the owner. My father resisted this conspiracy to defraud the absent child, and appealed to the Court of Chancery to protect her interests. ARCH: Just like him. (Mudgeon down R.) WAL: This appeal was successful. Our firm were appointed Guardians of the girl and Trustees of the property. (Up and sits on table.) MUD: (R.) Thereby losing the business of the Company by making a girl he never saw a millionaire! ARCH: Bless him for it. I think--that is I hope --I should have done the same had I been in his place. Oh, Walter, how proud you must be of such a father! MUD: Thank you, sir! Thank you! (Shaking hands with Archie and crossing to desk.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WAL: I was dispatched to Bordeaux to bring our ward to his country, so that she might reside within the jurisdiction of the Court. I found her in a Convent. During our first interview, I forgot I was a lawyer and a guardian, and a trustee; I forgot the Scotch mine, for I found in that peaceful retreat one of heavens own bonanzasa human mine that gives dividends every minute. Then by right of discovery I staked out my claim. (Down R.) MUD: Oh, sir, did you reflect before you took this step? (Down L.) WAL: (R.) Who does reflect when the world and all that is in it is flung to the stars, and the only sky above is the smiling face of a loving woman, the horizon her arms and the earth her breast. Yes, we both reflected that if conducted to this city, my fathers honor would place her beyond my reach. That reflection drove us to despair, and despair drove us to church. MUD: And while the French police were pursuing the fugitive, where were you both that they could not find you? WAL: We were in heaven! The police never dreamed of going here. (To R. then up.) ARCH: (C.) Mudgeon is right! If this girl was confided to your father by the Court you have taken advantage of his position to violate the trust. MUD: (L.) You are liable to be sent to prison and endure the awful consequences of abducting a ward in chancery! How will you defend yourself? WAL: (At back of table.) I shall produce her in court. There is an amount of provocation that palliates murder, and her beauty will justify my temporary insanity. (Coming down C. R.) But we have one chance to escape all danger. Rosalie has reason to believe her father still lives. MUD: Her father alive! If that be so, his authority supersedes that of the court. What proof have you of this?

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WAL: We can find no proof of his death, no trace even of his name, for the one she bore, Labor de, was her mothers maiden name. Here is the only relic she seems to have preserved of him. This was discovered amongst her papers and effects after her death. (Crosses to R. Archie crosses to L.) (Hands a photograph to Meek) ARCH: This is a portion of a photograph; it has been partially burned; only half the face remains! WAL: Look at the back. ARCH: (Reads) My husband, 1857 Twenty years ago. (Shows it to Mudgeon. ) WAL: The year before Rosalie was born. MUD: You have only discovered one-half of her father. ARCH: How do you propose to find the other half? WAL: Do you see the name of the photographer? ARCH: (Reads) John Watkins, Dover (Hands it to Mudgeon. ) WAL: I went to Doverfollowed up that Watkinstraced him to Hullthence to Bristollost himfound him again in Plymouthlost him againtill yesterday, when I nailed him in Melbourne, Australia. MUD: But you do not expect he can remember a man who sat for a likeness 20 years ago. (Crossing to Walterreturns him photo.) WAL: Observe the official number on the photograph, and the note attached, Negatives preserved; the copies may be obtained by sending to us the above number. (Crosses to Archie.) This morning I cabled John Watkins, Photographer, Collins street, Melbourne: Send me ten copies of photograph number 3827, taken by you at Dover, for

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll which draw on me at sight for ten pounds; if you can trace by your books the name of the sitter, cable me that name and draw on me for a hundred. I am waiting for his reply. ARCH: Do you think he has kept any such record or negatives for all this time? WAL: The hope is slender, I confess. It is like cutting into the pack of life and trying to turn up a father. MUD: Every child ought to be tattooed with its parents name and address. (Crossing behind to desk. Walter goes to R. of table.) ARCH: I wish I could help you in your difficulty. WAL: You can. I am in expectation of the arrival of my wife from Switzerland, where I left her six weeks ago, and I have no home to offer her. I dare not take her to a hotel. Lend me your rooms, you are going to be married to-morrow, so you will never need them again. ARCH: (Up to L. table.) My dear Walter! I am so obliged to you for the proposition. Here are the keys. You know where everything is to be found. WAL: From a bottle of champagne to a bootjack. ARCH: Make her at home. (Moving to L.) WAL: Stop! I forgotthere is a little difficultyperhaps you might object to this. (Hands him a telegram.) ARCH: What is this? (Crosses to R.) WAL: A telegram I received from Switzerland a month ago. ARCH: (Reading) Its a boy. It! (Mudgeon turns on stool.) WAL: Yes, you see it was an it for some time before it was established to be a he. MUD: You dont mean to say the the firm is a grandfather! (Coming down L.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: Gracious! Walter, isnt it awful! What is to be done? WAL: You cannot take that on your shoulders. (Down C.) ARCH: Dont make a joke of such a subject. WAL: I have named this youngster after you! Mr. Archibald Meek Auldjo. ARCH: Ill put him into my will at once. WAL: Dont forget as you love me, the danger I run. You will swear to keep my secret? (Mudgeon up to desk.) ARCH: Do you think I could betray your confidence? Your secret is locked in my heart. WALT: Yes but Fanny keeps the key. When a fellow marries he is so deuced weak for the first month or two. ARCH: Even Fanny could not induce me to forfeit my pledged word. (Knock at door. Biddles appears) BID: Please, sir, heres a pliceman says theres a lady in a cab outside as wants somebody here, and she cant speak plain. (Archie to R.) MUD: (At window.) Theres a cab at the door, with a pile of trunks on the roof; theres a lady inside, andoh!theres a baby! (Exit Biddles. ) WAL: What! (Rushes to the window and pushes Mudgeon aside ) Tis Rosalie! Tis my wife! And mymy baby. Oh, Lord! ARCH: Where? Let me see. (Rushes to window to upper end of desk close to chair. ) WAL: Get out of the way! (Knocks him aside; he falls in a chair. Knocking it over) (Exit Walter D.L.F.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: Dont mind mehurrah! (Striving to get up. ) MUD: His wife! Our childarrived! There they are. Oh! I must speak to herand I must kiss that baby. (Rushes out, stumbling over Archibald s legs ) ARCH: Dear old chap! How delighted he is, to be sure! (Goes to window. ) He jumps into the cabhe takes her in his arms, baby and all! Little Archie! Only fancy my being a godfather, without knowing I had a son of that kind! But oh! Surely something has happened! Here comes Mudgeon back again and Walter also. They look scared. (Re-enter Mudgeon D.L.F.) MUD: Oh, Lord! Oh, dear! ARCH: What has happened? MUD: Here are Mr. Persimmons and Mr. Auldjo coming back; (Returning to corner end of desk.) they are walking up the street. (Re-enter Walter ) WAL: They did not see me. ARCH: What an escape! (Up C.) MUD: Has the cab and the lady gone away? WAL: No. I hadnt time to give directions to (Running to window. ) the driver. (Mudgeon looks out of the window.) MUD: There they are. Your father is stopping to speak to a client. WAL: Archie! You can save me! (Up to him. ) ARCH: How? Ill do anything. (Going up for coat-puts it on him )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WAL: Go down quickly, jump into the cab and take my wife to your rooms! (Mudgeon goes up and brings down hat; they put them on him rapidly ) I will follow you in a few minutes. ARCH: With pleasure, old fellow! Of course I will. Wheres my hat? MUD: Take mine, and theres my overcoat. WAL: Dont waste a moment. ARCH: I am so delighted to do anything I can. WAL: All right. Off with you! (Mudgeons felt hat covers his face. His overcoat too large enwraps his figure.) There he goes! Surely they will never recognize him. (Exit Archibald D. L. F.) MUD: (At the window below Walter ) Here comes your father and Persimmons. WAL: (At stool deskwindow.) Will he escape their notice? (Looks out. ) There he goes. Ha! Ha! What a scarecrow he looks, so. The horse shies at him. No wonder. He speaks a word to the driver. MUD: See, Persimmons is looking that way. WAL: Archie takes a header into the cab. Bravo! They are off. (They turn around sharply and all together say ) Oh! MUD: I heard a woman scream. WAL: Twas Rosalie! The introduction was too sudden. She was unprepared for the sensation. (Crosses to R.C.) MUD: No matter; he can explain it. WAL: No, He cant. She does not speak three words of English, and he possess es a like amount of French. Ha! Ha! Ha! I can realize the group where the baby has the best of it.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll (A gong bell sounds.) MUD: Here comes your father! (Sits at desk) WAL: Stand to your arms! (gets back of table sits.) MUD: Oh, dear, neither arms nor legs will stand to me, for I am trembling all over. How shall I look him in the face with all this on my conscience ? Spectacle Business (Walter sits at table. Mudgeon at desk. Enter Silas to L. of tablesits, and Persimmons, followed by Biddles D. L. F.) PERS: (Remains up.) I thought I could not be mistaken. They boy confirms my impression. MUD: (Aside) Oh, Lord. (Exit Biddles D. L. F.) PERS: I was sure it was he! (Going down R.) I heard him give his address to the driver! WAL: (Rising slowly. L ooking inquiringly at each of them ) A lady a baby. What does it all mean? (Sits. ) PERS: (Up to table.) It means that your friend, whom you introduced to my niece and to our family, is a libertine! That a gentleman on the eve of his marriage does not provide polonaises and fringes, and eight button gloves, et cetera, forahem!wellnot to put too fine a frill upon itfor episodic females like Mademoiselle Rosalie. Yes, sir, we know all about that young person who arrived here bag, baggage and baby, invited by your friend and expected by him, evidently. He met her at this very door. SILAS: I did not think him capable of making use of our place of business for such a rendezvous! PERS: The day before his wedding with my niece!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll SILAS: He was in disguise. I am obliged to him that he exhibited so far some respect for the firm. PERS: What respect does he show for his bride? (Down to R. corner.) SILAS: (Rises down C.) My dear friend, let us not forget that what transpires here within these offices is sacred. He is my client. I regret to say so. No matter. Family secrets are inviolable. Walter is my partner. Mudgeon is my confidential assistant. This awful business must go no further. WAL: I shall be the last to speak of it, sir. SILAS: Mudgeon will take it to his grave. MUD: (Aside. ) At this rate I shall soon be there. PERS: Oh, my poor Fanny! You little dream of what a wolf you are going to discover under this sheeps clothing. SILAS: (Up to L. of table.) My Walter possesses unbound influence over this misguided young man. He will exert it in defense of your niece. WAL: (Rises.) It is a sacred enterprise to which I devote my noblest energies. PERS: (Up to R. of table.) Do you think you can induce him to put an end to this licentious affair? WAL: I shall make it a personal matter with him; having been instrumental to his marriage PERS: So you were! You are entitled to protest. WAL: I feel so. I have the best right in the world to intervene in this case. Ill go at once. (To L. for hat.) PERS: The sooner the better.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MUD: (Aside. ) He is walking on a tight rope. Hell be over in a minute. SILAS: I would not have believed it of Archibald Meek! WAL: I dont believe it yet. (Down C.) PERS: Noble fellow! How he sticks by his friend! WAL: I wont believe it! I do not pretend that he is a saint! In fact, I do not profess to be perfect myself. SILAS: You are! You are! PERS: Your defense of him is one proof of it. SILAS: And the mission you undertake is another. WAL: (To Silas.) You will have no objection, sir, that Mr. Archibald should occupy my rooms in your house to-night. SILAS: He will be doubly welcome! Do you really think you will succeed in separating them so promptly? (Silas sits back of table.) WAL: When I undertake anything, I do it thoroughly. I will stand no trifling. PERS: But the lady and child? WAL: I shall not lose sight of them. (Exit door.) MUD: (Aside. ) Im all over a cold perspiration. SILAS: Noble boy! (Rises. Gets L. of table.) PERS: I wish I may have such a son. (Ring. They go out D. L. F.) (Mudgeon opens his desk, takes out a bottle and glass and tremblingly takes a bottle of brandy )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ACT II SCENEA drawing room in the house of Mrs. Tarbox. A rich toilette R.H. Bay window, richly curtained L.H. Fire place in similar recess R.H. Mrs. Tarbox seated L.H., Fanny and bridesmaids stand about toilette; Josephine on her knees, is sewing on a bouquet of flowers to Fannys bridal dress) MRS. TARBOX: (Affected to tears.) My poor lambthe crisis of your life is at hand! You are about to perform the supreme sacrifice in which you appear at once as the votary and the victim! How do you feel? FANNY: (Who has been raising her elbow.) A little tight under the arms--this satin body stifles me. JOSEPH: (Looking up.) Oh, miss! You said you had plenty of room when you tried on the dress last week. FANNY: Yes, but you did not allow for the excitement, and I have a great big lump here, that stops my breath. Oh! I am so faint, let me sit down! MRS. TAR: (Starting up as the bridesmaid R. of toilette offers a chair to Fanny. Then goes to looking glass and looks in it. When Fanny returns to toilette, the bridesmaid sits in the chair R. of it ) On no account, my dear! You would ruin the folds of your dress. Bear up my childcontrol your feelings. Be graceful and let me do the emotion. (When Fanny leaves toilette, the three other bridesmaids crowd around it to look at themselves in glass ) FANNY: How shall I ever get through it? Im sure I shall break down, or cry. MRS. TAR: A few tears would be seasonable. FANNY: But whenever I cry I always want to blow my nose. MRS. TAR: Then they must not be thought of. Keep your mind steadily fixed on the programme we rehearsed. Where is that description I prepared for to-morrows

