Dick Merriwell's mascot, or, By luck or pluck?

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Dick Merriwell's mascot, or, By luck or pluck?

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Dick Merriwell's mascot, or, By luck or pluck?
Series Title:
Tip Top Weekly
Standish, Burt L. 1866-1945
Place of Publication:
New York
Street & Smith
Publication Date:
Physical Description:
1 online resource (32 p.) 28 cm.: ;


Subjects / Keywords:
Dime novels ( lcsh )
Adventure fiction ( lcsh )
Football stories ( lcsh )
serial ( sobekcm )


Original Version:
Volume 1, Number 343

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Source Institution:
University of South Florida
Holding Location:
University of South Florida
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The University of South Florida Libraries believes that the Item is in the Public Domain under the laws of the United States, but a determination was not made as to its copyright status under the copyright laws of other countries. The Item may not be in the Public Domain under the laws of other countries.
Resource Identifier:
030998225 ( ALEPH )
07545370 ( OCLC )
T27-00026 ( USFLDC DOI )
t27.26 ( USFLDC Handle )

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University of South Florida
Tip Top Library

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._,. • :rl-...,i ssued Weekty. By Subscription $25oper yea r Elllered as Secona Class Matte r ai 1 \ew York Post Office by STREET & SMITH, 238 Wilham S t . . _\ :; No.343. Price, Five Cents. --------------------SUDDENLY DICK LEAPED INTO THE AIR, AND, DIVING OVER THE HEADS OF THE BIG GUARDS, HE TACKLED THE R UNNER, DOWNEll HIM e LJKE A FLASH, AND SAVED THE DAY FOR FARDALE. I


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Iss"'d Weekly. By Subscripti'o11 $2.50 per year. Entered as Second Clau Matter at the N. Y. Post Office, by STREET & SMITH, z38 Wt'lliam St., N. T. Entered accordin . g to Act of ConlfTesS i11 the year Il'J02, in the Office of the Libraria11 of Congress, WaslzinJrton, D. C. No. 343. NEW YORK, November 8, 1902. Price Five Cents. DICK MERRIWl:Ll' MASCOT: OR, By .BURT L. STANDISH. CHAPTER I. THE MASK PARTY • . "I'm goin' to hev a time like this ev'ry year, old lady," declared John Snodd to his wife. "It beats all natur how them youngsters do enjoy it. An' the) have turned out in the most wonderful rigs I ever saw, I swan they hev ! Jest looker that clown. Ain't he funny ernough ter kill a cat!" Then the old farmer guffawed at the antics of the clown, who was cutting his funny capers, t easing the others in the party and having a very good time after his own fashion. A year before Farmer Snodd had given a husking for the academy boys and the young people gen erally of the village. It had proved a great success, which led him to plan for a repetition. But ere the time for another husking bee rolled round he was induced by Dick Merriwell and some of the other academy lads to give a masquerade party. So again Snodd's barn was lighted with many l an terns and swarming with boys and girls who were dressed in all sorts of fantastic rigs. There were knights and ladies, ruffians, Indians, a cowboy, a pirate, a flower girl, a fairy, not to mention scores of other di sgu ises. An Irishman, with a broken bit of pipe, the bowl bottom up, in his mouth, was ch atting with a swell; a cowboy, in "chaps," slouc11 hat and wearing a pair of "guns," was trying to flirt with a shy flower girl; a jay with nanny-goat whiskers, was whispering something to a fairy; apart by himself, in solemn dig nity, stood a plumed Indian chief; the pirate and a Spanish bl!ll fighter drew aside in a clark place by some stalls. There was to be dancing, and , some musicians were tuning up on a loft above the main floor. In a far