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll newspapers? (Fanny returns to toilette ) Here it is! I wrote it myself! Those reporters indulge in pert remarks and vulgar jokes upon these solemn occasions. (Reads a paper she has taken from her pocket ) The bride entered the sacred edifice leaning gracefully upon the arm of her brother-in-law, Constant Tiffe, Esq., followed by the bridesmaids and then came Mrs. Tarbox, supported by Lord Bubblemere and accompanied by her two affectionate friends, Miss Dexter and Mrs. Silsbee, vainly endeavoring to console the bereaved mother. Now my dear, let us try that once again. Miss Sniff, will you my love, give me your armyou will do for the lord. MISS. S: Oh, please, dont include me! Im nobody! He! He! He! Im a super Ill sit in the gallery among the crowd. He! He! He! (Sniffs) MRS. T: Very well. Now Fanny, take your place, and try to look as much like bridesmaids as you canno giggling, if you please! Socarry your head a little lower, my darlingmodest oppression. Wheres my handkerchief? Now, imagine we are entering the church door and parading down the centre aisle. Soft music from the organ. Now, all together. (Down to L. N. then to C.) (The procession formed up R. Fanny and Josephine. Then four bridesmaids. Then Mrs. Tarbox, then Mrs. Silsbee and Miss Dexter. T hey advance. As they move) MRS. T: Oh! Hoo! Hoo! (She weeps. ) Head a little on one side. Oh! Hoo! Thats better. Hoo! Hoo! Dont tread on my train, Miss Dexter! Spread! Dont muddle the procession! FANNY: When am I to raise my face, mamma? MRS. T: Never, my dear, until the ceremony is concluded. (Stopping C.) FANNY: But the people will see only the nape of my neck. I shall hide Archies beautiful new locket under my chin. MRS. T: Reserve your face for the last moment (Slowly up to R. C.)when you turn from the altar to fall into my arms and receiv e the congratulations of your friends. Stand there, girls. Now, Fanny (Pointing to dressing table. ) let us consider that toilette is the altar.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MISS SN: Very appropriate, indeed, my dear Mrs. Tarbox. Young ladies make so many sacrifices there to the god of marriage. MRS. T: What a pity yours were never accepted, my love. (Up C. R.) MISS. SN: He! He! (Sniffs) MRS. T: Now, my dear, attention! The blessing has been pronounced. How graceful that back appears! Now, your unhappy mother is sensible of her lossshe utters a heartbroken sob, at hearing which you turn. Hoo! Thats the cue! (Fanny turns.) My child! (Embraces her. ) Throw your arms over me with graceful sympathy. So. Turn up your eyes to heaven. Girls, does the locket stand out? (Jos., Mrs. Silsbee, Miss Dexter and the bridesmaids, in one accord) Oh! Beautiful! Bravo! (Enter Persimmons and Virginia D. L. F.) PERS: What tomfoolery is that sister of mine after now. MRS. T: Brother John, you have the manners of a bear. (To R.) PERS: Im a bull, Betsy. Ive not been a bear these three years, worse luck! But, as armies during battle agree to truce while they bury their dead, let you and I, during this day, forbear to exchange hostilities. (Turning to Fanny) Fanny, my dear, we have come to ask your pardon for a trick we have played upon you this morning. FANNY: What do you mean? PERS: (Taking Virginias arm.) We are married! I engaged your parson to attend at the church at 8 oclock A.M. VIRG: When we knew there would be nobody there but ourselves PERS: Except the sexton who gave her away

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FANNY: (Running to Virginia. ) Oh! My dear Virgy, how I congratulate you!and you too, Uncle John. Kiss me! (The bridesmaids surround Virginia and congratulate her.) MISS. SN: If I were married in this early manner, at 8 in the morning, I should feel as if the ceremony resembled an execution! He! He! (Sniffs) PERS: Your husband might. MISS. SN: He! (Sniffs) PERS: Yes, here we are, man and wife, for the small sum of one pound seventeen and sixpence, including the fly. Cheap, wasnt it? MRS. T: I hope you will find it so, Im sure! FANNY: I expected we should go to the altar togetherhand in hand. MISS. SN: My dear, perhaps your aunt desired to avoid disparaging comparisons. He! He! (Sniffs) VIRG: No, indeed! But John made the excuse he desired to give you awayan offer he could not fulfill MRS. T: If he was giving himself away at the same time! FANNY: (Crosses to him.) So, Uncle John, you are going to be my parent on this occasion. I wish my poor papa were alive to replace you. PERS: Donthe is better off, wherever he is. VIRG: Here is a bridal present I have brought you. (Handing her a case.) May your happiness be as bright, pure and without flaw as these brilliants.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FANNY: Oh! How beautiful! Dear V irginia, whenever I wear them I shall think of you. (Miss. Sniffe moves behind to Fanny--the bridesmaids around her. All admiring the present ) MRS. T: (R. C.) My dear sister-in-law, such acts as these produce a graceful effect at your entry in our family. Josephine, take them down to the dining room and place them amongst the bridal offerings of our generous friends and beg the policeman to keep his particular eye on these gems (Exit Josephine D. L. F. To Persimmons ) Did you see the tributes of affection that overflow our board! The table groans under the display. PERS: (R.C.) The generous friends did the groaning! The show looked like the plate after a charity sermon. MRS. T: They are precious tokens offered by golden hearts. PERS: Golden humbug! Amongst the wedding gifts I recognized the gold watch that belonged to your father. MRS. T: Ah! (Virgina comes down L. of Persimmons trying to stop him.) PERS: And the silver ice jug that played the same part at your own wedding six and twenty years ago! Nest eggs! To encourage generous friends to lay! (To R.) MRS. T: (To Mrs. Silbee and the bridesmaids. ) I hope, my dears, you dont believe a word of this. (Crosses to L.) (Fanny up C. Virginia sits sofa R.) PERS: (R.) Well, I suppose I am expected to come down handsome! Although I see in nature no reason wh y the marriage pill should be gilt. Here, my love, is my wedding gift. (Crosses to her. Hands Fanny a parchment deed ) It is a mortgage deed on a sound bit of property tied up securely to yourself. MISS. SN: (L.C.) Very considerate indeed. It will give you a nice little income, darling, when, bye-and-bye, you separate from your husband. He! He! (Sniffs)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: Cant you let me butter the girl without turning my butter rancid? (Speaking to her behind Fanny and going up C. Then down R. to Virginia. Sniff remains up L.) (Re-enter Josephine D. L. F.) JOS: Lord Bubblemere and the Honorable Miss Fungus are come, maam. (Josephine arranges Fannys train. ) MRS. T: (L.) Ah! Thoughtless creature, to blurt out the news in that fashion. (Embracing Fanny) Oh, my poor lamb! Has the time come when we must part! She is going to the sacrifice! FANNY: (C.) Nonsense, mamma, Im not a lamb at all; if theres a lamb in the case tis Archibald; and there is no sacrifice, at least on my part, for I feel he is too good for me, and if I cannot be the happiest wife in the world it will be my own fault. MRS. T: My dear child, these are dangerous sentiments in a young married woman. For Heavens sake keep them to yourself! Dont let your husband hear em. Your happiness depends upon securing the upper hand. During the first week or two of marriage all men are weak; he will be submissive, keep him so. Once you get him down keep him down. Let him once get up and you will never get him down again! Married life is a game of bluff. The player that can frighten the other into laying down the cards, takes up the stakes. Keep the upper hand, my love. (Goes up L.) FANNY: Poor, dear Archie, good as gold and true as steel! (To R. C.) I had rather be his slave than Queen of the rest of his sex. (Enter Biddles dressed as a page D.L.F.) BID: (Announcing) Yers Captain Yawley Fribbles and Miss Simperly has been an come. PERS: (Down R.) Who invited that boy here? MRS. T: I borrowed him of Silas Auldjo for the day. (Up L.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: Look out for your spoons. MRS. T: Well, since the fatal hour has arrived. Brother John, you will give your arm to the bride. (Exit with Miss Silsbee and Dexter. Miss Sniff and bridesmaids follow. ) JOS: (Aside to Fanny R of her. Giving her a card) Hist! Missread it quicktis from Mr. Archibald. (Exeunt all but Fanny, Josephine, Virginia and Persimmons D. L. F.) FANNY: (Reads apart) I am in the pantrydo let me see you for one minute Poor boy! (Aloud. ) Uncle John, read that! (Up C. to Josephine.) PERS: (Reading the card. ) So! It is from bridegroom. (Passes it to Virginia ) FANNY: Josephine can smuggle him up the back stair case. (With Josephine up stage ) VIRG: If your mother suspected his presence in the house, she would be scandalized. FANNY: You can make some excuse for my delay. I wont let him stop 5 minutes. (She speaks aside to Josephine. Exit Josephine R.H. at back Fanny up looking out. ) PERS: (Aside to Virginia ) I have reason to believe that he wishes to confide to her, before their marriage, a secret with which his conscience is oppressed. (Bringing her to C.) VIRG: A secret! PERS: Hush! An old love affair which has ratherahem!embarrassing results. Archibald desires, no doubt, to make a clean breast of it before taking in a new tenant. (Turning to go up C.) (Re-enter Josephine R.H. at back. Fanny coming down L. ) JOS: (After looking around. ) All right, sir.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll (Enter Archibald. Exit Josephine R. ) ARCH: Dear Fanny! Oh! (Seeing Pers. And Vir. He stops. ) FANNY: Dont be afraid; tis only Uncle John and Aunt Virgy. I showed them your message. PERS: (C. back to audience Virginia on his arms.) And I approve of your purpose. I applaud the honorable compunction you entertain to forming new ties until you have plucked from the heart a rooted sorrow. ARCH: (Bewildered) I have not got any sorrow with roots. PERS: (Points to a rose in his button-hole) But you may have a rose that has, eh? Roots that reach to your heart. I say a rose. You see, I understand. ARCH: Then I wont detain you to explain. PERS: Archibald, you are doing the right thing. (Shaking his hand.) (Exit with Virginia D.L.F. Fanny crosses slowly to R. ) FANNY: What does he mean? ARCH: (Looking after them.) The intoxication of the moment has been too much for a man of his years. (Turns.) No wonder. It is too much for me! (Down to C.) FANNY: How you tremble! ARCH: Yes; I am full of it! I am one big pulse all over. It is not fright exactly, only it stops my breath and makes me feel quite faint. FANNY: (Placing chair.) Would you like to take something? ARCH: Yes. (Sits.) What have you to give me? FANNY: Oh, dear! What shall I do? (Passing behind chair to his L.) There is nothing herebutArchie, dear(Kisses him. )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: Ah! (Rising. Catches her in his arms Drops in chairshe on her knees. ) FANNY: (With her head on his breast.) Oh! This is very wrong! Are you better? ARCH: Dont despise me for this! You dont think me a fool, do you? FANNY: If I should spend the rest of my life in telling you what I think, I could not express half the pride and joy I shall feel in belonging to you. ARCH: That is what I fear! You will find out what I am when it is too late. FANNY: Find what? (Withdraws. ) Have you been guilty of something? Is there a skeleton in your cupboard? ARCH: A skeleton? FANNY: I mean some undivulged enormity you want me to share. ARCH: Oh, Fanny of what do you suspect me? FANNY: Nothing. (Putting her hand on his shoulder.) I was in hopes! You only lack one heroic demerit to be sublime. ARCH: What charm can such a girl as you are find in me? I know I am full of imperfections. FANNY: Those first attracted me! The weakness of your heart overcame mine, for I could not love a man who had no redeeming faults. You do not know how good you are. You want a more selfish self to combine with your nature, as they say quicksilver combines with gold in the ore and serves to extract the more precious metal. Ill be your quicksilver. Do you understand? ARCH: No; but it is sweet! Go on! FANNY: (Toying with the lapel of his coat ) Other young men appeared to me so full of themselves, there was no room for another idol in their selfish hearts. Their loves, like

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll their buttonholes, seemed worn as an ornamentstuck on with a pin and changed daily. But you never had a love till you had mine, had you? ARCH: Nothing like this! (Puts arm around her.) FANNY: And if I had not made love to you as I am making it now, you would never have had the courage to make me happy. ARCH: Other fellows do it before marriage; perhaps I shall do better afterwards. (She releases herself.) And you, Fanny, have you never had a lover? FANNY: Yes, dear, fiftybuttonholes, every one of them. ARCH: But none of them reached as high as your heart? FANNY: They never reached higher than my waist, nor lasted longer than a round dance. ARCH: Oh, sweet assurance! (Rising and raising her.) Why cannot such mutual pledges suffice to bind our lives together? Why must we parade out oaths, pouring into the worlds ears what we scarcely dare to whisper in our own? Offering to the grimace of the crowd our tenderest emotions. This marriage ceremony feels more like a pillory than a sacrament; I fear and loathe the ordeal, dont you? FANNY: No, dear. I am on ly a woman, and so long as I am by your side, I dont care for all the rest. (Re-enter Josephine. Josephine takes bridal veil from toilette and puts it on Fanny ) JOS: Your mother is calling for you, Miss. FANNY: Good -bye, Archie. (Taking his hand.) Why, you look as if this was the most miserable instead of the happiest day of your life! In half an hour we meet, never to part again. Take courage. (She holds up her face to him) ARCH: I will. (Kisses her)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll (Josephine L. of Fanny on her knees.) (Enter Constant Tiffe D. L. F.) C. T: Ho! FANNY: Oh! (She runs out D. R.) (Archie to R.) C.T: (L.) Whats this? Were they rehearsing the performance? JOS: (C. T.) Yes, sir. C.T: Then you had no business on the stage. (Catches her round the waist. ) What part were you playing? JOS: Propriety (Disengaging herself and putting chair up. ), if you please, sir. Come, Mr. Archibald. (Her muslin apron remains in his hand; she runs out, followed by Archibald D. R.) C.T: (Going up into inner room and looking off.) What a provoking eye the witch has! And a trim figure, too! With a little fitting out, a fellow might pass her off for a ladyat a distance. (Enter Mrs. Constant Tiffe D. L. F.) MRS. C.T: (Down C.) My mourning is the remark of everybody. I knew it would make a sensation! They all notice I avoid Tiffe. My indifference makes him furious; but I am too proud to make the slightest move towards an explanation. Oh! There he is. I thought I should find him here. (Tiffe thrusts the apron into his breast. Comes down R. C. ) C.T: Do you think, Madame, you display a decent feeling towards your sister, or good taste towards our acquaintance by appearing at her wedding in that dress, and thereby parading our private affairs, to invite remarks? MRS. C.T: What remarks?

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: You desire to intrude our quarrel on public notice. MRS. C.T: I am not ashamed of my part in it. C.T: That is not the question. The part you are playing now in your mothers house is an outrage on your own family. MRS. C.T: I cannot wear a face or a dress that does not fit me, out of respect to anyone, there is nothing false about me. (Crosses to R.) C.T: You deceive yourself; you are false at this moment. That dress is put on for effect. Your temper is a mask, under which you conceal the remorse you suffer while you commit the outrage you defend. MRS. C.T: Oh, I know, in your eyes, I am full of imperfections. Tis only another mans wife who can be gentle, or good, or lovely(Begins to cry. ) C.T: Now you are talking nonsense. You know I never looked at another woman. I am incapable of it. MRS. C.T: Then why did you tell me that you spent last Tuesday night at you r club, when you never went near the place? C.T: Why did you so far forget yourself, as to parade the street opposite my club all night, to play detective on your husband! MRS. C.T: You did not come home until one in the morning; respectable people dont keep such hours, Where were you all that time? C.T: I told you where I had been. MRS. C.T: I have only your word for that. C.T: You did not come home until two in the morning; where were you all that time? MRS. C.T: Looking for you.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: I have only one word for that. MRS. C.T: Oh! He dares to suspect his wife! (To R.) C.T: Oh! She pretends to suspect her husband! (To L.) MRS. C.T: Pretends! C.T: Yes, madam. These fits of suspicion, which were periodic, are becoming constitutional. Self-torment is now your normal state, suffering your only enjoyment, until, I do believe, you would be gratified to discover proofs of my infidelity. MRS. C.T. There is no love without jealousy. (Crosses to L.) C.T: There is no comfort without warmth. But that is no reason you should set my house afire. MRS. C.T: Oh, I cant argue with you; you are a lawyer; you are too subtle for me. But I have a womans instinct, Tiffe. Oh! And I feel C.T: Oh, Lord! That is enough! MRS. C.T: Yes, sir, I feel C.T: You feel for yourself. I wish you would feel for me a little. (Up to toilette.) MRS. C.T: Oh, Constant! (He turns.) What sympathy did your show for me when you saw me so miserable? C.T: I was afraid of encouraging your maladysympathy is so provocative. MRS. C.T: (Coming down.) You knew II wanted only one kind word to bring me down, but you were glad of an excuse to quarrel. C.T: Now, Sophie, you know I love you. (Puts arm around her ) MRS. C.T: Oh, oh, I have been so unhappy. (Weeping. )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: So have I. MRS. C.T. I have not closed my eyes for the last two nights. (Sobbing. Lays head on his shoulders ) C.T: No more have I. MRS. C.T: (Smiling. ) Then you snored to deceive me? C.T: Eh? Oh yes, so I did. MRS. C.T: Oh, ho, ho! What fools we are! C.T: (Drying her tears with Josephines apron, discovers his error. ) Oh, we are, we are! (Embraces her while he puts the apron into his coat pocket.) Sophie, will you promise me never t o be jealous again? MRS. C.T: Never, dear, never. C.T: Then I forgive you. MRS. C.T: I never thought we should make it up, Constant (Going up to door, he to R. ) Ill run up stairs and change my dress. C.T: Shall I send home for the one you had made for the wedding? MRS. C.T: (Turning at the door. ) II brought it with me. (Exit D. L. F.) C.T: What an amiable confession! She is a simple child of nature, perverted by her love for me. (Going up to toilette. ) She idolizes me. Any man who has been made an idol of, knows what a wooden thing it makes of a fellow to be stuck up and worshipped. Poor thing! (Stops at the toilette glass as he passes it, twists his moustache and settles his hai r) He! He! Ha! Poor th ing! (Exit D. L. F.) (Enter Josephine R. at back Biddles )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll JOS: (To Biddles. ) Come in; we can see them from this window. (They go to window at side. ) There they go! Theres Miss Fanny and old Persimmons. Dont my young lady look beautiful? BID: Oh, lovely! She is a picture! JOS: She is a picture, and I made it? She is going to have the marriage knot tied. BID: But I thought there was agoin to be two of em bounced! Wheres tother one? JOS: She was married this morning to Mr. Persimmons. BID: The early worm co tched the worm, didnt she? JOS: Being a bride, it aint etiquette for her to attend another wedding the same day. BID: Had enough of it? JOS: I am going along with them on their bridal tour. There will be Mr. and Mrs. Persimmons of the party. I shall see it all. BID: Oh, how nice! JOS: Miss Fanny could not get on without me. (Advancing a little to C., servants following.) Oh, only to think that just at this very minute maybe shes on the wery werge of bein somebody else. Miss Fanny is meltin into Mrs. Archibald Meek. She is put into a church door Miss Fanny, and in five minutes she comes out another person. Its like conjuring. Only to think, as none of us know what we are going to be. Aint it awful suspense? BID: (L.) Id like to get it over. JOS: If Mr. Meek dont make her happy, hanging will be too good for him. BID: (C.) Oh, he aint like them Tiffes. I know he aint. Cos I seen him with that French galhow sweet he was to her.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll JOS: Seen Mr. Meek with a French gal? (Up to him.) BID: Werent I there last night at his rooms, after the French girl got settled down? A real splendid lady she is. She cant speak a word of English. She arrived yesterday at our office, but Mr. Archibald he hurried her away to his place. ALL: Oh, my gracious! BID: And didnt I stop there over arf an hour, nussin the baby JOS: A baby!! BID: Whats the squeal? One would think Id been nussin a torpedo. (Little to R.) JOS: You miserable little viper! You Spitz dog! (Seizing him and backing him to R.) Say it aint true say it aint true! (Enter Rosalie D. L. F.) BID: I say it is true!and there(Points to Rosalie ) why therethere she is. (Josephine turns, discovers Rosalie and recoi ls. ) ROSA: Pardon Mesdemoiselles. (Sees Biddles) Ah, cest le petit Beedles. BID: There! You see she knows me. (Crossing up to Rosalie ) Good day, maam. (Josephine joins girls.) ROSA: Plus de doute, mon mari est ici. (Josephine moves round stage to R. up. The girls following her and all keeping their eyes fixed on Rosalie.) (Speaks aside with Biddles, they cross to window ) JOS: What business has that woman in this house? Im afraid something awful is going to happen.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll BID: Theres Mudgeon at the door in a cab, with the baby. He beckons to me. (To Rosalie ) Ah! I see what you mean. I am to go down and take care of little Archie? Nussee Kiddee. ROSA: Oui. BID: All right, maam. (Going D. L. F.) JOS: (Up to him. ) Stop, what did you say is the name of that ladys infant? BID: Archie! (Exit Biddles D. L. F.) JOS: Oh! (They look at Biddles as he goes out in consternation ) Her business here is plain enough now: she is going to face the bride and spoil the wedding! (Advancing a littlegirls the same.) Ah! You wicked, wicked creature! These French are so artful. ROSA: Quest -ce que c est que weeket, weeket? JOS: Go awaydonobody will believe you. (All back R. to R. C. Enter Mudgeon D. L. F.) MUD: Thank Heaven! The house is emptynot a soul here except Josephine. (To Josephine and the rest ) Leave us. JOS: Oh! Mr. Mudgeon, aint it awful! MUD: Get out, I tell you! And hold your tongues, if that is possible. (Exeunt Josephine R. at back.) ROSA: Quest -ce quelles ont? Mon Dieu! Cet anneau. (Showing him the ring Persimmons gave him) Comment cet aneeau est -il trouv a votr e doigt? MUD: (R. wringing his hands in helpless despair ) Talk Englishdo try. She cant. (Rosalie goes up, looks aboutthen down to window.) What has come to her I cannot imagine! Mr. Walter left me with her while he was at the wedding. I gave the child that