cor b-, yet in plain view 'of all, a barrel of new sweet cider was tapped and fl.wwing for all who cared to turn the faucet and drink from one of the several tin dippers provided for that purpose. And now, before the dancing began, the different masqueraders were called upon to. step out into the middle of the floor and "do a turn" to provide amusement for the spectators and participants. Among the unmasked spectators, who stood back and took no part in the merrymaking, was Professor Zenas Gunn, from the academy. At first the professor had declared his inability to attend, but later, when he learned that Miss Tartington, who ran the Farclale School for Girls, was to be there, he changed his mind. "It is evident," he said, "that some one from the , academy should be to see that the boys behave themselves in a proper manner. Professor Gooch ab hors such frivolity, and, none o_f the other instructors caring to go, it falls on me to clo my duty." "That's bosh, Zenas Gunn!" his wife had declared. "I do believe you're going for some other reason than to do your duty." "You're an old scolder!" retorted the professor, vexed. "What's that about. a cold shoulder?" snapped Mrs. Gunn. "Don't you get an idea you can give me the cold shoulder." She was decidedly deaf, and her misfortune seemed increased whenever she became excited or angry. "Now, Nancy," said the professor, loudly, but with a soothing manner, "don't get on your high horse. I'm simply going from a sense of duty. If Miss "You keep a way from that seductions old maid!" cried Nancy, at once. "I've seen her casting sheep's eyes at you in church, and she's a bold thing. If that old "Now, now, Nancy !'1 exclaimed Professor Gunn. "You are letting your unfounded and unreasonable prejudice toward Miss Tartington carry you too far. She is a modest and estin1able lady, and there are few above her-" --"What's that? You love her? Why, you old duffer! I'll scratch your face, so---:-" "For the Jove of, goodness !"palpitated the professor. "I didn't say that! I said there were few above her in her line of work-few above her." "Maybe that was what you said," sniffed Nancy, sus piciously. "Your high regard for that old screw-faced thing is suspicious, to say the least. You keep a _ way from her, Zena5 Gunn. If I catch you getting frisky with her I'll make you regret the day you ever married me!" "You can't make me regret it any more than I n?w !" muttered Professor Gunn. "You snarling old bear!" "\i\That? what?" e..xclaimed Mrs. Gunn. "I said you darling old dear," prevaricated the professor. "Oh, did you? Maybe you did. But you remem-1 ber what I told you about that wmnan, and don't you purr round her any to-night. You come home early, too. You don't have to stay there more than half an hour or so, just to show you countenance the affair, which is silly of you, to say the least." Zenas promised all that Nancy required, and it is a shameful thing to confess that he departed with a sense of reiief because he was able to escape for a time from his scolding wife. But little did he know of the snare that was being laid for him. By chance Dick Merriwell, on his way to question the professor on a matter that interested him, had paused outside the door of Zenas' room and overheard part of this conversation, not wishing to intrude at such a time. And Dick skipped away in time not to be observed. Later he returned and found the pro fessor gone, although the door of his room had thoughtlessly been left ajar. "Very careless," said Dick. "I'll lock up for him, else some of the boys will discover his door fa open and put up some sort of a practical joke on him." I The key was on the inner side of the lock, had to step into the room to get it. As he did this, lte happened tp observe on the table that was scattered