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ring to play withthe ring Mr. Persimmons presented to me yesterday. No sooner did the young mother set eyes upon it than she turned pale and had a fit. When she recovered, all trembling and sobbing, she produced from her desk another ringthe counterpart of mine. I could not understand a word of her French gabble. So, she started out to find someone here in this house she calls Mary. ROSA: Oui, mon mari! MUD: There she goes again. Theres no Mary here! ROSA: Cet anneau, je lai recu de ma mre. MUD: What has a mare to do with it? That is my ringring! Comprenez? ROSA: Ringdeux ring! (Holds up two rings) MUD: Two rings ROSA: Dis a ma mre. MUD: Shes on that mare again! ROSA: Dat autre MUD: That other. We are getting on, now. ROSA: Appartenait was. MUD: Was a partneryou mean it is just like it. So it is! ROSA: To mon pre. MUD: Of course, two are a pair. ROSA: (Aside) Il est bon, mais est-il bte! (To L.) MUD: Poor thing! Her education has been sadly neglected. They never taught the girl a word of English. (To R.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ROSA: (Seeing writing materials at table L. H.) Ah! Voila! Je men vais ecrire. (Sits and writes hastily.) MUD: If I am found here with her, how shall I explain her away? What will the people think? I dare not tell the truth. What is she at now? To whom is she addressing that letter? (Reads over her shoulder. ) Mr. Auldjo. ROSA: (Looking up and pointing to the name ) My mari. MUD: Your Mary! Oh! Your husband. ROS: Oui, husband! MUD: What sort of country is it where a husband is called a Mary! (Taking the letter.) He shall have it. (Re-enter Josephine R. at back. ) MUD: It is too late! There they are! Is there no room in the house to which you can take her until I can have a word with Mr. Walter? ROS: Ah, oui Walter. Gautier JOS: I can take her to mine. This way; come. ROS: He is dere? MUD: Yes, your Mary wee bon. (Putting her to R.) All right; lock her in. ROSA: Ah, enfin! (Exit with Josephine R. at back. ) MUD: Now to find Mr. Walter. I suppose this letter will explain about this ring. It is very strange(Music outside. Cheers. ) What is going on now? (Runs to window ) The bridal party is returning from church. They must not find me here. (Exit at backoff R.) (Enter Persimmons D. L. F.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: So that is over! Fanny is all self-possession, and poor Archibald seemed to be covered with confusion and with blushes. Who would have thought that timid bridegroom was such a practiced Don Juan under the rose! The following was struck from the original prose. MUD: Mr. Persimmons, you gave me a ring. PERS: So I did. MUD: There is a history attached to the ring. PERS: Hush, you rogue, hush! MUD: But there is no hush, sir! Are you aware that another ring, its counterpart, exists and has been discovered? I am called on to explain how I came by the one you gave me. PERS: Imimpossible! Who claims the right to call you to account? MUD: A lady named Laborde. PERS: (Staggering back) Laborde! Are you mad? Sheshe is dead! MUD: She lives! She has the twin ring in her possession, and for mercy sake, sir, whats the matter? Dont faint! PERS: I--I wont, if I can help it. You are sure of what you say? MUD: She is here in London, with her child. PERS: Here! II heard she died giving birth to it, and both mother and child MUD: Are flourishing, I assure you. But why should that news affect you? PERS: Whyas you remarkha! ha! Hush! (Enter Josephine)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll JOS: (Aside to Mudgeon) She is safe under lock and key. Go down and release Biddles, take the cab round the corner to the next street; leave the rest to me! (Exit Mudgeon, followed by Josephine) PERS: Rosalie Laborde alive! Alive! But in that case, what have I done this morning? I have married Virginia, while that terrible French woman, to whom I was united in a moment of infatuation twenty years ago, lives! Lives to convict me! Thats what she has lived for! Lived for twenty years anonymously, watching with feline patience, biding her infernal time to pounce upon me, and the time has come! What can I do? The carriage is waiting at the door to convey Virginia and me on our bridal tour; our trunks are packed upon it, and a file of servants and friends stand on guard below us to see us off. There is no escape! If I confess at once the horrible truth, it will publish her shame, my crime, and break her faithful heart! If I dont, she will become the victim of the situation. (Enter Virginia ) VIRG: Now, John, dear, I am quite ready. PERS: (Aside) Oh, Tantalus, your torment was refreshing compared with mine! VIRG: How pale you are, dear! Are you ill? PERS: Yesverynothat isnot at all! VIRG: I know you are ill! My darling, what is the matter? (Goes to embrace him) PERS: (Avoiding her) Nothing. (Aside) None of that! Fortitude has its limits. Give the devil an inch, and he will take an ell. VIRG: You cannot deceive me. PERS: (Aside) Cant I? VIRG: You confessed you had taken no breakfastit is mid-dayand with all you have gone through you must be nearly dead.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: (Aside) That is the only remedy for my caseand yours. VIRG: The wedding breakfast is ready. Comeor we can have a quiet chop together in my room. PERS: No! I prefer apublicI mean-(Enter bridesmaids, Constant and Mrs. Tiffe, Archie and Fanny, Mrs. Tarbox and Mrs. Silsbee, Dexter, and Miss. Sniffe) MRS. TAR: I am gratified to pronounce the whole affair a perfect success, although Mr. Meeks confusion disconcerted the gravity of the minister. How could you be so foolish? What were you thinking of? ARCH: I was thinking, madam, that any man who was receiving the solemn assurance of your daughters love, could not be making a fool of himself. MRS. C. T: (Crosses to him.) Archibald, you may kiss me for that. (Kisses him) FANNY: (Aside) I do declare, he is able to take care of himself. MISS. SN: Upon my word! The fashions of the period are amazing. Young girls kiss young men under their husbands noses. He, he. (Sniffs) MRS. C. T: Perhaps, in your period, they kissed them when their husbands backs were turned. Our morals, like our dresses, are tightfitting, and show the make MISS. SNIFF: With the help of padding, my dear, moral as well as physical. C.T: My dear, Miss Sniff, will you allow me to take you down to breakfast? MISS SNIFF: Of coursethank you! I am expected to make myself useful. He, he. What am I to do? C.T: Mix the salad. MISS SNIFF: He, he. (Sniffs. Go up to L.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll (Music outside.) MRS. TAR: John, will you take the foot of the table? Constant will propose the brides health; Mr. Meek will respond. (Exit D. L. F., Mrs. Silsbee and Dexter following. ) ARCH: Oh, Lord! I forgot all about that. MRS. C.T: Confusion will be your best eloquence. FANNY: Say you are speechless with joy. PERS: Yes; the sooner we are off the better, the train will start in an hour. (Going up to C.) MRS. C.T: (Coming down L of her.) Constant and I have invited ourselves to join the party. PERS: The more the merrier. (Exits D. L. F.) MRS. C.T: We are going to have a honeymoon on our own account. C.T: We shall arrive at the lovely seaside village of Shellbeach just in time for dinner. (Exit Mr. and Mrs. C.T.) FANNY: Now, Archie, is the moment to give the bridesmaids your presents. ARCH: Wouldnt it come better from you? FANNY: Nonsense. ARCH: I am so nervousdo help me. FANNY: (To the bridesmaids. ) My dears, we are so much obliged to you for your kind assistance. (Goes to toilette and gets ring case ) ARCH: Kind assistance awfully kindveryso much.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FANNY: Mr. Meek hopes you will accept these rings in memory of the occasion. (She opens a large case in which the rings appear. Gives case to 1st bridesmaid. ) ALL THE BRIDESMAIDS: Oh! Mr. Meek, how beautiful! ARCH: Not at all dont mention itI hope FANNY: He hopes ARCH: They will fit. FANNY: (Laughing aside ) Goose! (Aloud. ) And will serve as wedding rings to you all, before the year is out. ARCH: Yes; they will serve you all out beforeI am indeed FANNY: (Aside to him. ) Now, my love, they are waiting. ARCH: What for? (Slowly crosses her to C.) FANNY: You must put the rings on. ARCH: Put them on? FANNY: Certainly, and then you will give each of them a kiss. ARCH: What! Kiss them all round? FANNY: They expect it. ARCH: Of course, if it is the right thing to do, but I was not prepared. (He stands regarding the file of girls ) FANNY: (Laughing to herself ) Bless him, what a darling he is. ARCH: (Approaching first girl. ) II beg your pardon. (Places a ring on her finger and kisses her. Same business with 2d. ) So good of you. (Same with 4th) Awfully obliged. (Stops at Miss Sniff, hesitates as Archie puts on the rings the case is passed from one bridesmaid to another Archie takes the case from 4th bridesmaid S niffe looks in it he then returns it to bridesmaid -when she exits she leaves it on the toilette.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MISS SNIFF: Oh, of course, there are no more rings in the case. ARCH: Accept this. (Draws one from his hand.) It may not bring you a husband, but it will remind you, you are not friendless. (Kisses her, crosses to Fanny and says, aside to her ..) Poor, old thing, she receives so little attention. FANNY: Now, girls, I must change my dress. You must all come with me Archie, you will await me here. (Exit Fanny and Bridesmaids R. D. ) MISS SNIFF: Mr. Meek, you will not believe me when I assure you, no man has ever kissed me until this day. ARCH: I do believe it. (Taking her hand. ) MISS SNIFF: (L. crossing to him.) Thank you. (Sniffs) (Exit D. L. F.) ARCH: It feels like a dream. Is it possible she is mine, all mine, and I am going to take her away. I am glad Persimmons and Tiffe, and Virginia, and Sophia will be there. Because, just at first it will help me along. (Enter Walter D. L. F.) WAL: My dear Archie, I have received an answer from Australia. ARCH: Have they cabled you the name? WAL: No, here is the message. (Reads telegram) Negative of the portrait exists ticketed with the name of sitter, in possession of Samuel Wilkins, photographer, Shellbeach. ARCH: The very place to which we are going this afternoon. WALT: I have scarcely time to run home, pack my valise and reach the train. ARCH: I congratulate you heartily.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WALT: I shall meet you all at the station. Huzza, old chap! Bless you, Archie! Tol -de-rol! (Dances and embraces Archie. ) Ha! Ha! Fol -de-rol! La! La! La! La! (Waltzes Archie around and sings ) (Enter Josephine R. at b ack. ) JOS: Please, sir, Miss Fanny is ready andOh! (Walter, slipping from Archie, catches her and Waltzes her round and sings ) Oh, sir, please, Mr. Walter. WALT: (Singing) Tr-la-la-fol-de-rol. (As they dance up to door the 2nd time, e nter Silas and Mrs. Tarbox.) Tra! La la! My dear Mrs. Tarbox, a discovery of great importance, which I cannot explain, must excuse my effervescence. MRS. T: Champagne and the occasion are your best eloquence. Josephine, you leave my service this day. JOS: Yes maam, but you forget, Ive been in Mr. Archibald Meeks for the last half an hour. (To Archie.) Please, sir, my mistress sent me to say she is ready to start. Will you come to her room? (Exit R. at back. ) MRS. C.T: Impertinent minx! (Crosses to R.) WAL: (Aside to Silas. ) I am obliged to leave town, sir, at once, upon business. (Dancing up to him ) SILAS: (L. C.) What business can take you away? WAL: Private family affairs. I cannot say more at present. SILAS: What can the boy mean. WAL: I am in search oftol, derol, la, la,--another father. SILAS: Anoth WAL: Yes, you see (Embracing him. )you have been so cruel to me, --tra, la, la,--I have so small a share of your heart. SILAS: Walter, my boy!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WAL: You have been so ungenerous, denied me so many things. Tol, derol tol! SILAS: Do you hear him? WAL: Good bye, Mrs. Tarbox. Archie, we shall meet at Phillipi. Good bye, Dad. (Exit dancing) SILAS: Am I in my senses? MRS. T: No, you never were or you had not spoiled that boy as you have done. I have no patience with such extravagance of feeling. Mr. Meek! (Mrs. T. exit with Archibald R. D.) SILAS: He said he was in search of another father. Another father! Can he have discovered the secret of his birth? Oh, I must see Virginia at once. She must be warned of this impending danger. I have noticed something strange and constrained in Walters manner towards me of late. Here is the explanation. He has discovered my imposture; he knows he is not my son(Enter Virginia) Madam, for mercys sake! Grant me a few minutes. VIRG: Impossible. John is at the door. (She takes her shawl and hat. ) SILAS: The secret you confided to me, that has lain unknown for so many years, I fear has been discovered. VIRG: Discovered! Have you betrayed me? SILAS: The suspicion, madam, is an offence to honor of the firm. VIRG: Discovered! Oh what will become of me! SILAS: (Receiving her in his arms. ) Dont faint, please dont Virginia! Mrs. Persimmons only reflect--if anyone should see you thuscontrol yourself for my sake. (Enter Persimmons D. L. F.) For your own for Heavens sake. (Sees Persimmons.) Oh! (Putting her on sofa R. )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: I feared it would come to this at last. She has been repressing her emotion all day taking it too easy. (Crosses to her.) Virginia, Virgy dear, come you must not give way. She is only now beginning to realize the extent of her happiness. I am too much for her. There, there recover yourself. These devoted hearts are strong against despair but are vanquished by success. Come! Thats well. (Gets smelling salts from toilette .) SILAS: (Aside ) What will become of us both when he learns the truth. How will it all end? This emotional business is not in our line at all. Why did I ever undertake it? PERS: You feel relieved? VIRG: Oh John. Forgive mewill you forgive me? SILAS: Oh dear (Aside) She is going to confess, what shall I do! (Enter Mr. and Mrs. C. Tifffe) Thank Heaven! Here is a reprieve. (Crosses to R. C.) C.T: The carriages are waiting to convey us to the station. (Enter Fanny, Mrs. Tarbox, Archie and Bridesmaids, Miss Sniff and female servants from back R. Male servants appear at door L. flat. Josephine from back R. The bridesmaids present themselves for a moment at the breakfast.) We have no time for long speeches. ARCH: What a relief! MRS. T: Oh, my lamb! Must we part? FANNY: Oh, there mamma, please dont make a scene! Good-bye! (Kisses her) (To Silas. ) Good bye, dear friend. (To Miss Sniffe. ) Good bye, you old dear! SILAS: Bless you both. SERVANTS: Good-bye, Miss Fanny! God bless you! ARCH: Farewell, Mr. Tarbox! MRS. T.: Oh, go away, do! (As Fanny and Archie go up and out, the crowd at the door cheer. They are followed by Virginia and Persimmons. Mrs. Tarbox supported by Miss Sniffe and Mrs. Silsbee. All exeunt but Mr. and Mrs. C.T. and Silas. Exeunt Fanny and

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll Archie, Persimmons and Virginia, Bridesmai ds, Mrs.T. and 2 friends, Jos. a nd servants. ) MRS. C.T: Constant, I dont think any couples will be more happy than we. C.T: My angel! The loveliest in Heavens sphere is missing there when you are here. MRS. C.T: Squeeze my hand! (Exeunt D. L. F.) (Enter Josephine D. L. F.) JOS: Oh, dear! Oh, dear! SILAS: What is the matter? JOS: Mrs. Tarbox, sir, overheard something Biddles said to me and she has got him in the pantry, squeezing the truth out of him. SILAS: What truth? JOS: About Mr. Archies French lady. SILAS: Oh, Lord! (Crosses to L.) (Enter Mrs. Tarbox, dragging in Biddles. ) BID: Oh, please, maam, please dont! MRS. T: There is your master! Now tell the truth! You say this French lady came here to this house. BID: And she aint gone yet. MRS. T: Josephine, conduct that lady here to my presence. JOS: Yes, maam. (Shouts below. Exit Josephine) MRS. T: My dear, Mr. Auldjo, your hair will stand on end when you hear this boys story. BOD: Oh, he knows all about it.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. T: What! He! Mr. Auldjo knows all about it? SILAS: Gracious maam! Do consider the moment. (Enter the crowd of bridesmaids, Miss Sniff. They run to the window. Mrs. Tar goes up C. comes down at end of L. waits. ) ALL: There they go! Theres Fanny! (Cheers outside. ) SILAS: Recollect he is your son-in-law now. MRS. T: Did he recollect that yesterday? And it appears you knew of his turpitude; you knew it. Answer, has this boy lied? SILAS: No; he has told the truth. (Enter Celia) ALL: Theres Virginia. (Shouts. ) And they are cheering the brides. Good bye, Fanny. (They throw bouquets and flowers out of the window, wave their handkerchiefs. ) (Enter Josephine and Rosalie R. back. ) MRS. T: Are you aware maam, that your presence here is an insult to my house. Whom did you come to see? ROSA: Mon mari. MRS. T: (L. C.) Your husband! You dare to call him so. ROSA: Oui, madame. Ah! Dieu est-ce quelle croit queRegardez donc (Crosses to L.C. Points to her wedding ring ) Osez donc dire que je nai pas le droit de le porter. (Mrs. Tarbox looks at ring ) MRS. T: (R. C.) His wife--she says she has the right to wear that wedding ring; that she is his lawful wife! And he has married my child! The wolf is bearing my lamb to his den. (Sits on sofa R.) (Miss Sniffe, Mrs. Dexter and Mrs. Silsbee cross rapidly to Mr. Tarbox.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ALL: They are off! They are off! (Shouts outside. The bridesmaids and girls throw their shoes out of the w indow. ) MRS. T: Oh! Oh! Ho! Ho! Ho! (She falls into hysterics on sofa.) (Enter Mudgeon D. L. F. Rosalie runs to him) SILAS: (To Mudgeon) Take her away, quick! (Getting R. C.) MISS. SNIFFE: Oh dear! Whats the matter? (Mudgeon getting Rosalie to D. F.) (Josephine and Miss Sniffe attend on Mrs. Tarbox. Shouts and Music outside. An act drop falls) ACT III The garden attached to the Shell Beach Hotel. A villa R.H. The hotel is seen through the trees on L. Enter from one side L. opening, a porter carr ying luggage. Josephine from the other enters from the villa R. ) JOS: That is no out luggage! We have received ours, excepting one bonnet box. Ah, here it is! (Takes a bonnet box from the porter.) The rest belongs to Mrs. Persimmons, the lady who occupies parlor and bedroom number 16, in the hotel yonder. (Exit porter L. up, she follows him, speaking) Please tell the lady that Miss Fanny I mean Mrs. Meekis dressing and will be pleased to see her here. (Returns) What a sweet turtle dove cot, and how good of Mr. Meek to have sent a forehand to secure it. (Put chair forward. Sits R. C.) Oh, dear. This is just the kind bower I should like to be took to by the young man of my art. (Takes out hat and begins to arrang e it) Miss Fanny dont consider what my sentiments will be a standing by and watching their billing and cooing. (Enter Tiffe U. E. L.) I shall feel like a super in a play or a chorus singer in the opera; while the principals, in the foreground, are having it all to themselves, I, in the background, look on and encourage the scene, singing, Howheloves herhow sheloves himOh, yesher, himshe, he they love, oh, howthey love! Aint it aggravating? Aint it

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: Too much for human nature. (Kisses her) JOS: Mr. Tiffe! What are you a doing of? C.T: I am taking a part in the chorus! JOS: The bass part? C.T: Josephine, you are an angel. The loveliest in Heavens sphere is missing there when you are here. JOS: On 27 pounds a year, and every Sunday out! C.T: I have something here (Touches his breast) to confide to you. Can you keep a secret? (Bringing her down a little.) JOS: No, sir. There is only one thing I can keep C.T: What is that? JOS: My distance. (Starting to R.) Excuse my plain speaking, Mr. Tiffe; you have a lady that makes very little of herself by making too much of you. Her love leads her to believe that every girl you look at is took with her complaint, so she encourages you to try if her foolscap wont fit all our sex. C.T: Then, it is my wifes fault, if she puts such thoughts in my head. JOS: If there was not plenty of room there, sir, her faults would not be your excuse. C.T: (Taking hold of her.) Ah! That is a pinch! You owe me a kiss for that! I must(As she interposes the bonnet box to defend herself. Enter Mrs. Constant Tiffe) I positively(He takes out the hat and continues)I positively did see this very same hat at Madame Chaumonts window marked three guineas. I(Turns to Mrs. C.T.)oh, my love, what do you think this hat cost? Five pounds! I was saying I admired the very same in Bond street last week, and thought how charming you would look in it! Nay, I must try it on youallow me. JOS: (R. Aside) He is trying it on.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. C.T: (C. Resisting) Nay, Constant, what a fool you are. JOS: Theres a pair of em. C.T: (R. C.) Well, I will not insist; you cannot look more bewitching. There, my good girl. (Hands the hat back to Josephine) (Exit Josephine into villa) MRS. C.T: Constant, I confess, with shame, that as I caught sight of you and t hat girl together, IIoh, how shall I avow my weakness?dont look at mecant you guess? it was only momentary. I felt a pang of my old complaint. C.T: You dont mean to tell me you condescended to suspect. Oh! Oh! (Sits.) MRS. C.T: Only for one minute! Indeed, indeed, the thought was but a spasm, a flash that blinded me; but let my confession absolve mesay you forgive meyou are not angry. C.T: I feel hurt, Sophia, not angry. MRS. C.T: I own I did you wrong. C.T: Because you did yourself injustice! When you suspected me of preferring such a person, as aa waiting maid to the most bewitching of wivesyou depreciate my treasure! (Hand in breast. ) MRS. C.T: I am not a treasure! I am unworthy to possess you exclusively. Of course I know every woman envies me. You cant help that! I often wish that you were deformed disfigured C.T: Oh! MRS. C.T: I would be glad if you were over sixty years of age and bald as a sixpence C.T: Oh! Oh! MRS. C.T: Anything to protect you from invasion by my abominable sex.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: Poor things!you are too hard on them. MRS. C.T: I stood up for women before I was married, but now I know better! I would not trust one of them where you are concerned, and you cannot pretend I am wrong. C.T: Well, when you say that no girl can resist me MRS. C.T: If you gave her encouragement C.T: Oh, that is another question. MRS. C.T: You know they are too willing to mistake courtesy for devotion. C.T: As a rule, it may be true! Yes, I am (some people are) fatally afflicted with attraction. MRS. C.T: Euh! (Sighs. ) C.T: Like magnets we cannot help out inviting natures! But still there are some women few I admitwho are not susceptible to my influence MRS. C.T: I should like you to name one! C.T: Well, your sister Fanny MRS. C.T: Ho! Ho! Do you think she would have taken Meek if she could have had you? (She takes C.T.s arm. ) (Enter Archie.) C.T: Hush! Here he is! (To Archie. ) Where have you been? ARCH: I have beentaking a walk. MRS. C.T: All alone? ARCH: Yes C.T: But where is your wife?

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: I think she is in her room, and I was waiting until she got a little settled. I did not like to intrude. MRS. C.T: Intrude! ARCH: Would you mind going up to her and saying MRS. C.T: I think your presence would be more welcome. C.T: We are going for a stroll in the woods. (Going up C. arm in arm and circling to R.) ARCH: Delightful!wait. (Going towards house ) We can go with you. MRS. C.T: (Aside. ) I do believe he is afraid of finding himself alone with her. ARCH: I know she would like it. C.T: I dont think she would. (They nod at Archie and smile ) MRS. C.T: You must have so many things to say to each other. (Circling to L.) ARCH: Nothing whatever, I assure you. MRS. C.T: Come into the drawing room dear. You shall sit beside me while I play you the melodies you used to be so fond of. C.T: (Aside. ) Oh Lord! MRS. C.T: And you shall make love to me, and Ill play so loud nobody can hear what you sayjust as we used to dooh! Wont it be sweet. C.T: Delicious. MRS. C.T: (As they go out. ) Constant! I am the happiest woman in the world. C.T: Angel! Th e loveliest in Heavens sphere is missing there when you are here. MRS. C.T: Darling, squeeze my hand. (Exeunt L. U. E. )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: (Standing at the L. corner of Cottage looking after them.) I wonder if all men on their wedding day feel as I do. My happiness has reached a dizzy he ight where I cannot breatheand a delicious fear appalls me when I contemplate my fortune! (Sits R. C. ) She is mine, there is no doubt now. Then why am I troubled? I am so used to the pleasure of hope and to caress a future that I tremble to find my hopes turned into realities and I dare not embrace the present. As we came down here I could not speak to my bridea foolish sob stuck in my throat and when we arrived II stole away to the woods and I had out like a baby. I hope no one will suspect me of such w eakness. (Enter Fanny Cottage R She creeps behind him and places her hand over his eyes) FAN: Truant, are you deserting me already? Why what is this? (Looks at her hands. ) Tears, oh! (She falls kneeling beside him R. and looks up in his downcast face ) Archie, you have been sufferingyour eyes are quite red! What has happened? ARCH: Nothingdo not ask me! FAN: Why should I! For if I knew, I would not know how to console you. I have never had a trouble in my life, except a tight shoe; nor a care that lasted longer than a cotillion. Somehow I seem to walk always on the sunny side of the way. ARCH: Because you made your own sunshine wherever you trod. FAN: I hope you do not think that is all I am good for. Life is not all childs play, and I want to feel I am not a doll. I want to suffer something for your saketo make a sacrificeI want to deserve my happiness by earning it. ARCH: My darling, I hope you are not a heroine! FAN: Sometimes I feel wicked enough for anything! Archie, you remember Jack Wilder, he was the most thoughtless, brightest, giddiest good-for-nothing fellow in our setjust like me! Well, one day a dishonest agency brought ruin on him, and his mother and sisters; the proudest family in the city, were beggared. The good-for -nothing fellow took off his coat at once and set to work. He never lost his good humor, but went in for business with the same happy spirit that he used to go in for mischief. Fortune admired

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll him as I did, and followed at his heel. His family is now more proud of the thous ands he has won, than they were of the million they lost. Archie, my heart looks up to that man. If Jack is a heroI am afraid I am another, forI feel (Rising) I thinkI am made of the same stuff. ARCH: So do Iand as my heart looks up to you, it says you are the more manly of the two. FAN: If you speak slightly of my husband, we shall quarrel. (Cottage R. Enter Josephine. A butler and two waiters appear from L. opening. ) JOS: If you please, missmaam, I mean at what hour will you please to dine? (Archie crosses to R.) FAN: (Aside to Arch ) I never thought of thatdid you? Are you hungry? ARCH: No!Hunger is the last thing that would occur to me. FAN: I suppose we must dine! They expect it! But it will be a nuisance! JOS: Will you order the dinner, maam? FAN: (Aside) Oh dear! What an awful responsibility!I never did such a thing. Heres one of the troubles I pleaded for. (Aloud.) Ahem, Mr. Meekwhat shall it be? ARCH: Please yourself, my dear. Order something light. FAN: Let us havestrawberriesandasome fresh creamandsome shrimpswith watercressand some rice croquettes, flavored with lemonI know you like that, Mr. Meekandoh! I forgotapotato salad. (Looks at Archie.) No, onions, please. (Butler whispers to J osephine. ) JOS: The butler wishes to know what you will drink.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FAN: We shalltakeahemteablack tea. Mr. Meek likes it strong. That will do. (Exit Butler and Waiters L. opening. ) There! I think for a first attempt I got through that pretty well. It will be a seaside kind of dinnernice and picknicky. ARCH: Fanny, I thought those servants smiled significantly. II hope the people here do not know we were married this morning. FAN: I tried to look as married as I could. JosephineI hope they do not suspect us. JOS: Oh no, missI meanmaam. ARCH: (Crosses to C.) Because we dont want to be stared at (Taking Fannys arm.)or mistaken for lovers. Say we are old married folks. JOS: Very good, sir! FAN: Josephine, give me my parasol. (Josephine goes into Cottage for it, Archie moves to L.) What shall we do until dinner time? ARCH: What would you like best? FAN: NoI want you to choose. ARCH: I asked you first. FAN: No! You didntnow dont be disagreeable! I insist on doing what you like. I ordered the dinner. Its your turn now. (Josephine hands her a parasol and retires R. ) ARCH: Is there room for me under your parasol? FAN: Come! (She looks at Josephine, turns away ) What a good girl she is! (He places his arm around her as they go out R. I. E. ) ARCH: There is no one in the wood! FAN: Ah! You feel better now?

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: Yes. (Exeunt R. I. E. ) JOS: (Looking after them.) If they desire to pass for old married folks, they must change that style of playing their parts. (Going into cottage. ) (Silas looks on L. opening. ) SILAS: Hist! JOS: Mr. Auldjo! SILAS: Hush! (He enters. ) Dont breathe my name here. You have a kind and honest face and you will help me. JOS: That I will, sir. SILAS: Go to the hotel and bring Mrs. Persimmons here. I must see her privately. JOS: Here she comes. SILAS: Blessed Chance! (Exit Josephine house R. ) The terrible emotion of this day overwhelms me. The frantic mother-in-law is raging behind me, coming down by the next train to rescue her lamb. Our Walter is ahead of me, exploring my dreadful past. What will become of us all? The firm never passed through such a crisis! (Enter Mrs. Persimmons L. opening. ) My dear lady, I have followed you. I engaged an express trainnever spent twenty pounds so recklessly in all my life but suspense was killing me. If I had not come I should have slept to-night in a lunatic asylum. Have you confessed the truth to your husband? VIR: Not yet. SILAS: You must do so. VIR: I had not the courage. SILAS: My dear friend, we have led a life of imposture and we must suffer the penalty. You may lose a husband. I shall inevitable lose a son. (Virginia goes up to him.) My

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll heart may break, but I will not cheat his any longer. He says he has made a discovery. Well, whatever it may be, I will meet it by an avowal. VIR: You will tell him that I am his mother! SILAS: No, that is your secret. I may not betray it, but I can confess that I am nothis father; that I am aa fraud; have swindled him through life; made fools of his affections, and have played the part ofof aI beg your p ardon. (Turns up the sage to hide his tears ) VIR: Oh, What shall I do? What shall I do? (Up L.) SILAS: Do justice to yourself. You promised me to make a clean breast of it to your husband before your marriage. VIR: I tried, but I could not indeed I did! See, here is a full confession (Produces a letter ), written a week ago, but I could not give it to John, his faith in me was so infinite. SILAS: I wish I could take all the blame and sorrow on myself. VIR: Will you take this letter to him, you can plead for me? SILAS: What have you urged in your own defense? VIR: Nothing. Except that, being without excuse, I am defenseless. (Sits dejectedly tree L. ) SILAS: (Down R. C. Reads letter) My dear John. I have deceived you, and will not accept your faithful heart under false pretenses. Many years ago, while on a visit in America, I was married. My husband left me a widow after six months of misery, and when I found my folly was unknown in England, shame for my inconstancy induced me to conceal the fatal result. (She means Walter. ) I confided my secret to our oldest friend, Silas Auldjo, who, out of pity, consented to pass my child for his own. (It was the first babe I ever held in my arms, and when its little fingers closed round mine I felt my heart open and enfold that rosy life. It is there notit is there now!) (Reads) He married his housekeeper to make a home for my boy. (Of course, I had to provide him

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll with a mother, and she, poor soul, was the only woman I could safely trust with the business. She kept the secret and took it with her to Heaven, good soul honest woman and faithfulGod bless her!) (Reads) I never knew how much I loved you until I tried to love another, but I will not attempt to excuse the falsehood which gives you the right to disbelieve me. This is a pleasant notice to serve a man with in his wedding day! (Goes up.) VIR: (Sobbing) II thought, perhaps, the moment mightmight soften his heart and SILAS: And coat the pill with the sugar of love. (To R. C.) (Enter Walter L. opening. ) WAL: My father! SILAS: (Aside.) Theres the fatal result! WAL: (Aside. ) Has he discovered my marriage? SILAS: Walter, (Walter advances slowly to C. Virginia down L. H.) circumstances must be brought to light that I fear may change our relations. WAL: (Aside) So! Tis coming now! SILAS: A great fraud has been committed WAL: Yes, sir(Down to Virginia.) I am sensible of the false position in which I stand and how you are compromised. SILAS: I allude to the secret marriage WAL: Of course SILAS: And the child WAL: I understand (Getting to C.) VIR: He knows all! WAL: Of course I do!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll VIR: (Overcome) And you forgive me? (Going to him. He retreats a little ) Yes? Oh! Dear--dear boy--how often I have longed to take you to my heart and confess my love my darling Walter! At last I can hold you in my arms. (Embraces him.) WAL: Stop! There must be some mistake. (To R.) SILAS: Eh! I hope soif there could be. (Aside ) If after all he could be my son somehowby mistake. VIR: There can be none!Walter, I am your mother! WAL: My mother! What! (Looks at Silas) Is this true? SILAS: Alas! It is too true. (Perceiving the error in Walters mind ) No! Oh, no! no! Good gracious! No, Im not dont imagine me capable ofoh, dear-WAL: Then will you explain, sir? SILAS: (R.) I thought you knew all about it! IIthis case is so foreign to the legitimate business of the firmthat I get confused in it(Up and down R.) and I dont know whether I am for plaintiff or defendant. WAL: But, sir, are you not my father! SILAS: That is it. It may be when you learn what I am, youyou may cease to regard methat is toto love me as of old. WAL: You are the best, gentlest, and truest of men. SILAS: But II am notI am a lieI am a hypocrite! My whole life has been one fraud. WAL: I wo uld not hear your enemy say so!You jest. SILAS: (To Virginia. ) Tell him the whole truth, I cannot. VIR: Come with meWalter. (She takes him apart. ) SILAS: Gogo with her! (Watching them; apart.) Now he must learn that he has bestowed his affections on an imposter. (Walter and Mrs. Persimmons go off speaking