TIP TOP WEEKLY, 8 over with books and papers a certain black bottle which bore a label marked "Nerve Tonic." "The professor's medicine," muttered Dick. "He took a dose before leaving. He requires it often. he may need some of it this evening, for it is not at all likely he'll return as soon as Mrs. Gunn expects." Something led Dick to take posses s ion of the black bottle, slip it into his pocket and carry it away when he had locked the door and hidden the key where he had previously learned the professor was in the habit of concealing it. Just what he would do with the black bottle Di.ck did not know, but he repeatedly told himself that the pro fessor might need some of that "nerve tonic" before the evening was over. And now, strangely enough, as he stood apart by himself and watched the youthful merrymakers, Professor Gunn longed for just a wee nip of that tonic. He observed Miss Tartington, prim, spruce and sitting alone and watching the girls. He felt a strong desire to approach and address her, but the warning of his wife was sounding in his ears, and he hesitated. "Fine woman-exceptionally fine woman!" he thought, as he gazed at the spinster. "vVhy wasn't it my fortune to secure a prize like her! What a pair we would have made! She is interes ted in all educa tional purposes, she is high-minded, she is very culti vated, and she is not a scold. Ah, me! mine is a hard lot, but I must bear it.". He edged nearer Miss Tartingto n, but that lady seemed utterly 1maware of his presence. She was watching an Indian chief who was going through the "ghost dance" in the mid dle of the floor, applauded and laughed at by the merry throng of disguised young folks . She smiled as the Indian sang: "Noka poka hocus, Hiker piker way; Inj un sca lpa white man, Do it ri ght away." 'l'he clown darted out behind the chief, crouched in a grotesque attitude, pointed a finger at him in de rision, then cautiously touched him. Quick as a flash the chief whirled and seized the clown, lifting aloft a terrible wooden tomahawk and uttering a blood-curdling warwhoop. The clown had , a fit and managed to break away, running and dodging as if terribly scared, finally bumping into a "jay" in overalls, mud-bespattered bo ots and old straw hat. Over went the jay and the clown, while the crowd screamed with delight . • "Gol cling ye!" cried the jay, excitedly . "Whut in thutterati on be yeou tryin' to dew?" , He said this as the clown seemed to make a deliberate attempt to snatch off his mask. "Yah ! yal:i !" laughed the clown, scrambling up and darting away. The jay sat up and hurled after him an apple that him fairly between the shoulders . "Confaound yeour pate!" shouted the jay. ''I'll. l'arn yeou to bump me!" The clown darted out of sight into the shadowy cor ner by till! where the pirate and the bull fighter were vvhispering v,ith their he ads together. He saw them and pansed. "The jay is not Merriwell," he said, in a low tone . "Sure?" asked the pirate. "Yes. I h ad his m ask half off before he grabbed it and stopped me. I saw enough to make sure he's not Merri well." "Vv e'll find him soon," said the bull fighter. "Vv e've got to, i f we work the trick," said the pirate. '•But his disguise is complete. I thought at first that he mnst be the Indian, but v.re soon settled that. And no,;1 he' s not the jay. have to look round some more. We must fr;-,d hin• "\Ve must!" hissed the bull fighter. "The chance come here to-rlight to fix him. I do that." "V\Tho's that singing?" exclaimed the clown. "Whoever it is, he can sing all right, all' right," said the pirate. "vVe'd better break away. -Don't want to be seen talking t ogether in here. Somebody might take to watching us." So the three disguised schemers slipped out and joined the others. They were aware that in a corner had been s i t -, ' J I