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll L. opening. ) IfifI could tell by his face (to C. looking after them.)what he feelsof course, his love will now go from meto hertis natural. My eyes are too full of tears to see them. II must restore to her his affections, the(To chair R. C.) the goods I obtained under false pretenses. Then I shall be left alone (Sits, drops in chair.) alone in the world without my boy. Oh! What will become of my life! He was my future(Reenter Walter L. opening. Virginia slowly after him. She remains L. watching the scene.) There he isI dare not look at himI have not a word to say for myself. WAL: I never knew you unti l now. (Advancing to L. of chair.) SILAS: Oh dear! tis coming. WAL: When I think of my pasthow can I look you in the face after all I have heard. SILAS: Forgive me! WAL: Father! (hand on his shoulder.) SILAS: Nodont reproach me with that nameforget it, if you can. WAL: You have taught my heart the word and every pulse will rebel when I attempt to call you by any other. SILAS: And youyou dont love me less? now you know all? WAL: I love you a thousand times more! You ask me to forget the name you taught me to lispwhen I had no claim upon your affection, no title to your heart. Yet, you watched with a mothers tenderness over my childhood. What? Forget the boy lying sick in his little cotand two old men disputing in whispers lovingly over him which should sit up all night beside the sufferer? Forget the faces that beamed with pride on the wanton schoolboy? Forget my youth my manhoodmy happy home? May Heaven forget me, when I do! (Kneels.) SILAS: (Embracing him. ) Dont!dont!no!no! Oh!Iwish Mudgeon was here. I do feel as if I were cheating him of his share. WAL: Dont tremble sodear father!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll SILAS: II cant help it. WAL: Alas! These are not the first tears I have made you shed! (He wipes them away with Silas handkerchief ) SILAS: But always like thesegrateful, happy ones! Other peoplelaugh for joyit is difffifferent with me. II (He falls on Walters neck. Virginia exits. ) My boy! (Enter Mudgeon L. opening. ) MUD: Mr. Walter. SILAS: Mudgeon! (Rises to C.) My conscience is relieved! Our boy k nows all about himself. The weight of years is off my mind and I feel so happy. (Walter up R. C.) MUD: But we must not deprive the mother of her natural yearnings to embrace her offspringto(Enter Persimmons L. Op. S ) Bless me, how dye do, how, ha, ho! Excuse me. (Goes up to Walter.) PERS: Why, what brought you down here? SILAS: (Confused. Crosses to L behind. ) A little business, nothing important. I am so elated, I mean, I will see you later, when I am more compoposed, excuse me. (Exit L. Op. S.) PERS: Is the old man drunk? (Looks after him. ) WAL: (Aside to Mudgeon. ) Rosalie? Here? (Up R. C.) MUD: (Aside. ) She would come, I left her in the hotel, do go to her. WAL: (Aside looking at Persimmons and crosses behind him to L. ) If he only suspected, what a narrow escape I had of being his son. PERS: (Turns and sees him regarding him. Working himself to C. ) With what a strange expression of face he regards me.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WAL: I cannot blame my mother! No! Excuse me. (Exit Op. S ) PERS: Is the young man mad? MUD: (Aside. ) Now to discover what mystery underlies that ring. PERS: Very odd! (Turns and meets Mudgeons R. gaze fixed on him. ) What is the matter with you? MUD: (R.) Mr. Persimmons you gave me a ring. PERS: So I did. MUD: There is a history attached to that ring. PERS: Hush, you rogue, hush. MUD: But there is no hush sir, are you aware that another ring, its counterpart exists, and has been discovered, I am called upon to explain how I came by the one you gave me. PERS: Impossible, anoth ther ring, who claims the right toto call any one to account. MUD: A lady name d Laborde. PERS: (Staggering behind Mudgeon to chair.) Laborde! Are you mad! Sheshe is dead. MUD: She lives, sir. She has the twin ring in her possession and for mercy sake, sir, what is the matter? Dont faint. PERS: II wont if I can help it. You are sure of what you say? MUD: She is come to England with her child. PERS: II heard she died in giving birth to it and both mother and infant MUD: Are flourishing, I assure you but why should this news affect you! (The stage begins to dark as the evening changes to night)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: Very true, as you remark, excuse me. MUD: (Aside) What can he know of our Rosalie? (Aloud) Can I get you anything? PERS: Yes, get out, leave me. (Exit Mudgeon) LabordeRosalie Laborde alive? (Rises.) Alive! But in that case, what have I done this morning? I have married Virginia, while that terrible French woman, to whom I was united in a moment of infatuation, twenty years agoliveslives to convict me. That is what she has been living for. Living anonymously for twenty years, under false pretenses, watching with feline patience, biding her time to pounce upon me, and that time has come. What can I do with my bride? There is no escape from the cruel alternative. If I confess the horrible truth it will publish her shame, my crime and break her faithful heart. If I delay she will become the victim of the situation. (Turns to R.) (Enter Virginia L. Op. S. ) VIR: (Aside) There he is, how shall I accept his caress with this falsehood in my heart. PERS: (Aside) My wife, that isI beg her pardonI mean my innocent victim. What shall I do if she is affectionate. VIR: John, dear. (Slowly advancing.) PERS: (Aside) Oh, Tantalus, your torments were refreshing compared to mine. VIR: The shades of night seem to invite us to exchange our mutual confidences, do they not? PERS: (Aside) No, they dont! (Aloud) They are rather damp, my dear. Suppose we return to the hotel. VIR: John, dearest John. (Embracing him. ) PERS: (Aside) This is what I fear. VIR: My darling, you know how devotedly, how truly I love you (Embracing him.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: Certainly. The conviction is harrowing. I mean somebody may see us. (Removing her arms. Aside) None of that! Fortitude has its limits. Give the devil an inch and he will take an ell. VIR: What is the matter, dear? You seem to shrink from me. (Aside. ) Surely, Silas has not spoken to him. (Aloud. ) You--you have not received anyany bad news? Nothing has happened to cross you? (She starts back to L.) PERS: That is it! Yes, something has happenedsomething terrible. VIR: Oh! PERS: Virginia, if events of vital importance obliged metoto VIR: To do what? PERS: To return to town at onceto-night VIR: Yes, I understand PERS: You would not blame me? VIR: No! I should go with you! (Going to him and dropping her head on his breast.) (Josephine enters the room in cottage R. with lamps. Night. Enter butler and servants R. with dinner, which they serve in cottage) PERS: (Aside) No escape in that direction! VIR: Dinner is served in our room! PERS: (Aside) I will not be left in her society without a witness. (Aloud) I invited Mr. Auldjo to join us. VIR: Dear old Silas! I regard him as one of the family. PERS: (Aside) I will confide my secret to him, and then leave him with her to explain why I abscond. (Crosses to L.) VIR: (Aside. ) I will leave them together after dinner so Silas will explain in my absence.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll (Persimmons gives him arm and Exeunt) JOS: That will doI can wait on my master and mistress. (Exeunt butler and servants cottage R Looking out) I hope they have not forgotten all about it. Nohere they come. (She re-enters cottage, and presently reappears in room above the lights. She draws curtains) (Enter Archie and Fanny She speaks when R. C. ) FAN: (Crosses to tree L.) What a soft air whispers in the foliage! I wonder if trees go to sleep? ARCH: You enjoyed the walk to-night? FAN: So much! I could prolong it till daylight. (She sits under the tree L. ) It is lovely! Like a dream!I cannot quite believe in my own happiness. I feel like somebody else and fear to away and discover my delusion. How do you feel? ARCH: I feel as if I ought to say all those things to you. But they occur to me after you have said them. FAN: Because your heart is mine, and I translate its feelings to you. (She pats the seat beside her. He sits L.) Do I hurt your arm? ARCH: No!oh no! (She rests her head on his breast.) Are you comfortable? FAN: Very! Go on you were repeating some beautiful linesby whom were they written? ARCH: Byron. FAN: Mamma would not allow me to read Byron. She said it was not proper for young ladiesand I wondered how she knew thatshe must have read him some time or another. ARCH: After she was a married womandear. FAN: Then a married woman can do improper things with impunity.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: No, my darling. Onlya girlyou understandis obliged sothat isshe should be differentbefore marriageI meanwhen she becomes a wifeshe is supposed to to FAN: I see. But ArchieIm afraid I shall never be differentnothing can change me. I shall always be the same girlafter marriageas before Byron to the contrary notwithstanding! Its dreadful, isnt it? To be incorrigibleoh dear! Well, go on! (She nestles her head on his shoulder Back of his head touches tree. ) ARCH: (Repeats) Juan and Haidee gazed upon each other With swimming looks of speechless tenderness, Which mixed all feelings, friend, child, lover, brother. FAN: How nice a mixture. ARCH: All that the best can mingle and express, When two pure hearts are poured in one another And love too much FAN: Oh no! ARCH: --And yet cannot love less! But almost sanctify the sweet excess, By the immortal wish and power to bless. FAN: (Sleepy) Just howIfeel. ARCH: Now pillowed cheek to cheek in loving sleep A gentle slumberbutit was notdeep --A wordless music (He repeats slowly as he goes to sleep, with her head on his breast ) --and her face so fair,

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FAN: (Sleeping) Friendchildlover. ARCH: (Falling off to sleep) Stirred with a dreamas rose leaves with the air. FAN: (Together with Archie.) Pillowed inloving sleepsleep sleep ARCH: In gentle slumber but itwas not deepdeep (Falls to sleep ) JOS: Where are they? Fast asleep, I do declare! END OF ACT ACT IV Scene I--The same as last act. Morning. Breakfast table laid under the trees. Enter Mrs. Tarbox L. I. E., and Miss Sniffe in traveling dress and carrying satchels and wraps. Mrs. Tarbox crosses to chair L. of table and sits. MRS. TAR: (Very faint.) Are you sure this is the place? MISS SN: (Sympathetic) Yonder is the hotel. I have sent a servant with my card to Mr. Tiffe. Compose yourself, dear friend. MRS. TAR: Was ever a mother placed in such a position? I have spent a night of torture. How I have lived through it is a miracle. Are there any more of those drops remaining? I must have some support. MISS. SN: My dear soul, I fear to administer more. The apothecary made them up too strong. (She takes a large phial from her satchel. Mrs. Tarbox takes it from her an d drinks) Do be careful; you may do yourself a mischief. MRS. T: What matters mischief now, since I come too late to save my lamb? Too late, too late!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll (Enter Tiffe, with a card L. U. E. ) TIFFE: My Mother-in-law! (Down L. MRS. T: My childwhere is she? My victim child! TIFFE: Sophia? I left her in her room. MRS. T: Sophia! No; I mean FannyFanny! TIFFE: Sophia always poses as a victim, so I presumed you alluded to her. I have not seen Fanny or Archie this morning. MRS. T: Oh, oh! TIFFE: What has happened? MRS. T: Happened? Look at me! Ruin and disgrace MISS SN: (C.) Now, my dear, you must not expose the affair in this violent manner. MRS. T: Oh, oh! MISS. SN: She has been in this hysterical state all night. MRS. T: If it had not been forfor you(Sobbing)what should I have done? MISS SN: It gratifies the tender part of my nature to nurse the sorrows of my friends. C. T.: (L.) What sorrows? MRS. T: Tell him; I cannot. MISS SN: (C.) Mr. Meek is a monster! Blue Beard is an angel beside him! A French woman, who declares herself to be his wife, arrived lately from abroad. She has been living at his rooms with her infant. C.T: His wife! Oh, I cannot believe it. Who dares to accuse him? MRS. T: (Rises.) The woman herself. Mr. Auldjo does not deny it.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: (To C.) There must be some mistake! Oh!! Stay! A young foreign lady arrived here last nightand there was an infant with her. It could not be (Crosses to R.) MRS. T: (C.) The samethe same. Was she not dressed in grey and cherry colors? C.T: (R.) Yes, that is the description; yet I cannot realize it! It is too awful. MISS. SN: (L.) I am glad I never trusted myself to one of your sex. (Sniffs) It might have happened to me! C.T: But howwhen did you discover all this? MRS. T: Yesterday afternoonjust after the wedding! C.T: Then why did you not hasten down here after them at once by the first train? MRS. T: I did. The first train left the station in town at seven oclock last night. In our agitation we entered the wrong carriage. We never discovered the mistake. An extra dose of anodyne drops sent me to sleep MISS. SN: Worn out with sympathy, I joined her. In that oblivious condition we passed the junction for Shell Beach MRS. T: And awoke to find ourselves in Exeter MISS. SN: At two in the morning. We had taken the Southern express. C.T: (Crosses to C.) And you spent the rest of the night coming back. MRS. T: Too late. C.T: You say that Mr. Auldjo confirmed the claim of this lady. What did he say? MRS. T: When I faced him with the evidence he acknowledged I had learned the truth and actually suggested we should make the best of it! C.T: (Putting Mrs. Tarbox, cross to L.) I can scarcely believe Meek capable of so dastardly an outrage! Mrs. Tarbox, you must leave this matter to meyou will take Fanny back to townand as Mr. Persimmons and I are the only male representatives of