TIP TOP WEEKLY. ting what seemed to be an old woman dressed in black. This figure had remained very quiet and overheard all that passed between them. 1'{ ow the old woman rose and followed them, murmuring to herself: "I thought there was something c rooked in the , wind, now I know it! I'm ashamed of you, Chester Arlington! Still I haven't found out they mean to do, and they have not discovered how Dick Merriwell is disguised. I think I can find him. A witch should be able to do that." The light of the lanterns, as she emerged , leaning on-a crooked staff, showed that she was dressed and made uP like a witch. CHAPTER II. THE KNIGHT AND THE WITCH. The singer was a youth dressed like a Spanish knight. He had a musical voice, and accompanied himself on a guitar. "A Spanish cavalier stood in his retreat And on his guitar played a tune, dear; The music so sweet he oft' did repeat, • The blessings of my country and you, dear. .iSay, darling, when I am far away Sometimes you may think of me, dear; Bright sunny days will soon fade away, Remember what I say and be true, dear." J.'11ere came a burst of applause as the singer finished, bowed and sought to retreat. About him flocked the masked boys and girls, urging him to sing again. The . clown pressed upon him, grinning and laughing; even boldly sought to seize the singer's mask and lift it enough to peer beneafo. Quick as a flash, the Spaniard whipped out a glittering stilletto and lifted it, whereupon the clown leaped backw ard and nearly knocked over the witch, who had joined the throng about the sfr1ger. "Oh, boo-woo-woo-woo!" burst from the clown, and the gathering screamed again laughter. The old witch gave a cry and shook her stick at him in simulated 1age. "Vile creature!" she exclaimed, in a high pitchecl \l'G)ice. "Ye cannot deceive me! Ye c:aan0t deceive me with your monkey tricks! I hew your secret I I can read your evil heart ! But your plots shall fail and your tricks come to naught. I will cast a spell upon you! . I render you powerless to harm h i m ' against whom you ha v e plotted." She made s o me m a gic pa s ses in the air, where up o n the clown "booed " atai n, pretending to be greatly ter rified and seeki n g to hide behind the o thers who were ' near. "Say, gol dern it!" cried the jay, as he walked out, wagging his jaws and pretending to chew tobacco; "be yeou re a lly a witch. 'Cause ef ye be , d a sh my pump kins if I don't think yeou oughter be burnt to the stake!" Then a little fellow, who wore a Chi n es e mask and was tagged, "Chang, the Chinese Giant," strode out and commanded the jay to stop trying to flirt with the witch. "Naow, mebbe veou think yeou're smart!" exclaimed , ' the jay, angrily. !pan which the little "giant" hissed: 'Sh! Don't give me away, you lobster!" ''It's Ted Smart," one of the disguised lads told an other. The Spani sh knight had the opportunity to slip away and avoid singing again; but the merriment and. fooling went on just the same. Professor Gunn had been hitching nearer and nearer to Miss Tarting.ton, but still he found himself unable to screw up courage enough to speak to her. "Hum! Dear me!' he . murmured to himself. "I wish I had a nip of my tonic. I to need it just now." "Now, I've got jest what you want," said John Snodd, who had approached and happened to overhear the professor ' s words. "That sweet cider's all right the young folks, but I keep a of another kind that's all fixed up tonicky for my O\Vn private use. Jest come this way, perfesser, an' I'll give ye a d0se." Gunn showed confusion. "Excuse me!" he exclaimed. "I never anyt!oiing except for medicinal purpo:1e&--ncver." ".That's all right. Dr. Cobb tole me hew te nx this


TIP TOP WEEKLY. 5 up so it's medicine, an it's good to take at the same time. Jest you come right erlong an' have.a little . " The professor permitted himself to be pulled away, and Snodd led him round into the woodshed, where from a place of concealment he brought a jug. "You'll say this is all right," he declared. "I don't leave it out where them youngsters might find it, 'cause they air too young to have good sense an' take it as medicine." "That's right, Mr. Snodd," said Zenas, gravely, "always be careful in such matters. Youth is prone to exaggeration and over-indulgence . Now, we have arrived at the age when we can use all things in modera tion. There is not the slightest danger that we shall • get foolish and go to extremes. Intoxication is some-thing that I abhor--" ... "So do I, perfesser !" nodded Snodd, as he poured out a dipperful from the jug. "I think it's a bea s tly sin . " "It is, indeed." "Jest try that. It won't hurt ye, an' it'll do ye no end o' good." "Aa-ahem ! \i\Tell, I'll just taste it." The professor tasted . \ "I think you hav e tre ated it with roots and herbs," he said. ''Oh, yes," nodded the farmer. "I has roots and yarbs in it. It's first-class fall medicine, an' I find it great for the nerves . " "I have to have a little nerve tonic occasionally," said the professor. "This is quite palatable, for all of the roots and herbs," "Oh, yes," grinned Snodd. "I looked out fer that. I thought you'd like it. Hev some more." But the professor held up his hand. "Not at present," he said. "I may take a little more before leaving, thank you." "\i\Tell, you know where the jug is, and you're wel come to take just as much as you like an' take it just as eften." to the barn, quite unaware that they had been ob served while they were trying the contents of the jug. Barely were they gone when the Spanish knight stepped out from behind a corner of the neatly-tiered woodpile. He was laughing quietly to himself, and he murmured: "I thought the professor would need tonic of some sort. Now, I am su1 e that the contents of the jug will not be jus t right for him, and . it surely must improve it to add the coo.tents of his own private bottle of 'nerve t o nic.' " Saying which, he dre"t fbrth the jug, took a black bottle, marked "Nerve Tonic," from his p o cket, and proceeded to pour the liquid from the bottle into the jug. "This should make a first-class mixture I" he chuckled. "Of course, this tonic . is . perfectly harmless stuff I" "Do you think so?" said a voice from behind, and he felt a touch on his shoulder . could not repress a slight start, but, with remark able nerve, he finished pouring the stuff from the bottle into the jug, without looking up, quietly observing: "No one but a witch could have come up behind me like that without my ears detecting it." "Have you such remarkable ears?" was the half scornful question. "\Vell, at least, I have made no mistake in calling you a . witch," he retorted, having finished pouring; and he turned and found he was face to face with the "witch" who had pretended to cast a spell upon the clown. "What is that stuff you put into the jug?" she asked. "Don't make such an effort to disguise your voice," he urged. "You'll have a sore throat if you continue it. That stuff-see." He held up the bottle so that, by the light of the single lantern in the shed she could read the two words on the label. "Very well, th11.,nk yu." "It i s the he said. "I he Snodd tassed off a dipp e rfull, and then they returned nee d it this evening, and so I brought it