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll this family, we will take Mr. Meek in hand. Go to the hotel keep quietdont show yourself go to bed take some rest. MRS. T: Rest! Shall I ever rest again? (Going. C. T. musinggoes to R. ) MRS. SN: (Going out with her) And to think you laid yourself out to catch this monster for your child! This comes of being a mother. Ha! Im well out of that. (Sniffs. (Exeunt) C.T: I must see Mr. Auldjoand Mr. Persimmonsand take counsel what to do. How fortunate they are here. Poor Fanny! What a fate! (Josephine opens blinds and withdraws curtain of the room in cottage ) Sothere is Josephine! I would like to know if this villain has betrayed by his manner any sense of his infamy(Enter Josephine house R. ) JosephineI wish to speak to youare you alone? JOS: My mistress will hear all you sayshe is up stairs. C.T: Hush! (Enters the room) (Enter Mrs. Constant Tiffe L. opening ; she has in her hand the apron Tiffe pocketed in second act) MRS. C.T: I found this in his pocketI always search his pockets in hope of discovering something. But he is so artfulI never pounced on anything until now. An apron!a womans apron in his pocketthat is pretty strongthat brings it home! Oh! The firm satisfaction of convicting him! This pays for all I have suffered. And to think, that last night, we reposed in the moonlight under the verandah, and he poured poetry in my earhe was sitting on that! (Examines the apron) It is such a ladys maid would wear. Oh! He is not above itWhats here? A name!yes(Reads)Josephine Biggsmy sisters maid! I caught them together yesterdayandha! ha! I apologized for my suspicionho! ho!hehe actually made me thinkoh! fool!fool!to mistrust my womans instinct. Hush!why, I hear his voicehe is in thereandand (Looks into cottage) she is with himoh! 9up to side of table.) C.T: (Entering. ) You are a good girland if you ever leave the Meeksmy wife will give you a place.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. C.T: (Aside. ) Yes, a warm one. C.T: There is a sovereign to buy yourself another apronI owe you one. JOS: Thank you, sir. (Takes money and disappears) C.T: (Entering down R.) I did not get what I expected from her. MRS. C.T: (Aside) And you will get what you dont expect from me. C.T: Now to (Turns) Ah! My angel! What has brought you abroad so early! MRS. C.T: I wanted to knowwhat is that. (Thrusts the apron under his nose) C.T: The devil! (Aloud) That? My dear, I have no idea. MRS. C.T: I have! Look again! Dont you recognize it? C.T: It looks something like an ante makassar. MRS. C.T: It is a womans apron. C.T: What? Really? One of those things thatI did not know you wore them. MRS. C.T: Do you know where I found it? C.T: How should I? MRS. C.T: I found it in your pocketthe tail pocket of the coat you wore at the wedding yesterday. C.T: In my pocket! How came it there? MRS. C.T: Precisely! That is what I want to know. C.T: One of my handkerchiefs must have been changed at the washand that thing sent back by mistakeandain the hurry of dressing yesterdayIdid not perceivea what I took from my drawerand so dont you see MRS. C.T: YesperfectlyI see the lie written in largehand across your face. I see that you are a false villainand I see that I have beena confiding fool.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll C.T: Mrs. Tiffe, that is enough! Allow me to indulge in the delusion that I have married a lady? (Crosses to L.) You have descended to the meanness of searching my pockets. I knew you were capable of it, and you have found exactly what I feared you would discover. MRS. C.T: You confess it, then. (Turning upon him.) C.T: Moderate your tone I beg. Yes, Madame, I confess I had so little faith in your repentanceI placed so little trust in your assurance of regret for your past conduct that I resolved to try if your protestations were sincere. I put that apron where you found itI baited my coat tail with that female appendage and you have fallen into the snare. Good morning. (Exit L. Op. S.) MRS. C.T: His brazen assurance takes my breath away! Now, this is the end of everything! Ill have no more of it! I have been weakbut nowI am resolved never again will I enter the same room with himnever sleep under the same roofnever breathe the same airnever nev Oh! Oh! (Cries as she goes outis going to wipe her eyes with apronrevolts from it tears it into pieces and stamps upon it) Oh! Oh! Oh! (Exit L. Op. S.) (Enter Persimmons at back L. ) PERS: I am the victim of irresistible circumstances! Virginia suspects that something is weighing on my spirits. Her manner towards me has been so melancholyso devoted. Once last night Silas led the conversation vaguely to deal with the question gnawing at my heart. He contended that married people have no claim on the past lives of each other before wedding! I dared not trust myself to speak. Virginia perceived my emotion. Sharing my pain, sensitive soul! She threw herself on my breast and burst into tears. Has she known that truth that lay here quaking in my heart within three inches of hers! (He wipes away a tear) Fidelity, Your name is Virginia! Oh! Virginia, will you forgive me when you realize your position? (Enter Virginia L. Op. S.) VIR: John!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: (Aside) It is too late now to indulge in remorse! Let me squander my ill-gotten profits of crimewhile they last. (Aloud) Virginia! I I never saw you looking more charming. (Embraces her) VIR: I feared you might repent out marriage already. PERS: I do repent that I did not marry you twenty years ago!Thats all! VIR: So do I. PERS: How much misery would have been sparedwhen I think of how those wasted years were employed. VIR: Oh, if I could forget PERS: Do forget itdont allude to itblot it outbury itcover it up under your love sit upon itand teach me oblivion. VIR: Oh! Generous man! (Enter Archie from the house with Fanny R. ) ARCH: Good morning! I wish you many happy returns of the day! My dear Mrs. Persimmons(crossing to her. )you are too lovely for me to call you aunt, you must wait ten years to fit yourself for the title. PERS: My dear childI wish I could make your honeymoon to remain always full and beaming. FAN: We ordered the breakfast to be spread under the treesI thought it would be so lovely to sit with the birds twittering all round us and the speckled light embroidering our cloth with gold. (Fanny up to table. Persimmons down R.) PERS: Ah! You were always happy. FAN: Never, until now! Archie says he will buy this cottage if I like and live here forever. Oh! Here comes the breakfast(Enter servants with breakfast and Josephine from cottage R. Josephine goes round to upper end of table. ) I hope you all feel as hungry as

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll I do. Virgey, dear! Let us take a turn in the garden and steal some flowers for the table. (Turning to Archie) You stop here sir! We dont want you. (Exit Fanny and Virginia, Josephine embrac ing each other. (L. Op. S.) Archie and Persimmons look after them then, turning, look at each other Shake their heads. ) ARCH: We dont deserve it. PERS: No, we ar e impostersall men are so at this crisis of their lives. These sweet creatures have no idea what those lives have beenand fondly imagine we can present as pure and fair a record as their own. ARCH: I dont think there is anything in mine I dare not present to Fanny. PERS: (Taking his arm and bringing him down.) Have you presented her with those black satin corsets and the handkerchiefs marked Rosalie? ARCH: Oh! I had clean forgotten that affair. PERS: Happy man! There are affairs that wont be forgottenI suppose you have induced her to France. ARCH: I was unaware that you knew PERS: Oh her presence in your rooms? How Walter stepped in and taught you the respect you owed to my niece. Come, Mr. Meek! Your mask is uselessso do not counterfeit surprise. Mum! Im dumb. (Aside) It soo thes my pain to find a fellow sufferer. (To R.) ARCH: I am unable to defend myself but I cannot allow your suspicion to assail that ladys honor. I give you mine that she is entitled to your respect. PERS: A gentleman could say no less. (Shaking hands and up C.) ARCH: And I have pledged my word to say no more. (To R.) (Re-enter Virginia and Fanny )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FAN: I have brought you a rosebud. (Runs to Archie. ) Theresee the flower is just unfolding itself. You have the first sweetness of its heart. ARCH: As I have yours! (She pins the rose on his coat. Archie kisses a lock of her hair. ) VIR: (Placing a full-blown rose on Persimmons breast ) Theres one more blown. FAN: (Still arranging the flower.) That is not my hair you are kissing. It is a switch. Here, this is mine. (Raises her finger to her head. He kisses it. ) How different that feels! VIR: Ah!! (Throws away the rose ) PERS: Whats the matter? VIR: Therewasa worm in it! PERS: (Aside. ) Like me! FAN: Come, the breakfast is waiting now; I feel ravenous. (They sit, Josephine waits) ARCH: This is lovely! I feel full of sunshine. JOS: (To Virginia) Tea or coffee, maam? (Goes down to R. of Virginia.) PERS: (Breaking an egg) Fresh, delicate and fragrant. I always thought a sheeps heart on a skewer w as a poor emblem of love. Here is one more suggestive. A new laid egg! It is graceful in form and full of sustenance. FAN: What is the good of emblems? (Enter Tiffe, Mrs. Tarbox, Miss. Sniffe. They advance slowly, with their eyes fixed on the party seated round the table arm in arm. ) VIR: Mrs. Tarbox! (Rise. ) FAN: Mamma! How pale you look! (Rise. ) (Persimmons down to L. Archie down to R.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll TIFFE: Mrs. Persimmons, will you be kind enough to retire with Fanny? Our business will not admit of discussion in your presence. PERS: (Aside) The avalanche is about to fall. VIR: They are going to divulgemy secret. PERS: I think, my dear, you had better withdraw. FAN: Mamma! What is all this about? MRS. T: Unhappy child! Go away. FAN: My place is here (To Archies side.)and only one person in the world has the privilege to direct me. ARCH: And his privilege also is to guard you from trouble. (He leads her out with Virginia. Josephine follows and goes off. Virginia and Fanny enter cottage and remain in sight ) FAN: Now, sir, I am ready to listen to what you have to say. TIFFE: A French lady named Rosalie Laborde arrived in his hotel last night. PERS: (Aside. ) And I was sleeping next door to a torpedo! TIFFE: Were you aware of her presence here? PERS: No. TIFFE: I did not address you I spoke to Mr. Meek. ARCH: I had no idea the lady had left my rooms. PERS: What! You dont mean to tell me the anonymous lady of the black satin polonaise and eight-button corsets was TIFFE: Rosalie Labordeyes, sir! We have precise information of all that has occurred how this lady arrived from France two days ago, and was secreted at Mr. Meeks rooms, where he visited her the evening before his wedding.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MISS SN: Does it occur to anyone that there is an unmarried girl present. (Sniffs) MRS. T: My dearthat young person is not to blame; she is the monsters wife. PERS: His wife! MRS. T: His lawful wife!so she declared herself to be, in the presence of Mr. Auldjo, who did not deny her claim! PERS: (Aside) He is married to my wife! Is it possible that she has balanced my account! ARCH: My dear Mrs. Tarbox, I feel you are entitled to some explanationmy position is most awkward. MRS. T: This young person is evidently a victim, not an accomplice! PERS: Young! She must be five and forty! MRS. T: (Rises) What can you know about it? She is a mere girl! PERS: Why, her child must be nineteen! MRS. T: Nineteen! Nonsense! It is a baby, in arms. PERS: (Aside) I have been fooled by a similarity of names! There are two Rosalie Labordes! Oh, what a reprieve! I resume my innocence! (Aloud ) Awkward! Egad, sir! It is awful, sir. I appreciate the predicament. ARCH: However I may seem to be involved in this affair, I assure you I am the victim of appearances. TIFFE: (Crosses to him.) Are you not prepared to afford some further explanation? ARCH: I have given you my word. TIFFE: You cannot understand the gravity of the charge against you. ARCH: I do understand it, painfully, but I prefer to be falsely accused than forfeit my honor to preserve my character. (Fanny in house kneels to Virginia.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll TIFFE: And you ask your brides family to rest content with this vague assurance! What do you offer us? MRS. T: Your bare word! MISS SN: How indelicate! TIFFE: Your word! Is that all? ARCH: (Going slowly up to him.) I can understand how little faith you place in such a pledge. TIFFE: (Near him, and under his breath) You make me regret that we live in times when modern prejudice forbids me to chastise this outrage in the only manner it deserves. ARCH: (Quietly, and under his breath) I have no prejudice, when the lie is flung in my face, that forbids me vindicating my honor with my life. TIFFE: I understand you, sir. (Turns away up to L. of Mrs. Tarbox.) ARCH: I am glad to explain myself clearly on one subject. Madam, I shall ask your daughter to place herself under your protection for a time. That proceeding is due to you under the circumstances. Mr. Silas Auldjo will conduct her to your rooms in the hote l, if you will do me the favor to await her there. MISS SN: (Aside. ) He orders us about as if we were his lacqueys. (Takes Tiffes arm.) ARCH: When you become aware of your injustice towards me, I shall expect to receive her again with your acknowledgements (Turning to Tiffe) and your apology. Good morning. (Exeunt Mr. Tarbox, Tiffe and Miss. Sniffe, arm in arm L., and enter Virginia and Fanny. To Vir ginia ) Will you leave us together? (Virgina crosses to Persimmons.) PERS: (Aside to Virginia) I cant make him out! Either he is as mad as Don Quixote or as impudent as a newspaper reporter at an interview! (Exeunt Persimmons and Virginia L. Op. S.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: You heard what passed? FAN: Yes. ARCH: I confess, your mother was entitled to demand an explanation, which I was bound in honor not to give. FAN: But you can give it to me! ARCH: No, I cannot. Fanny, you must trust me, if you canblindlyunreservedly. FAN: (Hesitating) Only tell me it is not true. That lady was not in your rooms. ARCH: It is true! All they said was trueshe was thereI deny nothing, except one thingshe is not my wife. FAN: Who, what is she then? ARCH: I cannot tell you more. I see you doubt me. (To L. C.) FAN: As I listened there, I could not but recall your strange repugnance to the ceremony of our marriage. I suspected something was on your mind all day(slowly up to him.) you seemed to sufferI asked you if you had a skeleton in your cupboard. ARCH: Yes, and you hoped I had. FAN: (Sobbing) But not a female one. Oh! Archie, (Arms round his neck.) I dont love you less, because I doubt. I dont care what you have beenyou are mine nowperhaps it is wrong to feel so and still cling to you but I cannot help it(Enter Silas L. Op. S.) Dont send me awayI have taken you for better or for worse whichever you are, it is too late now to tomend. Oh, Archiehave pity on me, for I do love you so! SILAS: (Taking Fanny and working her to his L.) Heaven forgive you if you have wronged this child, as they say you have done. (Enter Mrs. Constant Tiffe dressed in black U. E. L.) MRS. C.T: Fannywhat do I hear! (Down R. of Silas.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll FAN: Oh, SophieI am so miserable! MISS. C.T: Look at me I have left my husband forever. FAN: He is sending me away. (Each takes Silas arm) MRS. C.T: Then take example by me never go back to him. SILAS: (Between them) Dont cryit will all come rightyou are both deceived in your husbandsthey are incapable of wronging you(Aside) The Lord forgive me. (Aloud) Dry your bright eyes. MRS. C.T: (Sobbing) But IIdiscovered himand I have ppproofs SILAS: (Circling round by R. to face L. as Walter enters L. Op. S.) Theres nothing so deceptive as proofsI speak as a lawyer the stronger they arethe more delusive misplaced facts are the greatest liars. FAN: But she was discovvov ered in his rooms. SILAS: Thats nothing! Why, I might have been discovered there and (Enter Walter L. Op. S.) WALT: Oh, Archie! Congratulate me fatherI have at last discovered proof SILAS: Damn your discoveries, sir(Wlater looks down L.) we have too many proofs. Tis enough to make a Vice-Chancellor swear. WALT: What is the matter, sir? SILAS: The matter, sir! Dont you see the press of business the firm has on its hands? As a junior, this is your department. WALT: One moment, sir! I will follow you. (Exit Silas with Fanny and Mrs. Constant Tiffe L. U. E. ) Archie, what has happened? ARCH: They accused me of being the husband of your wife.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WALT: Well, you denied it. ARCH: How could I? WALT: You dont mean to tell me you allowed Fanny to beli eve such a charge? I hope you told her the truth. ARCH: I pledged you my word to keep your secret, and I have done so. WALT: (Turns up sharply to C. pauses then rapidly down. Embracing him) Dear, simple-hearted, true old Archie! Thank Heaven! The necessity for secrecy is at an end. The original of the photograph has been discovered. The other half of Rosalies father. I have seen the entry in the books of Watkins & Co., and the name to the culprit. There he is complete. (Shows a photograph ) ARCH: Uncle John! WALT: Persimmons himself. ARCH: You take my breath away. WALT: I shall take his breath away when I see him. (Enter Rosalie and Mudgeon L. Op. S.) ROSA: Ah! Valter. Te voila. Oh! Je me meurs. WALT: What is the matter with her? MUD: We passed Mr. Persimmons in the wood. I made her understand twas he gave be the ring. Then she took to shivering and crying, and wanted a pear. ROSA: Mon pere. Ctait lui. Je lai vu. (Walter shows her the photog raph) Ah! Oui. Cest cel. (Kissing it passionately ) WALT: I lost a father yesterday, and she has found one to-day. That squares the family account. Come. Be a good girl. She must not have a fit of hysterics on the lawn. (Leading her toward the cottage)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ROSA: Ah! Que je suis folle de joie! Monsie ur Archie, v ous me pardonnez, nest-ce pas? (They lead her into the cottage) (Enter Biddles, with the baby. He crosses and enters the cottage. Archie, seated at Rosalies feet, takes the infant and presents it to her. Grou p of all in the Cottage window. Re-enter Silas between Mrs. C. Tiffe and Fannie) SILAS: Where is that boy? Wheres Walter? (Advances to cottage, and leaving the two girls, he looks into the window) Why does he not join? (Sees the group) Oh! Dear, Oh! (He runs back, seizes Fanny and Mrs. C.T. and hur ries them off) QUICK CURTAIN ACT V SCENE I--A room in the Shellbeach Hotel looking out on the sea. Large windows at back. Doors R. and L. Miss Sniffe at table with lunch, she is eating heartily. Mrs. Tarbox on chair, Fannie at her feet, Persimmons R. Mrs. Constant Tiffe walking up and down at back, Silas seated on chair C. with his head in his hands, Virginia stands by him leaning over sofa) PERS: The question is: What are you going to do about it? MRS. C.T: There is no question in my mind! Sue for divorce! The world should know what sort of man he is! PERS: But if the fellow is really married to this French woman? MRS. C.T: I was not thinking of Fannies case. But of my own. PERS: Oh, yours is easily settled. MRS. C.T: What! Easily settled! PERS: I mean it is not so serious.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. C.T: Not serious! Oh, of course! My misfortunes are secondary affairs. Fannie was always the favorite of the family (Up stage.)her troubles take precedence of mine. They always did! I forgot that. Help her first. Oh do, please! FAN: (Crying. ) I am sure you might have all the misery to yourself. II didnt want any! PERS: This is the quick consequence of early marriages! They bring small profits and quick returns of repentance! If young people will eat the fruit of love while it is green, they must expect to find it painful of digestion. Look at Virginia and Me! (Taking her hand.) Theres nothing green about us! We saved up our affections, stored em till they were ripe, and now we live on a sound investment. The interest may be small, but it is secure, and we can sleep on it with, abiding confidence. (Silas looks up at Virginia ) MRS. C.T: (Coming down R of Mrs. Tarbox.) We do not want to be reproached with your satisfaction. MRS. T: My poor Fannie, what will become of you? MRS. C.T: I consider her case enviable compared to mine! What satisfaction can I obtain? Separate maintenance! They will not give me divorce unless the monster adds cruelty or desertion to falsehood, and I never could provoke him to that extremity, so what can I do? I can only release him. But Fannie can put her wretch in prison, keep him there for years, and go every day and see him, in chains, alone, where no women are admitted. (Goes up.) FAN: If he has wronged me I cannot help but forgive him. I cannot love and hate as you do in one breath. He bade me leave him and come to you, so I came! If he recalled me to him I should go back. MRS. C.T: After all you know? FAN: I know nothing but that II love him. MRS. C.T: You are a fool!

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: What is to be done? (Fanny rises.) MRS. TAR: Mr. Auldjo will help us with his advice, for I am too weak to think. MISS SN: Poor dear (Eating) This is the first morsel she has tasted these two days. MRS. C.T: (Down L. of him.) Mr. Auldjo, do you hear, and will you take your head out of your hands and tell us what to do in our trouble? SILAS: (Looking up. ) My dear child, I am thinking how I shall behave under my own (To Virginia. Rises. ) I cannot pursue this deception any longer. (To Persimmons. ) My dear old friend, come with me, I have a painful matter to disclose to you in private. (Takes out Virginias letter. ) You should have known this long ago. PERS: Ill have no more secrets, there are none but our own family present! I object to any concealment! Out with it, whatever it is! What letter is that? SILAS: It is addressed to you. PERS: Read it aloud. SILAS: Read it? PERS: Who is my correspondent? VIR: I am. (Drops on sofa, R. end.) PERS: You? VIR: Yes, I wrote that letter a week ago, but I had not the courage to deliver it. PERS: You saw me every day, why write, when you could speak? VIR: Because I was a coward and feared to confess I had deceived you basely unpardonably. PERS: Deceived mein what? SILAS: (C.) Virginia, I entreat. (Crosses to him taking letter.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll VIR: No, Silas; there should be no concealment. Our fault must be known sooner or later to all present. PERS: Your fault? VIR: I have not been the faithful, devoted woman you have imagined. I have not worshipped one idol for twenty-five years. Another image has for one moment (only one very brief moment) occupied your place. It was a passing infatuation that I experienced more than twenty years agowhen I had no hope of ever seeing you again. (Kneels.) PERS: (Rises ) A passing infatuation! A flirtation, perhaps. Wellit is a speck on the fair page of my romance but it is so long ago, no trace of it survives. VIR: Yesit does!and it is 21 years old and cannot be called a specknow. PERS: What do you mean? VIR: I mean Walter. PERS: What of him? He could not have anything to do with itover 20 years ago. VIR: Alas! He had. PERS: Walter Auldjo! VIR: He ismy son! (All rise.) PERS: Your son!your (Sits on sofa.) MRS. C.T: Virginia! Are you in your senses? (Coming down L. C.) SILAS: She is!She is!let her go on. (Mrs. Tarbox crosses to L.) PERS: Your son!!Yours. Is this a ghastly joke? (Crosses to Silas. Virginia down R.) Silasis this true? SILS: I confess it is too true! I have been her accomplice in keeping you in the dark. I feel it was wrong.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: Wrong! You call this infernal conspiracy wrong! So! This accounts for your desire to bring about my marriage! This accounts for your attitude yesterday when I found her in my arms. It was for this I confided to your friendship a sacred trust. How have you fulfilled it? SILAS: I confess I shared in the deception. PERS: Shared in it!Of course you didlook at Walter! (Goes to sofa.) SILAS: Good gracious! You do not suspect me of being the father of my son. (Mrs. Tarbox and Fanny go up C. and Mrs. TuffeSilas to L.) Mrs. Persimmons! Maam! Do you hear? The character of the firm was never impeached until now! I beg you to vindicate our virtue. (Sits C.) VIR: Listen. (Miss Sniffe comes down. She reads a letter) My dear John, I have deceived you and will not accept your faithful heart under false pretenses. Many years ago, while on a visit to America, I was married. PERS: Oh, Frailty! Thy name is Virginia. VIR: (Reads) My husband left me a widow after six months of misery. PERS: It is not a question of time. VIR: (Reads) And when I found my folly was unknown in England, shame for my inconsistency induced me to conceal the fatal result. PERS: You mean your husbands death? VIR: NomyWalters birth! (Fanny goes to chair R. of table L.) PERS: Oh! (Groans) VIR: (Reads) I confided my secret to our oldest friend, Silas Auldjo, who, out of pity, consented to pass my child for his own. MRS. C.T: The universal father of all the unclaimed. (Up stage.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll MRS. T: The man is a walking foundling hospital. (Up stage.) VIR: (Reads) He married his housekeeper to make a home for my boy. FAN: Heaven bless him. (Crosses to him.) VIR: (Reads) I never knew how much I loved you until I tried to love another. PERS: I cannot appreciate the experiment. VIR: (Reads) But I will not attempt to excuse the falsehood which gives you the right to disbelieve me. PERS: And this is your fidelity! This is the reward I find on returning to claim my first love! Oh, Virginia! The poetry has gone out of my life! FAN: But, dear Uncle John, (Crossing to him) do considerit was so very long agoand Walter is such an angel. PERS: I wish he had never been on earth. FAN: Oh! You will forgive hershe loves you so! (Goes up.) MRS. C.T: (Coming down L. C. and crossing in front of Silas to Persimmons.) This is the consequence of marriage late in life. If elderly people will leave the fruit of love on the tree until tis over ripe, they must expect it to fall into other peoples mouths. (Goes up.) MISS SN: Her only fault is being a widow, and that is next best to being alike me. (Sniffs. Goes up to L. of table. ) PERS: What I cannot forgive in the duplicity! When I reflect how she played the vestal and approached the altar with this imposture on her breast, I dont know how she could do it! (Enter Walter and Mudgeon L. ) SILAS: Walter. (Walter down L.)

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WAL: I have come, sir, to render you a faithful account of the business confided to me when I went to France to take charge of our reward in Chancery. I married her! SILAS: You married her! In defiance of the Vice-Chancellor! It is high treason! It is contempt of Court! (Rises.) Ruin! Disgrace! WAL: No, sir; for the husband of Rosalie Labordes mother, the father of my young wife, lives. PERS: (Aside) Oh, Lord, he cannot have discovered (Down to R.) WAL: Here is his portrait, taken 25 years ago. (Hands it to Virginia) VIR: Why, John! This is your likeliness! PERS: Mine! Impossible. Who says I am a father? WAL: The Sun! And if further evidence is required, do you recognize this ring? MUD: You presented it to me the day before your wedding, saying it had been given to you long ago by a lovely creature who adored you. I discovered a legend engraved on the insideR. L. to J P., 1857. WAL: Rosalie Laborde to John Persimmons, 1857. VIR: The very year I was married. MRS. T: Stop! (Coming down L.) I dont understand all this! You say the young French girl is your wife! FANNY: (Down C.) But if so, then she cannot be Archies wife as well. WAL: (L. C.) I am glad to say t hat she cannot, and never was. The good fellow lent me his rooms, where my wife has resided with me, for the last two days, and he pledged his honor to keep our secret until my wife could claim her independence of the Court of Chancery by pleading a father. MRS. T: Brother John! Is this a dream?

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PER: I wish it was. (Sits on sofa.) MRS. C.T: And this is your fidelity, Uncle John. Oh the poetry is gone out of her life. She cannot forgive such duplicity. When she reflects that you approached the altar with this imposture on your heart. I dont know how you would do it. (Enter Archie and Rosalie L.) FANNY: Archie. ARCH: Fanny let me present to you a lady to whom you owe some apology for the trouble she has introduced into our family. FANNY: I will ask her to plead to you for my pardon. Archie, dear; oh, if you will forgive me I will never doubt you again. (Embraces her) Mamma, have you nothing to say? MRS. T: I ask your pardon for doubting your word. (Up to R. of table.) (Enter Tiffe L. ) ARCH: I shall be glad to receive your excuses for your mistake. TIFFE: Ex cuses! Now I have seen the lady, I should apologize in any case. Her charm would excuse any man. ARCH: Hush! Dont you see your wife. TIFFE: Oh! (Turns up. Archie goes up and joins Fanny.) (Rosalie is conducted by Fanny on one side of Persimmons, while Virginia is led by Mrs. C. Tiffe on the other) MRS. C.T: Uncle John FANNY: Uncle john ROSLI: Mon p re (Kneeling at his feet), tu ne veux pas membra sser? (Persimmons embraces her Fanny up R. C. )

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll PERS: Virginia, we must forget and forgive. Human nature was too strong for us. MRS. C.T: There were faults on both sides. C.T: I am glad to hear you say so. MRS. C.T: Oh! (Goes up the stage R. Tiffe follows her They meet upstage C. Bus -there ) SILAS: Fate has reunited you both in your children. (Crosses to Mrs. Tarbox.) (Enter Biddles with the baby Crosses to Rosalie. ) ARCH: And here is another bond of union. PERS: What is this? (Taking infant.) ROSLI: Mon enfant. PERS: Am I a grandfather? MISS SN: I congratulate you; you have a ready-made family. MRS. C.T: Mr. Auldjo! (Down R. C.) I wish to have a deed of separation drawn out immediately. (Silas crosses to L.) MUD: Here is one ready prepared. (Draws out a deed, up stage L. ) I brought it with me in case of emergency. MRS. C.T: Readyprepared. WALT: (Drawing forward a table Up stage R. ) We can settle this matter at once. MRS. C.T: (Throwing herself on her knees beside Mrs. Tarbox) Oh, mamma, has it come to this? C.T: (To Mud) You old fool, what are you about? MUD: (Aside to him. ) You young fool (Aloud to Mrs. C. T.) We are s aving your life.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll WALT: (Aside to C. T.) Now Mrs. Tiffe hold her to it; nows your time. C.T: Sophia! Are we to part? (Down R. of her.) MRS. C.T: Oh! Oh! SILAS: Do you reflect on the fate you invoke? VIR: Solitary confinement for life. Mrs. C.T., look at Sniffe? MISS SN: Me? PERS: You dont want to come to that? MISS. SN: Dont, my dear; dont; Ive tried it for thirty-two years. MUD: Fifty-eight! C.T: Come, Sophie, will it gratify you if I confess? MRS. C.T: You wont? (Turns to him.) C.T: I will. MRS. C.T: Oh, Constant. C.T: Ill confess anything. ARCHIE: There, he cant say more than that. (Crosses behind to Mrs. C. T.) PERS: You dont want particulars? MRS. C.T: (Embracing C.T) It is not his fault. It is the fault of those abominable women that cannot leave him alone. ARCH: (To Mrs. C.T. ) Go and change your dress. (Mrs. C.T. goes up a step or two ) FANNY: (Aside to C.T) And change yours too. Leave off admiring other girls. C.T: (Aside to her) Tis their fault. They should not be so lovely.

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Edited and Transcribed by Brendan Driscoll ARCH: (Passes behind them. ) He is at it again. (C.T. goes up and joins Mrs. C.T. ) C.T: My angel! The loveliest in Heavens sphere SILAS: (L.) This is the happiest day in my life, to see my clients all at peace ARCHIE: What a sentiment for a lawyer. SILAS: (L. C.) My dear old friend, John Persimmons at the head of a family. PERS: Oh, no! I am not the head. SILAS: Who is, then. PERS: This little tyrant! Theres the head of the household. His voice is omnipotent and his will despotic! There is the true head of the family. In his royal presence the family became courtiers. The wife sinks into the position of Minister of the Interiorand the husband accepts office as Chancellor of the Exchequer. But his imperial highness King Baby is the Lord of the Ascendant. SILAS: Sweet moderator of all our petty discordssouvenir of our youth and love!Idol before whom we sacrifice all our selfish naturesaye, the house indeed is headless without a baby in it. (To the audience) LadiesI hope I have you all for clients in this questionthe most precious object in a mans eyes should be ALL THE LADIES: Woman! SILAS: And his first duty in this world is ALL: Marriage! (All rise )