TIP TOP WEEKT,Y. I find he has been driven to seek tonic from this jug, and so I add a little of his own private stuff to that in jug, which should make it agree with the pro fessor very nicely. Otherwise, I fear it might not agree with him." The witch seemed to tremble a little, and a choking He caught her hand and looked at it until she snatched it away. "And such a hand must aid in weavi n g the spell," he exclaimed. "Small, shapely, artistic, brown-as the hand of an up-to-date witch should be You do not keep that hand covered with a glove every ti m e you go sound came from behind her mask. Was it laughter, out into the sunshine. I believe you have been rus ti-or was it n sob? "Wicked, wicked wretch I" she exclaimed, reprov ingly. "I fear you are as bad as the hypocritical clown I who is pl9tting your undoing." "Eh? What's that?" exclaimed the surprised Span iard. "The clown plotting my undoing?" "He is, '3.nd you must beware of him. He i s your bitter enemy." "Say, excuse me! but how do you know this?" "I am a witch." "If you're a witch, you should _ know who I am." "I do." "Who am I ?" "Dick Merriwell 1" CHAPTER III. 'llHE JUG. "Vou are a witch, indeed!" laughed the Spanish knight, but it almost seemed that there was a touch of sarcasm in his tone. "How did you guess it?" "Witches do not have to guess, they know. At least, up-to-date wi t ches "That's right, and every up-to-date girl of tod ay is a witch, able to weave a spell round any fellow she chooses." The "old woman" lau g hed behind her hideous mask, but it was the musical, refined laugh of a young girl,. "l\1ethinks I have heard that laugh before," said Dick, for the knight was Dick Merriwell. "It is a part of your evil charm. I can well understand how, with a laugh like that, you can weave a spell of the most potent sort." "Don't try to flatter a w i tch!" she exclaimed, shak-ing a warning finger at him. / eating and spending lots of time in the open air." "If I am a witch," she l a ughed, "you are a wizard. I am beginning to fear you. Next you will be telling me my name." "Wish I could," thought who was woefully puzzled; but he did not say as much aloud. • "I'll not be that rude while you are seeking to dis guise yourself," he said, bowing gracefully , "Rude?" she retorted. "That is where you slip, for if it is rude, then I have made a bad break in telli n g you your n ame, and you , have rebuked me for it. But perhaps that is what you meant to do." Dick hastened to assure her that he had meant nothing of the sort, but that he h a d permitted h i s tongue to lead him into a bad slip, for which he ap o logized. In his manner he was g a llant and deferential, and it must be confessed that he did cast a charm over her . which she distinctly felt. Both enjoyed the novelty of the situation. She knew he was puzzling over her identity, although he did not say as much, and that added to her pleasure. "What. gfrl of Fardale is this?" Dick was asking himself. "It is not Doris, I am sure. Somehow she 1 is different from Doris. Felecia is not to be thought of. Felecia is the fairy; I pei1etrated her d i sguise at once. Zona Desmond-no, for she is dressed to repre sent night , and she has l a rger hands than this girl. Who is she? \ V ho is she?" "I've got you guessing," l a ughed the witch. "You think so?" "I am sure of it." "Well I--" Her hand fell on his arm. "Hush!" she whispered. "Some one is coming." :They heard the sound of two persons approaching, •


T1P TOP WEEKLY . 7 and made out that they must be the profess9r and Mr. Snodd. The. jng had been restored to its place of conceal ment, and now Dickquickly drew the witch into the place of concealment from which he had watched the professor and the farmer when they first visited the jug. In drawing her in there he had slipped his arm across her shoulqers for a moment, and the situation was far from unpleasant as they snuggled in the dark sp o t by the woodpile. "Professor Gunn is in need of more tonic," whis pered Dick. "You're a bad fellow," she retorted. "What will happen to him now? What will he do?" "vVait and see." So they waited and watched. "Really, Mr. Snodd, I believe that did make me feel better," Zenas was saying, as they enter e d the wood shed. "A little properly prepared cid e r is good for the stomach both spring and fall." "I allus said so , " nodded Snodd, as he dug out the jng. "vVhen men reach our age they should have something of the sort to oil up the machinery an' . keep it runnin'." "Yes, indeed. About half full, Mr. Snodd. That will do very well." "It won't hurt ye to take . a hull dipp e rful," declared Snodd, as he poured. "It may not," whispered Dick, ' in the ear of the witch. "If it does, you arc a scoundrel, sir!" she whispered back. "What if this should become known? What if Professor Gunn himself should learn what you have done?" • "Seems to me it has a little different taste from what l thought it did," he said. "It's rather stronger of spirits than I fancied." "You're mistaken!" exclaimed the farmer. "I put some granulated sugar in it, and just enough sperrits to preserYe the roots yarbs. It's puffictly . harmless, perfessor . " "I take your word for it, Mr. Snodd, as I kn?w you to be a man of your word." The professor drank the contents of the dipper wit[ relish which he could not disguise . He smacked lips and wiped them with his handkerchief. "It's really fine!" he dedared, in deep satisfaction. "You must be an expert in preparing anything of the sort." "Thankee, perfe sser-thankee. I rather think I do know my business." Snodd took his turn with a well-filled dipper, which he drained swiftly. \Vhen he had finished he paused, seemed surprised, looked into the dipper queerly and shook his head. His manner was so comical that Dick Merriwell came near laughing aloud, and he felt the witch with suppressed "Well, by gorry !" said Snodd; "that duz .eem to taste a leetle diffnmt." "I thought so! (thought so!" exclaimed the pro fessor. "I was not certain. Pour a little more and let me test it again." Snodd poured, unheeding the professor's uplifted hand, filling the dipper again. "You're qnite certain this is harmless?" asked Gun11. "Don't you be a bit. skeered of that," assured the farmer. "I know everything there is in that jug. " "If he did!" whispered Dick. "\iVicked wretch!" whispered back the witch, who He did not answer. Dick dearly loved a joke, and snuggled a little nearer, evidently in great fear of being now, for the first time, he wondered if he had not made a mista]

s TIP TOP WEEKLY. The witch pinched him as punishment for h i s wicked ness. "'i\Thy don't they go away?" she whispered. "I'm willing they should stay as long as they like," he declared. ''"Why? \Ve're crowded up in here so close t o keep from being by them." "That's why I'm willing." From the barn came sound s of music. The orchestra was beginning to play, ar.d the dancing would :,tart s oon . "I want to dance," whisp e red the witch, impati ently. "IVIount your broom," advised Dick, "and sail away." "Haven't my broom here." "Then you'll have to stay a while loP.ger. You are the captive of the wizard." "I'm going to step right out and tell t hose men what you have been doing," she threatened, starting a bit as if to carry it ont. "I dare you!" he w hi spered. "You would be expelled fr o m school.' "Perhaps so." "Oh, well! if I ever care to tell I can have you expelled! You are in my power now." "It looks that way," he confessed. "Aren't you afraid?". "Not a bit." -"You don't know me; perhaps I may b e your e:1emy. " "Why should you be ? I have never harmed you.,. "But you may have h armed # some one in whom I am interested." "I d o not intend to harm any one." Now if Miss Tartington danced-but I presume she would be horrified at the idea." "Oh, I dunno!" grinned Snodd. "I uster know her when she was a gal, and she was a rip-staver to dance." "Indeed! You interest m e." "Yep; she was one of the finest dancers that ever tripped a toe in this section." "La! la!" exclaimed the professo r again, cutting a pig eo n wing, his elbows outspread. "I could show her something that would amuse her if I took the floor. I don't mind teiiing you, Mr. Snodd, that I was a dandy in my day. Couldn't any of them beat me. And I was a pretty rapid young man, too, although I don't care t o let folks generally know about that. I was a wilcl r ascal-yes, sir-ee ! I was in as many rac kets as any you r1g fellow in my clay. Of c ourse, it doe s n't clo to countenance such things in b oy s and yonng men nowadays, but the chap who got ahead of me h::d to g .et up before daybre a k. And the girls-all the gi rls were crazy o\er me. I could have my pick o f t he prettiest and the proudes t of 'em, sir." "Jee! perfesser, h o w did yoa ha pr: en to rema!n single so long and then git hitched up t o such an old--such a-a-an interestin' wife?" faltered Snodd. "I was wise in remainin' sin g le as long as I clid,., de clared Zenas; "but I was an idiot in taking up wi t h any damaged old--" "vVhy, professor!" cri e d the farmer , astonished. "I didn't know yon swore!" "S\Yore? I never do!" exclaimed Gunn, positiYely. "You d id the n ." "You're n1ista ken, sir." "Yon said ':;uch a cbm ager! o ld' something-orother." "Don't sp lit that word m the m i ddle, sir!" com-Snodd was finishinehis seco .ncl di])perfnl when Pro1 1 tl f. o ste1ly "I s::i1d darn:iged not ma!1aect 1e pro es:, r, . . . . " ,_ , fessor Gunn began to dance. "La! la !" chuckled the-professor, wiping off his chin with his hand and laughing in a manner that pl a inl y told the stuff from the jug was b eginning t o work on him. " .How good music does get into a fellow's heels when he is feeling right! I believe I should enjoy <:l

TIP TOP WEEKLY. By this time both the old were feeling very "frisky." "If my wife wasn't here I'd like to git on the floor an' have a 'breakdo>vn' myself,'' said Snodd. ."Tell you what,'' he continued, as if struck by an idea, "you take Mrs. Snodd fer a dance, an' I'll take Miss Tart-ington." "Now, hold on! " exclaimed the professor, solemnly. "We're friends! Are we friends?" "Of course!" Snodd hastened to say. "Then you ought to know that it's not your w_ife I'm interested in. Miss Eliza Tartington is a lady of great mental brilliancy and ability. She would make a most excellent companion for a man 111 my position, but skte would not be at all suited to a man like you. Your tastes and her tastes are entirely dissimilar. Be sides, your wife is present, and mine is absent. It is your duty to entertain y our wife. It is plainly my duty to entertain Miss Eliza Tartington as far as in me lies. There should be no misunderstanding ab out this. We're fr iends. I have honored this party with my presence. You should help me out in carrying forth my designs." "All right,'' growled Sno

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